Love One Another

Hello little blog. We haven't had much time together this past year. I long to update you and fill you with all the stories of life lived, so that someday I can come back and read them... and remember. But this year has been a different one. My life, a different one.

I've been thinking and reflecting a lot about the last year. And doing a lot of dreaming about the one ahead.

January marked one year in Knoxville. We are no longer settling in. We're here, settled. We're living our lives.

One year ago we packed up our lives and we moved here not just to start a church... but to be the church in a new community. We came to push up our sleeves, to love well and to serve however we can.

I'm really not sure what I expected to find in return. I don't think I had any expectations actually. But what we've found... is home.

Knoxville is my home. The people that the Lord has brought together here are family. Eternal family. Fellow lovers of Jesus. Sojourners to walk with as we link arm in arm through this fragile, precious life on earth. An incredible fellowship of believers that has loved us and loved one another so well.

My perspective of this grafting of family is far more awe-inspiring than I could possibly describe with words. It's nothing short of Holy. I've watched as the Lord has drawn (and is continuing to draw) these precious people into this body of believers in the most incredible ways. And I've watched as they pull together to meet the physical and spiritual needs of one another and of the community.

Like renovating a friend's dance studio when she needs help,

pulling together to take meals to neighbors with a new baby and no family in town,

rejoicing together over engagements and weddings,

praying over the phone for each others children,

gathering at the lake loaded down with kayaks, coolers, kids and dogs,

sitting on back patios way too late, laughing so hard we can't breathe,

talking about the gifts of the Holy Spirit over cheeseburgers and shared fries,

helping with moves across town,

emergency room visits and group texts with updates,

walking along side friends who's loved ones transitioned to heaven,

and SO much more.

It brings me to my knees in awe of a great God who loves His children and wants to show us His love. And His vehicle to show us that love? One another.

Don't get me wrong. It hasn't been a cake walk. It's been hard. People are messy. I'm messy. Life is messy. And complicated. This time here has not been without its growing pains and learning curves. But this side of heaven, those things are unavoidable. And we choose to push through it. To drop offenses, to humble ourselves, and to love well. We choose to walk with one another through the messy and muddy. Like Jesus did. Like Jesus does.

Our precious church is growing and thriving. Grace Chapel Knoxville has become a family of believers, loving and encouraging one another. One of Jake's first series' was called "Life Together" we. are. living it! We lived a lot of life together last year! Our hearts have been and are being knit together in ways we never could have foreseen. Life is better lived together. 

What a wonderful day when we can all be together in Heaven, finally, gloriously, home.

But until then, our home on earth is wherever God takes us... acting justly, loving mercy, walking humbly... breaking bread in our homes, sharing our faith with the lost, and making disciples of Jesus. Doing it all together.

Its not just something to hear of, read about or long for. It can be done. It might will be messy, but it's so worth it to love one another.

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man...  Acts 17:24 

Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. John 14:23

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. Acts 2:46

By this all people will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35

His feet

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

We've been in Knoxville for exactly 2 months. The boxes are unpacked, curtains ordered and hung, the pictures are on the walls. The biggest tell-tale sign that we've just moved in is the already-tattered temporary paper blinds in the windows. But even the "real" blinds have ordered and will be in in a couple of weeks.

If you've just happened upon my little blog, we're here because we're planting a church with two other families. It's been a wild step of faith into the unknown for us all. But I wouldn't necessarily characterize it as scary either. When you know that you've taken a step that the Lord asked of you, there's a comfort in knowing He'll carry you through it. And this beautiful place has a way of making you fall in love. The river, the foothills of the Smokies, the abundance of parks... there's beauty all around us. And that's saying a lot if you know the gorgeous area we came from.

We're having regular Sunday services already; as well as a weeknight dinner and study for the college students/young adults. We've also been meeting with some of the families we've connected with here, having them over for dinner. I've met some pretty amazing people and I feel incredibly blessed at the thought of these people being our new community. And we've been so blessed to have friends and family from Nashville come to visit. It always does my heart so much good to see familiar faces.

All of these things happen here. In our home. If you know me at all, I love that! My heart is hospitality, it almost energizes me. I want to open my home. I worked hard to get it settled quickly because I knew that our house would be a hub for our little church community for a while. And its been so fun. It is truly a joy to be His hands and feet.

We are living and breathing community and fellowship. There are no big programs or ministries set yet. Everything we do involves coffee, face to face communication and loud kids running up and down the stairs. :) We're doing life together-- praying for any random thing that comes up, big or small. We share everything from kids clothes, to shopping finds, to leftovers that get divvied up and sent home after meals. This is such a precious time being the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and we are soaking it in. 

And every part that I'm responsible for in our home, I want to be diligent and do it to the best of my ability. I want to be Martha Stewart. And Paula Dean. And Charlotte Mason. And Anne Voscamp. And Beth Moore. And, and, and...

My spirit is willing and overjoyed.

And then. my flesh steps in. *facepalm* 

Its crazy how quickly you can go from serving to controlling. From being prepared to being obsessive. My heart is to create a warm (and clean) environment, prepare food, and welcome friends and family. But somehow, now and then, minutes before company arrives, I feel pressure. My inner control freak steps in. I bark orders at my kids and snap at my poor husband. And when our precious guests arrive, I open the door and it feels like I'm welcoming Jesus. I find myself in the midst of a (fairly) clean house and a prepared meal, but I am feeling exhausted and convicted. The enemy whispers that he just had a little victory and he laughs.

But then the voice of Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

The Lord is so sweet to deal gently with me. One Sunday (I think it was actually our first Sunday) before service, we were getting the house ready. We all moved around furniture, made coffee and prepared snacks, Krystal and Alex went over their songs for worship, and we brought chairs in and set them up in our living room. After all the chairs were all nicely lined up, I saw that the back of them were dirty. Like, gunky dirty. So I grabbed a dish cloth and got to work. As it got close to time for people to arrive, Jake called together our team to pray for the service. But I wasn't done. And as our team all stopped what they were doing-- I prayed as I scrubbed chairs. And I kept on scrubbing after prayer was over. The chairs were clean(er) but as I finished and looked at them, I felt the Lord nudge me. I remembered the story of Mary and Martha. I didn't feel guilty, I felt convicted and that's how I knew it was the Lord. So I tucked it in my heart for later. 

That night I read Luke 10 and thought about Mary. God reminded me that sometimes, instead of being His hands and feet, I have to stop. And sit at His feet. Diligence, hard work, hospitality: these are good things. Romans 12:13 literally says to practice hospitality. But it begins in the heart. Wearing myself out so that I have nothing left to offer is not hospitality.

I'm not saying I won't still clean up or do all I can to prepare my home. Around here, it only takes a matter of hours for the baseboards to be hidden by laundry, the floor a landmine of legos and naked barbies and the dishes to overflow. I love my children but they are professional house dirtiers.

What I am saying is this. I'm purposing to prepare my heart as much, if not more than I prepare my home. After all, we don't invite people in because we have it all together. We invite people in so we can love one another as fellow followers of Jesus. (Or to share with those who don't know Him.) And in the process we find that sitting together is to sit as His feet, just as Mary did. 

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20

~~~

Do you host a small group, entertain often, or just have a heart for hospitality? She Reads Truth has an awesome series on Hospitality that is a precious resource. I'm not paid to say that or anything, I just really love their stuff. ;)

We're here!

Well, this is it. My first post as a Knoxville resident. My heart still speeds up a bit at that thought! For the first time since I was 15, I don't live in the Nashville area. So crazy!

And though it isn't exactly far (right at 3 hours away), it's different here. The people, the culture, even the landscape. Its definitely not better or worse, its just all a little different. I'm equal parts missing my home town and falling in love with my new one.

I can't believe we've already been here for 15 days.

We had a great move! (Thanks to our two amazing real estate agents! We highly recommend Jenny Fann in Spring Hill and Troy Stavros in Knoxville!) :) As we were closing and making the drive to Knoxville, we were hearing that there might be some winter weather coming.

We spent one night here in a hotel and when we got up to close on the new house, we were greeted with a thin blanket of white! We bundled up the kids and headed to the title office, the electric company and then over to our new home to wait on the moving trucks. All the while the snow just kept falling.

We were pretty concerned that the road conditions would be too bad for our movers coming in from Nashville, but... the kids thought the snow was magical. And I have to admit--that hour (or however long it was) that we sat on sleeping bags in front of the fireplace... in our echoing, empty house... with our Jersey Mikes picnic... watching the snow fall outside... it was magical. A sweet kiss from the Lord.

The movers finally showed up and in classic Spencer fashion, our magical moment moved straight into high energy excitement and chaos. They obviously have to keep the doors open to move the furniture in, so the downstairs was every bit as chilly as it was outside--while the snow was still falling and really starting to accumulate! Those poor guys were freezing while unloading the trucks and had to inch their way down the truck ramp not to slip. And I spent the next several hours directing them through the house, drinking more coffee than is healthy just to stay warm, mopping up the steady stream of melted snow on my new hardwoods, stressing about my kids running in and out of the snow without any gloves or appropriate snow clothes, and blow-drying one of the kids' mattresses that had rainwater poured on the side of it from a leak in the truck door.

Micah took it upon himself to take pictures of our movers, but now I'm glad he did!

The kids met several neighbor kids outside in the snow, all close to their ages. I love how children can go from being compete strangers one minute to building trenches with sideways sleds and having street-wide snowball fights in no time. It took everything in me to overlook the fact that my kids were trembling cold and probably going to be sick (and they never were) because they were making friends and memories. Thank you Lord. For health and friends. ;)

Kate and Abby passed out after a long day of moving.
And bundled up because it was COLD!!

Since that day, I started working and haven't really stopped. The boxes are almost completely unpacked and a few things are even on the walls. Because our house will be sort of a home base for the church for a little while, it was important to me that it be welcoming and cozy, quickly. And I believe in my heart that if the kids love their rooms and feel good about them, it does their hearts good during this new phase.

We've had lots of visitors since we moved in. Both of the other families moving with us to start the church have had home inspections, so they've been through. (Minus Sarah and the girls! We missed you!) Along with some family and some practically-family. :)

And there's been no time wasted in making connections with families here and UT students. People have brought us dinner; we've had people over for dinner. We've even had a game night. Our family table has officially been christened here with friends and family sharing meals, laughter, cards and the loud singing of "somebody's going down". If you don't know what that is, you need to come play cards with us!

Last but certainly not least, the kids are all trying to settle into our new school routines. Micah and Abby are liking their new school and I had two great IEPs there. The other 4 are homeschooling and that's going ok. Probably best saved for another post. :)

Though its hard and feels strange not to share even more, I'm going to try and leave church updates to that blog. The church is so much a part of our lives, it's almost impossible to seperate. The Lord is doing so many amazing things and I could spend all my time telling those stories. But I'm saving those to be told to a broader audience than my humble blog. But please check out our sweet send-off from our home church here. And follow along there for updates. Its going to be so fun to watch what God does next.

As for me and my house, we're here and getting settled so we can serve the Lord!



"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Christmas 2015

That's not a very creative title. But you should be impressed I'm writing at all.

I just survived Christmas. Emotionally and Physically.

This wasn't just any Christmas. It was Christmas 2015. The last one in this house. The last one in Middle Tennessee.

It started with the typical chaos. School plays, festivities, Christmas shopping, long lines at Target, cookie exchanges and Amy forgetting which kid needed the wrapped book under $5 and which one needed 30 paper plates and cups. And on which days.

What made it different was what makes it one I'll never forget.

SCHOOL

Class Christmas party day this year was hard. Because it was also the last day of school {forever} for my four GCA kids.

Mabry and Mrs Michelle

Ashley's Surprise goodbye party by the 6th Grade girls' Bible class

Grace Christian Academy is the only school Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate have ever known. It's in the only church they've ever gone to and their daddy is one of the pastors. Talk about safe. Talk about sentimental... That place is home to our family. Those people are our family.

Ashley started Kindergarten the day the school opened its doors. If she stayed, she'd be the first graduating girl to attend that school all 13 years. But not now....

We said our goodbyes as the halls were loud and packed with parents and tiny siblings. The classrooms smelled like sugar and half the students were in Christmas Pajamas. Everyone was saying goodbye for Christmas break while we said goodbye, forever. Just when I would think I had it together, I'd see another loved teacher and the tears would flow again. 

Jake surprised the big girls and took them to see Star Wars to help soften the sting. I'm so grateful he did. I think it helped a lot. For a little while. At least it's given them something to think about. I'm all about processing the emotions but tween girls have a special gift for dwelling on things to the point of unhealthy. So now we can divert to theories about Rey and we find excitement and smiles again. ;)

OUR HOUSE HERE

Since this post, our Christmas tree took on a transformation. Mid-Christmas our house went under contract. I'd originally tried to keep it de-personalized (as much as such a personal thing can be) for showings. But once we had a buyer, I packed up my elegant ornaments and hauled out the special ones. The homemade and well loved ones. Much to the kids' excitement, the tree transformed into our familiar family Christmas tree. Laminated handprints and all. I'll never forget the year our tree started out beautiful and unfamiliar and ended familiar but even more beautiful.

OUR HOUSE THERE

We made a day trip out to Knoxville the day after school let out so the kids (and Jake's parents and brother came along) could see our new home for the first time. It was sweet. And loud. And I think maybe our real estate agent is afraid of us now. Anyway, it was a fun time getting to see them explore. Now they can put a picture to the end goal of the not-so-fun weeks of packing ahead. 

HOSPITAL

What would the holidays for a large family be without at least one trip to the ER? Micah was running around chasing the kids and fell, hitting the back of his head on a side table, landing him in the ER with two staples which will need to be removed the beginning of January. So yeah, there was that.

Buddy. :(

FAMILY

We were blessed to see lots of family this year. We had "4 Christmas'." Christmas morning with just the 8 of us, then Christmas with Jake's family, a day with my moms' side and today we had Christmas with my dad and stepmom. Each time was so special and sweet. And each had it's own yummy meal- much to the detriment of my waistline. Thankfully, Dad and Margie got us a Ninja for Christmas so if you see me eating or drinking anything but a green smoothie for the next month, smack me. #accountability #pleaseandthankyou

Dad and Margie with all their grandbabies 

I got to see my brother, whom I generally only see for Christmas. This year it was surprisingly bittersweet because he's reminding me more every year of our Papaw who is with Jesus. And actually the last time I saw Papaw was with my brother, on Christmas Day 2012. Whew. Bittersweet. 

~~~

Through all the good, the hard and the bittersweet, we lived. Christmas 2015 is in the books. And while the kids are all preoccupied with their new toys, I'm getting my type A on. Planning how to get this house packed and this family of 8 across the state in one piece. 

Because come 2016, it's time for a new adventure. 

Our Next Big Adventure

This blog is about the many hats I wear. I'm a pastors wife, mom of a large family, adoptive parent and I'm raising two children with special needs. It's purpose is to share about these different aspects of my life and how they work together. All the while keeping friends and family updated and a mothers heart reflective with the story telling... 

Well... we're entering our next big adventure and I've got a new story to tell. 
Another side of Amy, if you will. 
Church planters wife.

This is story much larger than me, but it's from my perspective. So let me go back a little ways.

Jake has been in ministry for almost as long as we've been together. What started as a passion to be discipled and to know God more, turned into a mentorship with our pastor and volunteering with the Jr High kids. Just before we got married, that grew into part time youth ministry (and part time still working at the steel plant). As our little family grew, that became full time youth ministry and ordination. And Youth Pastor over Jr High eventually turned into Jr and Sr High Youth Pastor and ministry head over the Youth Department. Then pouring into and discipling friends and youth volunteers turned into passing all of it to new Jr and Sr High youth leaders and taking on a new roll of Associate Pastor. (Just before our own oldest daughter started Jr High. Talk about full circle.)

When that kind of personal growth happens simultaneously with a church that grew from 200 people in a school gym to thousands of people on a 150 acre campus, you learn a lot along the way.

And at some point along that journey, The Lord started stirring. Jake began preaching for our senior pastor when he had to be gone. The congregation got to hear what I'd been listening to in youth group for years. A man who has a gentle but fierce heart for The Lord and people. And God started stirring a passion and vision in Jake. I didn't know what it would look like or when it would happen but I knew God was stirring Jakes heart for a specific purpose.

My husband has a gift to teach God's Word. And believes in his core that Jesus called his followers to make more followers. And I'm not just talking about having children-- although we clearly believe in that too. ;) Jake has a passion and gift for discipleship. His heartbeat is to love people well, to make disciples and to teach them to make disciples. All through the vehicle of community and doing real life together.

The last two years have been a wild roller coaster of hearing and not hearing from God, knowing He's calling us out but not sure of what or where specifically, and then a flood of open doors, connections and confirmations. To tell all the details of the last two years and how the Lord called us would be to write a memoir. And some of it is deeply personal. But the Lord is so good. Though we couldn't always see it, He's been busy working, redeeming, pruning, growing and preparing.

But the outcome of our journey is really the beginning of a new one.

God has called us to plant a church in Knoxville.

Whew, it's still surreal to say!!

And He's not just calling us. The friends He's called to go with us... are so much more than friends. They're our people, our community. They're who we do life with. And our passion is the same. To love God and love others, to obey whatever The Lord calls us to do and to go where He tells us to go. And we truly can't wait to see who joins us along the way.

People usually have the same questions, so I'm going to try to address each of them here.

"Why Knoxville?" Well because the Lord said so. :) Jake loves ministering to college kids. And the Lord gave us a vision to plant a church that eventually plants more churches. A college town is a great place to do that, so that's what first brought Knoxville onto the radar. And there have been lots of connections and relationships there. The Lord randomly bringing people across our path... the stories are incredible. Stuff only God can do. And remember that Jake was in youth ministry for years and some of the kids he had went on to UT. The more we prayed and investigated, the more it became evident that the Lord was speaking loud and clear. It's time to take Grace Chapel to Knoxville.

The next big question is, "when?" And that depends on how quickly The Lord moves this process along. Jake has already begun making trips out there to get the ball rolling: following up on connections the Lord has already made, building relationships, and eventually getting some small groups started. (I could cry right now at the goodness of the Lord bringing new people across our path and opening doors.) It was announced to our church this morning and our house goes on the market Wednesday. But each and every step we're committed to seek The Lord and ask Him what's next. This is His thing not ours.

For me personally, people always ask, "how are the kids?" Our 4 youngest don't seem to be affected by it much at all. Their closest friends are in the families that are going with us (again, we do life together) so that helps a lot. And they think a new house sounds like an adventure. Micah and Abby will of course take some adjusting to a new school, but I'm confident that God with supply all their needs according to His riches and glory. :)

Emily is a very go-with-the-flow kiddo and she's taking it all in, focusing on the good. Her best friend moved away several years ago and they still keep in contact so I don't think she has much anxiety about moving away from her friends. Again, one of her closest friends now is going with us as well.

Ashley has been so mature processing it all. It'll be hardest on her, being 12, but she's always known that we go where God calls us and we take nothing for granted. Many of her questions, I have to answer with, "we'll have to trust God for that." And because she's been around the longest, so to speak, she's seen God provide for our family over and over again through the years. I think this will be an opportunity for her faith to be stretched as well.

The current plan is that we will homeschool Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate. Unless The Lord shows us otherwise. And I'm walking forward with open hands in that.

We're looking at west Knoxville. You see, Jake. loves. water. If he could chose anywhere to live, it would be on the water. And God is so good... As he was praying about rather or not the Lord was calling us to Knoxville, he realized that the Tennessee River and Fort Loudon Lake run right through the area where He's opening doors. And for me, still being in the Tennessee hills makes me feel right at home. (So note: don't be afraid to ask God for things. Sometimes He calls you to make big sacrifices while simultaneously filling the desires of your heart.) 

Its a bittersweet transition for me. I've lived in Spring Hill for 18 years (with the exception of our first married year in Franklin). I went to youth group in Thompsons Station, prom at Page and Spring Hill High, and graduated here with my homeschool class. I met my husband here, this is where we dated, where he proposed and we got married in Cool Springs. I birthed all 5 of my babies in Williamson Medical and this is where we brought Micah home. Both of our only 2 homes are in Spring Hill. This is home.

Except this isn't our home. Knoxville won't be our home either. Our home is in heaven. This life isn't about setting up camp, its about living for something greater than ourselves. Its about living for Jesus. And He called us to make disciples. He said that people would know His disciples by their love for one another. Home is where we are loving people, reaching the lost and making disciples.

My dream home is up on hill, with a perfect view of the mountains, a lake in the valley, a big front porch, all hardwood floors, clawfoot tub in my bathroom and a screened in porch in the back. ;) I have no doubt that's what the Lord is working on for me in heaven. And if I get a little taste of that on earth, awesome. But until He comes, there's work to be done. People need the hands and feet of Jesus to walk with them through their mess. I need people to walk with me through my mess! My kids need to be discipled themselves and my husband needs me to be supportive of his/our ministry. 

This next life adventure isn't going to be easy. Its probably going to be really really hard. I'm not always going to be up for the challenge. Some days I'm going to loose it and cry in my room for a while. I know this because we've been on adventures before. Not church planting specifically, but... we've seen our share of challenge. But God is faithful to His Word and when He calls (or allows) us to walk through something, He sustains us through it.

In Gods economy, the hard road is so much better than the easy one. It produces fruit in and around us and it Glorifies Him. What more could you ask for?

There's so much more I could say, but that covers most the update from the perspective of our family life. I will update my blog more, now that this is official and I have the freedom to do so. And you can follow the church updates at www.gracechapelknoxville.net 

For now, some prayer points for our family specifically:

~For a smooth transition for the kids

~That the Lord would be in every detail of selling our house

~That we would find just the right house in just the right area of Knoxville

~Stamina for Jake as he travels back and forth until we're there

~Wisdom as we look at schools for Micah and Abby

Thank you, precious friends and family who have loved us so well, for your prayers as begin this journey. To Jesus be the Glory.

Common-for-me weirdness

Weirdness is sort of normal in my life. Or maybe its not weird at all. I mean, who makes the scale really?

Some of it just comes along with parenthood. Some of it comes along with parenting children with special needs. Highlights this week:

Monday I found Kate crying and "stuck" in the window (standing on the window sill with her body pressed against the glass and she couldn't move or she would fall)... In just her underwear. Which has to look really strange and inappropriate from outside.

Monday night I cut new bangs for Emily and inadvertently created my own mini lookalike. I'm afraid people will think I did it on purpose. I truly didn't realize she looks so much like me or I wouldn't have cut her bangs exactly like mine.

Tuesday I discussed in full detail, my sons bowel movements to his special education teacher. Including the distinct scent and color. She may have said the words "we thought someone had a strong marker in the room" to me.

Then Wednesday happened and it got me thinking.

Wednesday was just another typical, common-for-me weird day. I got four kids ready for school. Two who do 90% of the work themselves and two who do 10% of the work themselves. I helped Ashley fix her hair, signed Emily's folders and kissed my big girls as I sent them out the door with Daddy.

Then I got Micah and Abby up. I got their lunches packed, made their breakfast, helped them get dressed, brushed their teeth, helped Abby with her shoes, wiped both of their faces, brushed Abby's hair, signed their folders, wrote reply notes to their aids, told Micah for millionth time not to bend forward and flip his heavy backpack up over his head because it could break his iPad, made them both go potty one last time... and then kissed my "middle two" and coaxed them onto the bus. The way I do every. single. morning.

Then I got the two little girls fed and dressed and we headed to ballet. (We've officially hit the place where Mabry is surpassing Micah and Abby in development, so much of the things I do for them, I don't need to do for Mabry. Or even Kate sometimes.)

Kate's Kindermusik class was canceled so I chased her around Mabry's ballet class, thankful that my best friend is the teacher and didn't care about a disruptive 2 year old. (And that the other parents didn't seem too annoyed.)

We had lunch with D'Arcy, with only one "MOM I'M GONNA PEE!!" and emergency potty trip. After that I let the girls run around the mall playland, and left slightly embarrassed that Kate had started stripping when I was involved in conversation. (But just slightly embarrassed. I've gotten pretty used to those moments.)

Then I left the girls with D'Arc and headed to Nashville. I had an appointment at the Vanderbilt Kennedy Center. They wanted to interview me about our church special need ministry and what it means to our family.

So for about 45 minutes I sat in a small, nearly empty, uncomfortably warm room with two women I'd never met asking me questions that they were professionally (and a little mechanically) reading from printed papers. Besides those papers, the only other thing on the board room table was two recorders with the microphones facing me.

At first I was a little nervous. And painfully aware of the clock because if I didn't leave on time, I'd be late to pick up my little girls and then late to meet the bus and the carpool.

But as I answered their questions, the weird situation melted away and several things ran through my head.

"I can't believe we've been a part of Grace Chapel for so long." Part of the interview included what first drew us to this church. I was 18, I don't fully remember. Except that God led me there. I was young, in love with my fiance, and on fire for the Lord.

"I can't believe I'm sitting here as the mom who has kids with special needs." I would never have guessed that would be me. The world of special needs would not only come to define a part of who I am, but I'm passionate about it. Never would have imagined.

"My kids-- all of them-- are loved." Our church special needs ministry makes it possible for parents like me to be a part of service. I drop my kids off and don't give it a lot more thought until service is over. Some parents who have kids with special needs aren't even able to go to church because they don't feel like they can.

"I am so blessed. Thank you Lord, for community, church family, and friends." I am so humbled. And so blessed.

If I could say one thing to the special needs parents out there... the ones who never would have imaged that they'd be special needs parents... the ones who don't think they're able to go to church anymore... the ones who have to do 90% of the work to get their kids ready... who worry about health concerns, behavior issues, stares from others, ignorant questions and who will love their kids if they drop them off in children's church....

Don't give up the search. There are churches out there where you can go. Its worth the hunt.

I know its a very real struggle. That's why the Kennedy Center is doing this research. To help churches help you. Keep trying. You might even meet other families who walk through your same common-for-you weirdness. Then we can all be common-for-us weird. Together. :)

VBS: Micah and Abby style

I mentioned before that Micah and Abby got to be a part of our church VBS this year, for the first time. Each with a "buddy". Micah's buddy got this video for me of the kids during worship. I wasn't able to see any of this in person that week because my crew was in the back and there were over 400 kids and leaders in the gym. But this is so Micah and Abby. Fully embracing the music. 

And once again these two teach me life lessons. I wish I could enjoy each moment like this. Carefree, enjoying life for what it is. Dancing with abandon and no concern for what others think but occasionally turning to show others what they've learned... to show them the way. Loving one another, dancing together playfully.

Being a crew leader I can tell you that some of the kids in my group were hesitant to do the hand motions. Worried if the other kids were going to do it too or not. But not Micah and Abby. There is zero concern here for the hundreds (literally) of people behind them.

Oh that we would enjoy life this way...

Clip 1:

http://youtu.be/_K0OwLjQdVo

Clip 2:

http://youtu.be/KQjWHRD7Ods

Standing Strong

In efforts to catch up my blog so that our family memories are {sort of} in one place, I'm going to recap some of 2013. But I'm afraid the first post is one of the most painful to write.

January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd... 

I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.

What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say,  Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.

Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer. 

Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He  is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.

But for us...

In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus.... 

And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."

Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor. 

Diagnosis: mono. 
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?

"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor. 
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back." 
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away." 
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*

I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.

~~~

This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.

The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"

Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,

"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"

and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words. 

The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...

But through the lessons this week,  it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.

When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.

So that I can stand strong.

Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)

Still

Well, I might as well blog about it. Since I have the time.

I mentioned it a bit in my last post. But here it is again.

I've got mono. :(

It all started before Christmas. I was feeling pretty miserable. But honestly, I was so on guard for flu symptoms, that I didn't stop to think what else could be wrong. I had no congestion. No runny nose. Not really a sore throat. But my neck hurt. Like... swollen kinda hurt. And my lower back hurt just a little. And I was getting migraines. 30 years and I've never had a migraine. Until now. But my biggest complaint- fatigue. I was so tired. All the time. But hey, I've got six kids. And it was Christmastime. Who wouldn't be tired?

But still, there was something there.

I told myself to deal with it and I moved on.

Until finally I got to the point that I knew something must be really wrong with me. And actually, the only reason I finally saw a doctor was because if something was wrong, I just wanted to know so I could start on an antibiotic or something and be done with it. Because like Sweet Brown says, "Ain't no body got time for that!" ;)

The doctor did a flu test and a strep test. Both were negative. But after barely touching the back of my neck, my doctor have a "Oooohhh, now I know what's wrong" followed by a "You're not gonna like this". Which, ya know, is always what you want to hear from your doctor.

She said the glands in my neck were sticking out. And that she thought it was mono, though it's rare for someone my age to catch it. I told her I'd had it several times in high school. She said that made sense. And to make a long story short, it's kind of been latent in my body and could really only be brought about by extreme stress or not taking care of myself.   .....Who me???? ;)

So they drew blood to confirm that it was mono and sent me home with a steroid.

~~~

After being on the steroid for those 7 days or whatever it was, I felt great. Totally fine. And when they called with the results of the blood test, she said it was already 4 weeks in. So I thought, great! I'm practically done with it!

Wroooooong.

A few days after my last steroid pill, my back started hurting again. And though low, I've had a fever the last couple of nights.

I still have mono.

And once again the thing that bothers me more than anything else- is the exhaustion. I can't function. And in this house, the mom has to function.

And if all that wasn't fun enough, Jake has a Sr. High winter retreat for 4 days. Which means....

Watch the amazing "SOLO MOMMY! As she swirls through the house cleaning and cooking while juggling six children IN THE AIR!! And for her next act she's going to swallow fire!"

But ya know, I can't do it. I physically cannot. And even if I physically could, I have to rest or this thing is never gonna be over.

So for once in my life, I swallowed my pride. And asked for help. (via facebook) Are you proud of me??!! You should be!! Its not easy for me! Why should people come do something for me when they are busy with their own lives? But my husband gently reminded me that I'm loved and that people want to help if they can. And he was right. Boy was he right.

I've got dinner coming every night this weekend. The 2nd grade class moms have lined up meals for the rest of the week. Yesterday a friend bought me groceries. Mallory is taking the baby girls for a couple of days, Ashley and Emily have been farmed out to friends (and teachers, actually) to play and sleepover. My neighbors even took Mabry to dinner last night and are going to do some laundry for me. And I've had lots more offers for help as well. I'm so blessed, I want to cry. God's people are awesome.

And now...

I can be still.

So until this thing passes (and I'm praying that day is coming soon), I'm going to accept the help with gladness. I'm going to rest the way I need to. I'm going to let the dust bunnies collect under the kitchen table and snuggle with my babies. Maybe the Lord will reveal a thing or two to this stubborn conquer-all mommy. Like how to be still.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Father God, teach me to be still and know that You alone are the great I am. Be exalted in this home... be exalted in my heart.

Finishing out 2012

Well, hello there little blog. I promise I haven't forgotten you.

The month of time since my last post has been... one to remember.

We had a truly wonderful Christmas. Celebrating with Jakes family first, we had "Christmas" mid-December before they had to go back to the Dominican Republic. What a precious time. My mom and dad -in law- are so loved and missed. It truly did good to my heart to spend that time with them.

Santa's 8 reindeer! Otherwise known as the Spencer and Westbeld kids. ;)

Then came a rush of winter sickness. The four youngest all got strep throat. Then Jake had strep and the flu. And I had been feeling down... like, really down... but didn't find out until last week that it was Mono. :( Yuck. And anyway, all the kids except for Ashley came down with some sort of flu-like bug. A few days of a pretty low fever, feeling miserable, sort of a cough... but I don't think it was the actual flu.

Antibiotics anyone?

As always, we spent Christmas morning just our family. Among the hit toys this year: Ashley got a Furby, Emily a Barbie house, Micah a blow up ball pit, Abby a baby with a potty (in hopes she'll pick up the hint!), Mabry and Kate some accessories for their baby dolls.

And around lunch all the extended family (my side this time) came over. My mom got married this year, so this was our first Christmas with some new extended family. Plus my brother was in town. And because David (my mom's husband) has a wheelchair accessible van, my grandparents were able to come over, Papaw's wheelchair and all. The whole bunch of us under one roof. We all agree'd that it was one of the best Christmas' for our family. Such a sweet time we had together.

4 Generations :)

Jake passing out gifts

Nana (my mom) and Emily

Papaw and me

My brother Colby, my mom and me

My Christmas cards didn't go out until 4 days after Christmas. And because I wrote the addresses on all of them with wrong "orientation" (sideways), several came back. So if you usually get a Christmas card from me but didn't this year, sorry about that.

For New Years, our "Cheers Group" group came over. (Thats what our church calls small groups. Ya know, "where everybody knows your name") :) We made some yummy food, played some games, and laughed til our sides hurt. And at midnight, we tooted our noise makers on the front porch like a bunch of teenagers (and could be heard by every neighbor for a couple of blocks, I'm sure), but it was more fun than I've had in a long time! We sure love our group of friends and are so thankful for them. Its so cool to see the body of Christ being the body of Christ to one another and loving each other well.

Our whole bunch a' crazies. :)

Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers!

Got to kiss this guy at midnight. :)

(I also posted a little clip from our crazy night on my YouTube channel. You can check it out by clicking on my YouTube link to the right.)

So after all the beauty and wonder of Christmas... 

and all the joy and laughter of New Years...

came something I was not prepared for. Something I need to work up the strength to write about. 

On January 2nd, my sweet, amazing, beloved Papaw went to be with Jesus. I'll share the story of that soon. And will hopefully find even more healing in telling it. For now I can say that God is good and we are all doing ok. We don't mourn like those who have no hope. (I Thes. 4:13)

But I miss my Papaw.

And that's a story for ... soon. But not now.

~~~


To all who read my humble little un-kept, infrequently updated blog- I pray that you and yours had a blessed 2012, a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. From our family to yours....