Your weekly update: Uncreative juice

I've really been wanting to blog. Well... I guess I do blog. I should say: I've really been wanting to post. And to write. Something creative. But alas, my creative juices... aren't creative. And that just leaves juice. Yeah I don't know what that means either. Whatever.

Ok, so anyway, there is no lack of information and happenings to share, so I'm just gonna throw 'em all out there and hope you enjoy the update.

(This is in no particular, significant order by the way.)

The kids are done with school.

Ashley is officially a 2nd grader, which freaks me out a lot less than I thought it would. On the other hand, I'm totally an emotional wreck over Emily graduating from Kindergarten. (And I'm too tired to figure out the difference in why.) Micah and Abby will officially be changing schools next year because our new house is just inside a different county. I have mixed feelings about that too... I don't really want them to have to go through the process of new teachers/friends/routines/etc. but I also know the schools in this county are generally much better, so maybe in the long run it'll be a great thing.

We move into our house in 3 days.

While the nesting mother in me has been completely appalled and quite honestly, discouraged, by the previous nastiness that was in that house... I'm starting to get really excited watching the walls all be painted and the floors put in this week. Bye bye gross stuff that I won't even share on my blog; hello clean, new, big house!!! :) We paid someone to paint the whole house. If you know me, you know how painful that is. I LOVE to paint. Love the colors, love the smell, love that it creates something clean and new, love the satisfaction of results. But, I had to come to terms with the reality that I'm 35 weeks pregnant and that house is 3500 sq ft. Yeah.... not so much. So I picked all my colors, hired a friend, and its looking awesome. I also hired a friend to clean the bathrooms because of previously mentioned-- well... unmentioned I guess-- funk. Yuck. But as with the painting: weird to pay someone because I'm a mom and thats what I do. (I also used to do it for a living.) But again- 35 weeks pregnant, a strangers nasty bathroom germs, and hardcore cleaner fumes don't mix. And as with the paint- really happy about awesome results. :) :) :) And tomorrow all of the hairy, stained, royal blue carpets are being replaced. One word: Hallelujah. By Friday it'll be like a completely new house. It almost feels too good to be true.

Avery.

Ok, its time for me to start making my predictions. I think she's going to be one of my bigger (if not biggest babies). OR she'll be like Emily... small but muscular. Abby was, of course, the smallest at 5 lbs 5 oz. Mabry was the biggest at 7 lbs. 12 oz. Emily was 7 lbs. 1 oz. but had incredibly muscular legs (to no surprise by me). Avery kicks every bit as hard as Emily did if not harder. Hence my prediction: she'll either be big or just muscular. I also think she's going to have lots of hair. I had the most heartburn with Ashley and she had the most hair. I have more heartburn with Avery than EVER and she MIGHT come out looking like Rapunzel.

But of course now that I've said all of that she will come out at like 6 lbs and bald. What do I know. :)

I did have one little scare about a week ago. I felt this huge movement, not just a normal kick, and then a ton of chest pressure (but only when I would lay down) and then almost no movement from Avery for the next few hours. It really worried me. But I went in to see the Dr and she did a quick ultrasound which showed a healthy Avery Kate in a head down position. So we're gonna guess that big movement was her finally turning head down (maybe she was breech before?) and that the pressure was from her new position on my diaphragm. And of course she said that if I ever don't feel movement like that again, to go straight in. So that was the end of that and now she's back to her crazy strong, kicking self. If I post soon saying she actually broke one of my ribs, don't be surprised!

Ok well, thats my life right now. Shopping for light fixtures and doorknobs with 5 kids who are no longer in school, while being kicked in the ribs and breathing fire. Yeah, that sounds about right! ;)

Counting down

I kind of feel like my whole life is in count down mode right now.

1 Day until we close on our new house

5 Days until all four of my school kids are officially done for the year

8 Days until we move into our new house

5 1/2 Weeks until my due date

I was thinking in the car the other day that I don't want to live life in countdown mode. I want to live each day to the fullest regardless of what things we are waiting for. Knowing that each day my kids are still growing (and will never be this little again). Knowing that each day is bringing me closer to the end of this pregnancy (and unless God intervene's in some miraculous way, I won't ever carry a baby again). Knowing each day is bring me closer to the return of my King. Oh please, Lord, come!!!

Its not been easy to have that kind of eternal perspective lately. When everything in me wants to be done with this very difficult (yet short) season. But thats my goal. Not some huge, groundbreaking information, but thats my thought for the day. :)

A normal lunch

Today I had lunch with my mom. Just about an hour ago actually. Just a normal lunch: a twenty-something mom with 3 kids in tow, meeting her forty-something mom at a quiet mexican restaurant in the middle of the week. Just to catch up.

But do you know what a "normal" lunch looks like for me? I can't hold kids on my hip anymore because of my enormous belly, so I'm walking in holding 3 little hands with only two of mine. Somebody's gotta share. And because one of them has only been walking a few months and the other two have very low muscle tone, everyone is tripping over someone else and I'm quite sure it looks as if I'm just dragging my children in by their arms.

After we are seated, (and Abby has made sure to give everyone there a very warm welcome) Mabry decides she doesn't want to sit in her high chair but stand in it and Micah decides its best to hurl his sippy cup across the room because its not his beverage of choice. Abby immediately grabbed the salt shaker and shook it vigorously all over her menu with a look that said, "isn't this what I'm supposed to do as soon as we sit down?" Grateful to see my mom walk in for back-up, I try to sit... for a second. Abby lets me know through very clear words and signs that she's wet. But what she really means is that she just pooped water and its about to come leaking out. (You should know by now the graphic nature of this blog and read at your own risk.) So I reluctantly leave the other two with my poor mother, to change Abby. On the way to the bathroom she passes each booth (whom she's already greeted) with a "HI! Pooped!!" and a big cheesy wave and grin.

Which reminds me... does anyone know the weight limit for the Koala changing stations in public restrooms? This question was repeating in my mind as the door/table was creaking while I was cleaning up my 4 year old's little bottom, wondering how I would catch her if it came crashing down...

Back at the table, my mom and I tried to resume "normal" conversation. Yet somehow it kept coming back to- interpretation of Micah's sign language, how kids might get staph infections on their bottoms, what Abby ate last, and lots of other things that I had no intention of talking about when we made lunch plans.

Before the meal was over, I had one more trip to the bathroom with Abby, everyone there was exposed to the highest pitch of Mabry's voice box, and there was more food on the floor than in our stomachs. Except of course Micah, who literally licked his plate of guacamole clean.

But for me... all of this... is normal.

So if anyone would like to meet me for lunch to catch up, lets try to do it on the weekend. When Jake is home.

Mom I owe you another lunch date.

Tired but good

Aaaahhh to sit and update the ol' blog. :) Something I haven't done in far to long. But come to think of it, there are many things I probably need to do that I haven't in far too long. To all of you whom I owe an email back, forgive me, I promise I haven't forgotten. :)

The truth is, I don't get on my computer much these days.

Right now I type this with a very poor internet connection from the "living room" (I'm chuckling to myself right now that I'm even calling it that) of our humble hotel/suite. We've been here for a week and have one more week to go. Per a friends' suggestion, I'm going to share with you what its like in our tiny quarters. You walk into the very small, said living room with a fold out couch, coffee table, a dresser and TV. Then there is a two person table that connects it to the kitchen: a small fridge, a mini microwave, a sink and two electric burners. There is one door to a full bathroom and another door to a bedroom which has a king size bed, a desk, and another dresser with a TV. Surprisingly there's another full size bathroom in that bedroom.

Yes, its tight with 7 people, but it actually works. Micah and Abby sleep on the floor next to our bed (on cozy palates that I secretly think might be softer than our mattress), Mabry's pack n'play is in the 2nd bathroom (for those who know me, putting pack n'plays in bathrooms and large closets is nothing new! :)), and Ashley and Emily share the fold out couch. So really its not a bad setup. No one is getting much sleep, but hey, we've all got a cozy place to lay down. :)

At mealtime (and yes I've been cooking... creatively...) Micah and Abby sit at the coffee table, Mabry sits in her trayed booster seat on the floor, and the girls sit at the table. Jake and I either eat standing or "facilitate" the kids while they're eating and just eat when they're all done. The kitchen has one pot, one skillet, one spatula and a few dishes. So we've had tacos, spaghetti, hot dogs, sandwiches, and a few meals out. :)

Its not in our town but close enough. Jake is still taking the girls to school every day and I'm just driving the little ones into Spring Hill for school a couple of days a week.

Oh and Florida! Well... it was an adventure. :) Me, my friend, 9 children and a babysitter. We lived. (Because I don't have a great connection here, I've opted to only post the pics of that on FB, so if we're FB friends, you'll have to check them out there.) Lets see.... the plan was to leave out after church on Sunday (Easter). But because something MUST go wrong, Abby threw up all over herself minutes before we had to leave for church. The next few hours after that were, um, interesting. My mom came to my rescue as I waited for my friend to get out of church... and those were a couple of interesting hours that Mom and I don't even want to remember so I'll move along in the story. (Thanks again, Mom) :) So I met up with D'Arcy and we hit the road around lunch time and had what I would consider a fairly successful caravan to Florida. (Side note- Abby never threw up again, thankfully!)

Our week was good, but extremely tiring. Micah really needs to NOT be away from his Daddy that long. He knows exactly how to push my buttons. And he's a professional escape artist who nearly gave me a heart attack... a couple of times. The other kids did okay. Just the usual stuff- the girls wanted to talk my head off 24 hours a day, bicker with one another, and perfect their love/hate sister relationship. The other highlights: we went through more sunscreen than I thought was possible, we watched the tail end of the Royal wedding, Ashley, Emily and Micah are all a little braver in the pool, Mabry and Abby finally made friends with the sand on the beach, and we made more memories taking late night walks to the Sugar Shack.

At the end of the week, I had to drive back a couple of days earlier than D'Arcy. Yes, I was a little nervous driving the 8 hour drive home alone, in my 3rd trimester, with five children, 3 of which are in diapers and the other two not old enough to be considered help when you're traveling. (In other words, if I had to pee, we ALL went in.) But actually, it went surprisingly well. Except for that one incident when Micah opened his door while going 70 through downtown Birmingham. That was a little scary.... ANYway...

I still say I'd rather be busy at the beach than busy at home. :) And I DID get a little start on a summer tan, even with a baby on my hip. :)

Last but not least, baby Avery is kicking my butt. Well... my abdomen I guess. :) She's a strong baby, and reminds me a lot of Emily in the womb. Extremely active but to the point of being painful. I've gained decent weight (though I lost a couple of lbs at the beach, lol, no big surprise there!) but I've been having these weird nauseous/dizzy spells the last couple of days. And the exhaustion is really getting to me too. I think I could sleep 12 hours at night AND take naps and still be tired... just can't seem to catch up. :/

Ok, well, speaking of sleep, its off to bed for this tired momma. We still plan to close on the house May 20th, so please keep us in your prayers. I can't wait to share pics of our new beautiful house when this whole escapade is over!

Just the facts

I really want to write a creative, sentimental, heart warming post about how we are officially out of the house that we lived in for the last 8 years. But I'm so utterly drained physically (ok, and emotionally) to talk about it. But I feel I need to at least share what's going on now.

We closed on our house yesterday. Finally. :) We got the last of our stuff out, signed the papers, and handed over our keys. The last day and a half since has been... a little nuts.

We are officially in my in-laws place. For those that missed it before, my mother- and father-in-law are in Costa Rica doing language training to be on the mission field. My brother-in-law was the only one living in their house but he graciously stepped out of this 600 sq ft place so my family of 7 could have somewhere to stay for free for the week. :) It is tight, yes, but we're making it work and we're completely grateful for a free place to stay. Jake's parents come back into the states on Friday so we'll be out by then, and moving in with some friends for a couple of days before the kids and I leave for Florida. Jake needs to stay here to stay on top of house stuff and ya know... work. :)

The big news: we finally came to a contractual agreement on a house! It was a foreclosure and needs a lot of work, but hopefully work that can be done quickly. The very latest we will close is May 20th. (Obviously praying it will be much sooner!)

And if you do the math, that puts us moving in when I'm 35-36 weeks. Whew! Cutting it close. :)

Ok, this is the part where I'm tempted to open my heart and share more, but truly... I'm exhausted! These are going to be a crazy few weeks so I might not get a chance to update more, but if you are able to pray, here are my requests:

~That the closing on the new house would happen sooner than later

~Safety as we travel to FL

~Sanity for this pregnant momma

~That my many many Braxton Hicks would stay just that and not become true labor until its time.... and we have a home. :)

~Peace for my little ones during this transition

~Jake. Though he IS in fact, superman, he could still use prayer as the weight of SO much is on his shoulders.

~Health for all (Abby and Mabry have had the pukes the last 2 days.) :(

Thanks to all our family and friends for loving us and doing what you can to help us out. We're so grateful. Much much love to you all...

Where I am. Physically and otherwise...

So everyone has been asking: "Where are you now?"

Weeelllll....

We are still in our house. It just doesn't feel like it because we are still in what I previously referred to as "camp mode".

Why are we still in our house? Because the buyers keep requesting to move back the closing date so they can have a little more time to pull their paperwork together. Our agent says this is nothing to worry about, that they still want the house, its just paperwork stuff. The cons of this situation are: well, we sure wouldn't have packed up all of our stuff and moved it all into storage two weeks ago. The pro: we have no were else to go, so at least we have a roof over our heads. :) So while it is a bit annoying, we're thankful to be here as long as we can. Almost like the Lord is taking care of us. ;)

How long will we be here? I don't know for sure but we will probably close the end of this week now. Jake actually just brought back our loveseat (so we at least have somewhere to sit), and a little kids table and chairs (so the kids aren't eating on the floor). Boy after living with nothing for even a short while, its amazing how grateful you are for basic furniture! And I'm basically still relying on some amazing friends and church family to do laundry. THANK YOU... you know who you are. :)

Where are we going from here? Keeping with the original plan to go to my in-laws until they get back from Costa Rica. And after that, going to the beach for a week (because hey, there's no where else to go right?! lol) and after that, we still aren't sure.

Have we found a house? Right now we are offering/counter-offering on house #3. The first two didn't work out. Long story. But even if we get the one we are working at now, we won't be able to close until about a week into May. Thats at the very earliest.

How am *I* holding up? You really want to know? (This is your chance to close this window and pretend Amy has it all together. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Well... I'm kind of upset with myself that I'm not better at this. When things are comfortable its so easy to say, "OH, I can do that! I'm young, I'm strong, I'm resilient, I can navigate our family through whatever it is we need to do during this time of transition." But unfortunately I'm irritable, slightly depressed, and I might have scared my husband the other day when I burst into tears while making dinner.

Am I going to be okay? Yes.

Is there anything anyone can do to help? Not really.

Am I being a whiner? Yes.

Do I need to just suck it up? Yeah.

And do I KNOW that? Fully.

(I'm in the mood for Q&A type posts, just humor me.) :)

I could sit here and tell you that I'm a trooper and I'm hanging in there. I could tell you that I'm doing what needs to be done and have a great attitude and that I'm excited about where God is taking us next. But that wouldn't be honest.

The truth is that I'm emotional and a little bit miserable and all I want is to be in a house thats already set up. I want to send my kids to school and spend the day sitting in a rocking chair, singing to the baby in my womb while folding tiny newborn onsies freshly washed in Dreft. I want to set up a bassinet next to my bed and smile at it every time I walk through the room.

But ya know? I do need to suck it up. That time will come, its just not here yet. Right now I need to focus on who's house I'm going to do laundry at next, make sure we have enough plastic spoons for breakfast in the morning, and give my kids extra cuddles at night because I'm one of the only solid things in their little lives right now. (Because, hold on to your seat, I'm not the only one going through this!) I need to give some honest input to my husband on the pros and cons of the houses we're looking at instead of feeling "over it" whenever the subject comes up. I need to get on my knees and.... well, I just need to get on my knees.

I need to be a mom, wife and child of God instead of a big baby. Ouch, it almost hurts just reading that. :)

So.

Somehow this post went from being a house update to confessions of the whiny and irritable. Sorry about that. Wait, no I'm not. :) Thanks for reading. Stay tuned to see how God whips me into shape as I'm quite certain He will. As only He can. Please Lord... :)

A perfect description

I've been thinking all day that I really need to update my blog. And while I do plan to post sometime this weekend with a house update, I came across this little description of my baby and body for "this" week on BabyCenter. And it fits me to a T. So why re-write when I can just share straight from BabyCenter, right?



"As baby gets bigger and stronger, you may be experiencing leg cramps and mild swelling of ankles and feet, difficulty sleeping, shortness of breath, lower abdominal achiness, clumsiness and scattered Braxton Hicks contractions (hardening and relaxing of the uterus, like rehearsals for labor). You may also be urinating more frequently again as the uterus continues to push on your bladder."

Yeeaaaahhh that about sums it up!!! :) Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing. :)

This week's adventure

Disclaimer: a lot of this might sound like complaining but I'm really just... sharing. :)

Ok, so... my last update left us with boxes boxes everywhere. And now... its quite different! Lets see where to begin....

We thought we were closing... today actually. And we knew that it would be difficult to find moving help in the middle of the week when everyone was working, so we moved ALL of our stuff out of the house Sunday and Monday (most of our helpers were church staff guys who are off on Monday). The plan was to stay here with as little as possible, because its free :) until we closed. But now the closing has been pushed back to Monday, so we'll be in "camp mode" for a little longer.

What does "camp mode" look like? It looks like a completely empty house with the exception of: Mattresses on the floor in each room and Mabry in a pack n'play. The living room has just a small table with a tv on it, one laundry basket of toys, and 4 or 5 throw pillows and couple blankets on the wood floor. The kitchen has three booster seats sitting on the floor for the 3 little ones and two barstools at the counter where Ashley and Emily eat and do homework. (Jake and I stand to eat or wait til the girls are done.) I have one skillet, one pot, one mixing bowl and a couple of utensils for cooking, but we eat on paper plates, paper bowls, plastic cups, plastic forks, etc etc. I set aside 5 or 6 outfits and pajamas for each of us because they took the washer and dryer too.

The most difficult part is... well, life. :) Micah and Abby are still on spring break this week, and they are bored to death. One basket of toys is only so entertaining. And you can only watch so much "Super Why" and "Caillou" ya know? Its been cold and raining, so they can't play outside. And Micah and Abby both have way green snotty noses so I feel bad to take them to McDonalds playland or anything like that. Mabry's been incredibly clingy and I can only assume its because she's confused by these strange living arrangements and not having the comfort of her usual routines. So she won't let me out of her sight and wants me to hold her as much as possible. And because she's stressed, Abby thinks that must mean she should be too... so she'll watch Mabry fuss and then give this fake wimper and want me to hold her too! Micah could care less about the changes but wants to test all the new boundaries constantly. Like seeing how much wire comes out of the floor when he pulls on the cables, or pressing all the buttons on the TV (this is not new, its just closer to his eye level and more tempting now), or seeing what he can reach when he turns the laundry basket upside down and stands on it. This is all great fun. *insert sarcasm* As I type this, he's pulling the air vent cover off the floor and throwing little toys into the vent. Awesome.

The other thing is that its hard for me to sit in the living room with them while they play because even sitting on a throw pillow, my joints are not happy. Nor is my back. Nor is Avery. Especially when I'm cross-legged on a pillow on a hard floor with a baby in the belly, Mabry on one leg and Abby on the other. Which is how they prefer it 90% of the day. Oww.

So again, back to my disclaimer- this might all sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not! Just giving you the low down of real life at soon-to-be old Spencer house. :) Wanna know what I'm thankful for? I'm thankful our house actually sold! I'm thankful that I don't have a washer and dryer or dishes, so there is no laundry or dishes to keep up with! REALLY thankful for that. :) I'm thankful that clean-up is quick when you only have one basket of toys in the whole house. I'm thankful that we aren't crammed into a tiny space (yet... keep reading), and that we still have mattresses to sleep on. I'm thankful that Ashley and Emily are back in school and aren't stuck here with us, bored. I'm thankful that this isn't going to last forever! :)

As for the next Spencer abode....

The short sale that we were waiting on... well, thats not going to work out. Jake just happened to the Lord divinely appointed Jake to drive by that house on the very day that the family was moving out. And they told him that they were taking it off the market and they're going to rent it. Hmm, that would be useful information to the people that are trying to buy your house... heck, even your real estate agent! Whatever. Thats okay. :) So while we were really disappointed, at least it was an answer one way or the other. And time to move on to the next thing.

So now we've found a foreclosure that we really like. Its 4 bedrooms and an office (that will work as a bedroom) and a huge bonus room. A big nice kitchen and a livingroom with lots of tall windows. The back yard is fenced in and its at the back of a culdesac. All awesome features. So we put in an offer yesterday and we're waiting to hear back.

The current plan is to go from here to my in-laws' place next week (which is where the cramming into a tiny space comes into play). But its free! Praise the Lord!! Again, thankful for free. :D And when they get home from Costa Rica, we'll go from there to... hmm, thats the part we have to figure out. :) But, this is all temporary. And in the end, we'll have a nice big house that we can stay in... forever!

And then comes the next adventure: unpacking. And the next adventure: a new baby. And the next adventure: Jake spending the summer at youth camps and mission trips while Amy is at home alone with 5 kids and a new baby!! The adventures never end, really. But... lets just take it one adventure at a time. :)

I hate boxes

Must...... update.... blog............ Too..... tired.... to.... type...............

Seriously its just about that bad! My fingers might all fall off so I'm just updating quickly to say a few things.

I hate boxes.

Moving stinks.

I haven't been out of my house since church Sunday morning... and its Friday.

I'm so thankful for my best friend who's willing to push her sleeves up with me no matter the hour or number of children hanging on to our legs.

I love that I can cry to my mom know matter how old I am.

Moving stinks.

My belly is getting really big.

My back hurts.

I'm ready for my kids to go back to school.

I need to take a shower.

I hate boxes.

Its going to be a really interesting couple of months until we move into our new house.

I hate boxes.

Moving stinks.

The bank still hasn't gotten back with us about the short-sale house.

I don't want to see another box or tape gun as long as I live.

I hate boxes.

We're basically going to be homeless for the month of April.

I hate boxes.

Oh. And moving stinks.

And ya know? Through it all, I can say God is good. And I'm still daily putting my faith in Him. But... I still hate boxes. ;)

Step by step guide: how NOT to pack to move

Pre- Packing week:

~Assume that your kids being home on Spring Break the week of your packing will make it easier because you won't have to pack lunches or deal with homework

~When people offer to help, smile and say thanks but never line anything up

~Ignore the weird blood pressure/blood sugar/dizziness/who-knows-what issues you've been having and pretend they'll disappear while you're packing

Night before you begin:

~Feed your husband bad mexican food leftovers for dinner causing him to be up all night with food poisoning. This way he'll be home, in bed, sleeping all day the first day. Double bonus: you can't get into your bedroom/bathroom AND you'll have to keep your children quiet while he sleeps

Day 1 (Monday):

~Be sure to call your friends who wanted to help you out today and tell them that they can't come now because your husband was puking all night

~Ignore your mother's advice to leave boxes where they are after you pack them (so you aren't doing heavy lifting) because you are hard headed and want the room clear

~Be a pushover and allow your kids to stay in the house instead of making them play outside, causing more stress on yourself, more clutter in the house, and keeping your husband from resting

~Leave your sharpie sitting out so your 4 year old finds it and "colors" her face

~Leave the room for 2 seconds with a fully packed but untaped box so your little ones can empty it completely

~Repeat several times

~Let your older kids make forts out of the empty boxes on the porch and trust them when they tell you that they cleaned up

~Don't take a nap, sleep is over-rated

~Forget to plan dinner and spend more than you want to on take-out that isn't even very good

~Spend the evening on the couch with Braxton Hicks, swollen feet and a bottle of water

Days 2-5 to be continued....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so I'm learning! :) But on the brighter side, I did get both of the two kids' rooms and closets (with the exception of clothes) packed up! 19 boxes packed, check!!! I feel pretty good about that. The goal is to have everything done by this weekend. (We close the middle of next week.) I also need to make the big summer/winter clothing switch for all 5 kids. In the past thats proven to be a day long process in and of its self... and since its supposed to be super nice outside all week and all my kids have in their closets are turtlenecks and sweaters ;) I think I'll do that project tomorrow and resume packing full force Wednesday-Friday. If you've offered to help me out, I've not emailed you to set a time, and you're still serious about wanting to help, please email or call me. :) I surrender, I can't do this alone!

Lastly, we're planning to put our stuff into storage because we are... yes... still waiting to hear back on the short sale. :) So we're looking to rent something in the Spring Hill area for April and/or May. If you know of anything available, please let me know. Thanks!

Ok, time for bed. I'm exhausted!!!

Energy for the day

Somehow I woke up surprisingly refreshed despite my very minimal sleep last night. Which was incredibly miserable by the way! But I think I know why I'm feeling some energy this morning. I think its because...

~I know its going to be warm today and I'm really looking forward to it. Sleeveless shirts, open windows and flipflops. Oh how I've missed you. It energizes me. :)

~None of my kids have school today. And though they all chose to wake up at the same time anyway, they're all looking especially cute and kissable today.

~Today is Jake's day off. Which means we'll spend most of the next two days together (Sundays are really a work day for him). And everything is more fun when Jake is around.

~I've got some family in from out of town, that I haven't seen in a long time (in fact I'm pretty sure they haven't met Micah, Mabry and maybe even Abby?). So my aunt and uncle, cousin, mom, grandparents, Jake, all the kids and I are having lunch today. I miss them and I'm really looking forward to spending some time with them today.

~This next one is going to sound funny, but yesterday I cleaned out the Suburban... like all the trash out, all the clothes and toys out, vacuumed the whole thing and then washed the outside (drive thru wash). And it does a Mommy's soul a lot of good to drive around in a clean vehicle! My brain feels a little less cluttered when my Suburban is clean. :)

~Jake spoke a great message last night at our young adults group. Lots of great points about taking the Lord with us where ever we are, community and believers, and drawing closer to one another as we grow closer to Christ. Good stuff that I want to chew on this weekend. (I'm so thankful for a man of God that speaks truth with boldness.)

~This coming week is spring break for all of my kids (although Micah and Abby's spring break will last the next week as well). And even though this is the week I'm going to dive hard core into packing, I'm really hopeful that the weather will be nice and I can stick them all in the backyard while I work. And it will be nice not to worry about washing uniforms, packing lunch boxes, checking folders, helping with homework, etc, etc, etc at the end of each day. Really nice actually.

~Lastly and most importantly, God is good and gives me strength when I need it.

You know, I've talked before about what I call divine anesthesia. This unexplainable peace that I have when I should be stressed. I have that right now. You know, we have no idea whats going to happen at the end of this month. We aren't 100% sure where we're putting all of our stuff, where we're going to live, if we're going to rent something and if so for how long, nothing is certain at this point. But I was thinking last night on my way home from church... I know the Lord knows the plan. And I know He'll reveal it to me as He see's that I need to know. I'd so much rather be in His hands than my own.

And I have to say that I'm impressed with my husband too because he's a planner. Like... bigtime. But he's surprisingly at peace just walking this out a day at a time. And I love that we are on the same page, just fully putting our trust in the Lord for our family.

So we'll see what the Lord does. But today, I'm excited to spend time with my kids, my husband and my family. I'm excited to breathe in the fresh spring air. I feel positive about getting some projects done this week.

Thank you Lord for your goodness. I know in my knower that I can put my trust in You alone and You will be faithful to us.

midnight cereal

dear diary.

its 1236 am. the small child currently occupying my womb refuses to sleep. she prefers to roll around and kick almost violently. therefore i cannot sleep. so i am blogging from my phone which for some reason wont let me use punctuation or capital letters. which only irritates me further. so i am drowning my sleepless sorrows in a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch alone in my silent kitchen. maybe if she is full she will sleep. the baby not me. my cereal is gone now and so back to bed i go in hopes of... sleep.

Packing daze

I feel like I'm overdue a blog update but I'm not even sure what to say.

Right now my days feel... strange, to say the least. I feel like I should be walking around here sobbing over all of the "lasts" in this house in these days before we move. Because that sounds like me.

If you know me, you know how sentimental I am. You know how special to me are all my kids' height marks on the wall behind the bathroom door, the countless nights with friends in our kitchen playing Settlers of Catan, long summer days in the sprinkler in the backyard... But I really don't feel like crying. Are you shocked? :) I just feel like we've lived an amazing 8 years in this house and now God is peacefully and gracefully closing that chapter. And I'm okay with that.

Sure as I say this, watch me start balling all week! Haha! (And I do hope to have a post of pictures and memories of this house over the years. Maybe even a montage if I have time. :)) The one thing that is a little sad to me is the thought that Mabry (and of course Avery) won't remember this house at all. That makes me want to tear up just a little.

But for the most part, it really just feels right. I feel done here. Now thats gotta be God. :)

Aaaaand so begins the packing. Which is the "strange" part of my days. I did a ton of de-cluttering last year when we thought we would try to sell the house. And then a little more this year when it was time to show the house. So this should be a fairly easy process. But because I don't have a bunch of moves under my belt, I'm not really sure how soon to really get after the packing. (Any comments/tips are welcome!) And I don't like the thought that I might pack up something and then need it. I really do want and need to be as organized as possible. As a mom of so many little ones, organization has become key over the years. More so with each child actually. My motto is always: "be as organized as possible, but if it all falls apart anyway, be okay with that." Which will be a great motto to take into a move I think. :)

The other thing is that I can't pack too many boxes myself (unless I pack them and leave them where they are packed) lest my mom find out I lifted a heavy box and call to reprimand me. :) But in her defense, the Braxton Hicks haven't slowed down at all. In fact they're slowly but steadily picking up over the last few weeks. So I probably should be careful.

So today's goal: write out lists of boxes to pack for each room and then tape the list to the door of that room. That way when my sisters-in-law come help me in a couple days (thank you girls!) I'll feel ready. :) Yes, that satisfies my organizational needs.

As for details about the next Spencer residence:

I hesitate to share too many details just yet but in a nutshell (and I've shared a little of this already): We've fallen in love with an amazing-for-us house. LOVE. But its a short sale. Which can be a long, complicated process. We've put in an offer on that house and still haven't heard anything back (its been a week). There are also a couple of other houses that we... like... and would work... technically. :) And we really debated putting an offer on one of those because of our time crunch (moving out by the end of the month, baby coming in June... ) but really, right now, we have more of a peace about just waiting on this other one and seeing what happens. So thats what we're doing. If you'd like to pray for us, pray that we hear an answer, one way or another, soon.

Ok, the lovely little dinger on the washing machine is reminding me that my blogging time is up. Love you all, and I thank you genuinely for your prayers over our family through this time of transition.

Man's righteousness and crumbs on my butt

How was that for a creative title? :) Just read on, it'll make sense. Or maybe it won't, whatever.

Why I woke up this morning thinking about this, I don't know. If I had some big, unresolved sin in my life.... well, I wouldn't talk about it on my blog, lol but at least waking up with these thoughts would make a little more sense to me! :)

I don't remember what I was dreaming early this morning, but rest assured, I was dreaming. Probably something weird like birthing an alien baby. Or being chased through the forest by gorillas. Strange dreams and pregnancy go hand in hand for me. But I found myself thinking over and over the verse in Isaiah, "all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags" (Is. 64:6). And I literally woke up thinking about that verse, its meaning, what it means for me, etc, etc, etc.

And if you've ever done a study on this verse, you'll know that "filthy rags" actually refers to a womans (ahem, sorry for this) menstrual rags. Its true. I'm a chick and that still makes my stomach turn. But the implication here is intense. That's how disgusting Christ finds our righteousness.

So this gives me a couple of thoughts. Without being too graphic, could this verse be telling us that we need to rely on the blood of Christ for our salvation instead of our own righteousness (aka filthy rags, aka blood?) I'd never looked at it that way before but its something I want to ponder over some more.

AND if thats how He see's our righteousness, how does He see our sin? I mean, is there anything more disgusting than, uh, "filthy rags"? And we think to ask forgiveness for our sin, do we think to ask forgiveness for our righteousness? Because apparently we need to. The later question I'm filing away in my brain under "talk over with Pastor Jake on our next date night". I love my husband's insights. And love that I can have him all to myself to hash over my spiritual questions. :) But the verse and its implications have been (and are) in the back of my head all morning.

I'm writing this as my kids are running circles around me (boy, sure glad I kept them home because they don't feel good... note my sarcasm), bowls of soggy cereal in lukewarm milk are still all over the table, Mabry is crying on the other side of the baby gate because I won't pick her up, my husband, a family friend, and some friendly Hispanic guy are all drilling away in Micah's closet, installing the new hot water heater. And I'm keeping one eye on the front door because the three men-folk don't appreciate me child-locking it every time they come in and out to grab a tool from the truck.

So this isn't exactly the best time to be blogging about my deep spiritual thoughts. But such is the life of a mom in this season. At some point I'd like to sit down with my Bible and really dig into this verse a little more but right now, I'm taking to heart the seeds the Lord plants in my heart at 5:30am and pondering them over crying babies, Finding Nemo and Kroger brand Golden Graham crumbs stuck to my butt.

Lord reveal to me the hidden treasures in Your Word in spite of the... physical treasures ;) running around me today.

A real estate contract and a lesson on prayer

One month from the day we listed our house, we got a contract! Whoo hoo! Thank you Lord!

The other night Jake and I went to hear this guy Tim Keller speak at Christ Presbyterian. He's an author and pastor of a huge church in New York. I've never read any of his books (because lets face it, I don't read books much) but Jake really loves them. So he came in town to speak on one chapter in his new book. A story from Mark. The story of Jairus' daughter and the woman who touched his hem. It was a great message.

He talked about how God's timing isn't always our timing (in fact, it almost never is!) and how sometimes we get upset when God doesn't do things in the order we'd like. For example: the disciples wanting Jesus to rush to the dying daughter instead of chit-chatting with this woman who had already been healed by a mere touch. But Jesus saw the bigger picture. So anyway, one line that Jake and I loved was "pray that God would answer the prayer that you would pray if you had all of the information that God has". Go back and read that again slower. :) Basically, this is the same prayer as "your will be done", but... deeper. :)

So I wanted to make this tiny commitment in my heart to pray that more. Which is difficult! I'd rather pray for the things I want! Because isn't one of the greatest downfalls of humanity that we don't trust God to do whats best for us? That maybe we won't like that plan or maybe it won't be comfortable. Or is that just me....? Anyhow, its a hard prayer to pray. And mean. Especially at a time when you can physically feel a ticking time bomb in your belly and theres no room in your house for it. So from my -now understood as limited- perspective: we've got a baby coming and if we don't move before the baby comes, we'll have to move after. Which means showing a house with 5 kids under the age of 8 (hard enough) and a newborn who wants to nurse every 2-3 hours. From where I sit, what needs to happen is a no-brainer!!! But does God see it that way? Is there some bend in the road I don't see? So instead of praying, "Lord, sell my house quickly and give us another perfect-for-us house to live in, all before June 1st, (because Lord I also need time to nest)".... I'm praying "Lord answer the prayer that I would pray if I had all of the information that You have." And trying not to elbow God and tag on "But Lord, don't you think my plan sure is a good one?" :)

Now, all that said, let me tell you what that all doesn't mean: It doesn't mean this is some new concept and I've never prayed for Gods will to be done. But in effort to move to a deeper place in my relationship with God, I'm just saying it differently. Kind of like if you said "I love you" to your husband every day but one day wanted to switch it up by saying "I adore you". And maybe that would deepen your intimacy and keep things fresh. Its kinda like that. Thats a random example but does it make sense?

I'm also not saying that you can't pray and make requests specific. I think we can and should! Psalm 5:3 says "In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." That sounds specific to me! But right now, having just heard a new message and a fresh word from God, I'm putting a new prayer in my heart.

Also, I know myself. If I pray my heart out for something specific on this grand of scale, and its not answered the way I want it to be and in my timing, I'll be a brat and get mad. I think the Lord gave me this as a way of helping me trust Him and put it into His hands instead of saying, "do this".

Sooooo.... to deepen my faith... and to grow my intimacy with the Lord... I pray. Answer the pray I would pray if I had all of the information that You have. And God sells my house a few days later. And this is the part of this post where I'd love to say "WHEW, glad God was on the same page as me with that one!" :) But I won't. Because we still haven't closed, we still haven't found another house, and I **still** can't see what God see's. (Don't you just hate that? :)) Soo...... I'm thanking Him for the great things He has done and continuing to pray, trust, and walk this tightrope blindfolded. Like a kid learning to trust that Mom and Dad know better. (Hm, that sounds familiar around here.)

And I'd like to ask you to pray for us.... you guessed it. :) Please pray that God would answer the prayer that YOU would pray if you had all of the information that He has. ;)

More little things

Ashley loves to make jewelry.

I think this little hobby started when we bought her friend a jewelry making kit for a birthday party. Ashley loved that kit and wanted one for herself so badly. So for Christmas I made sure to get that exact same one. It has beads, elasticy jewelry string, little clasps (which we don't actually use, I usually tie the string together), a felt board thing with a curved inlay to lay out all of your beads before you string them, and even a pink velvet display "neck" thing like you'd see in a jewelry store. And she loves it. She also got a couple of bead sets from other people for Christmas too, so she's really set.

And now, in our kitchen, she's a got a little cubby of all her jewelry making supplies (so the little ones can't get to it). She could spend hours making bracelets and necklaces for herself, her sisters, and her friends. Nothing fancy, just cute "little girl" beads. Every now and then she'll come across a pearly or diamondy looking bead, and treat it like treasure. ;)

I have the official job of bracelet-tie-er-up-er. Which can be irritating when she stops me constantly to tie up another bracelet or necklace, no matter what I'm in the middle of. And if I don't tie it up, it means, it'll get left "out for me", which really means one of the kids will find it first and, of course, slide all of the beads off and onto/all over the floor. Which means, no matter what I'm doing, I stop and tie up bracelets. But the fun part of being the official bracelet-tie-er-up-er is that I get to see every one of her creations.

And last night she brought me this tiiiiny little one.

Its for Avery. :) Ashley said, "You know how people have 'best friends forever' bracelets? Well, this is like a 'sisters forever' bracelet." {Que the tears.}

She's going to take it to the hospital and put it on her when she's born. {Que more tears.}

So to keep it safe, she found this little box and we're keeping it in here until I have Avery.



What a priceless little treasure that Avery will always have from her oldest sister. Absolutely. Precious.

Spirit vs. Flesh

I should be locked up til the end of June.

I should not be allowed to speak much less have conversations, talk on the phone, give advise, be a friend, date my husband, discipline my kids, update Facebook, text, email, explain... anything... to anyone. In fact, I shouldn't even be blogging right now. (I'm only slightly exaggerating.)

I definitely should not be allowed to watch commercials, read my blogs, hear songs, watch movies, or hear my children's prayers.

I am pretty much a wreck right now. I hope that I've been able to hide this protect you all from my madness. It would be wonderful if somehow I've been able to mask all my craziness and none of you had noticed and are surprised by this post. And if you have noticed, and hadn't told me, bless you for pretending I'm normal accepting me as I am and loving me anyway.

Right now (even at this very moment) my hormones are going completely hay wire. Or so it feels to me. I am on an emotional high one minute, loving life and motivated and great. The next minute I'm balling like a baby over some car commercial. The next minute I'm furious over something my kids did. Furious. And this is what its like to be Amy right now.

I firmly believe that as a woman of God, one of my... responsibilities? duties? no. I don't know what the word is, but as a Christ following woman, actively growing in her faith, I need to be able to rightly divide spirit and flesh. What does that mean? (Especially for women?) It means I need to be able to tell when my tears are spiritual and when my tears are hormonal. (And if I have any men readers out there, let me just tell you- be glad you don't have to deal with this.) Its bad enough... in general. Monthly, ya know? But when I'm pregnant, boy, watch out.

Constantly, I find myself regretting the words that come out of my mouth. Or things I've done. Its like it all jumps out there so much faster than I can catch it. Like my filter just broke. I think I need to go put myself in time out. (And I'm 28, which means I need to sit there for 28 minutes. Yep, that sounds about right.)

Its not an easy thing to divide spirit and flesh. To know if the high I'm on is the Lord, or the 1/2 box of Valentines candy? And I can only assume that its so much harder right now because of the extra hormones, being pregnant.

So should we stifle our emotions? No not necessarily. Sometimes we need a good cry to let it all out. Or 3. Don't back that stuff up or it could explode! Just so long as we know that its only our emotions, not our true heart on the matter. For example-

When Abby was born, I was upset. And confused. And kind of hurt. Things like this happen to "other" people, not to me. (Totally Godly, selfless point of view, right?) ;) But if I'm being honest thats how I felt. Now, my spirit wanted to put my trust in the Lord. And so I did. But sometimes, I needed a good cry. NOT because I wasn't putting my faith in Him in those moments. Not because I wasn't fully relying on Him to get me through that difficult time. But because I'd just been through a (for me) traumatic experience and had a touch of postpartum depression, and needed to just cry on my bed. I even remember praying as I cried "Lord, I don't know why I'm crying, I fully trust in You that You are sovereign and have this all under control. But I can't help but cry." And I know that He spoke back to me that it was ok. To let it out. That He was big enough to handle it. That He created me as an emotional being. And now I really believe that the bigger deal is that WE understand when our crying is just crying for crying's sake. Or when our crying is out of fear. Or untrust. Big difference.

Anyway, that was just using the example of tears, but right now my issues are tears, filters, anger, funk, elation, and bummed-out-ed-ness. Thats a lot of issues. And I'm trying. Not trying to fix them. Because I know it won't be enough for me to do it on my own. But trying to lay it at Jesus' feet. Crucify the flesh. That's Christian-ese for take the junk, bow your head, give it all to Him. Let Him clear the muddied waters. Because it has to be laid on Jesus. Sometimes you've got to keep laying it down. It wants to jump back on your back. But its a daily thing. (Or hourly in some cases, ahem.)

For me clearing the waters looks like- crying over a commercial, okay. Getting furious over dumb stuff someone says and making a federal case over it, creating emotional chick drama, not okay. Time to go back to Jesus. In fact I pretty much need to say a quick prayer before ever opening my mouth. Lord go before me!

Because I either need to separate flesh from spirit, and crucify the flesh... or someone's gonna have to lock me up until the end of June.

PS. Some of this is probably not even said the way I want to say it. But you get the point. :)

Sometimes its the little things...

... that put a smile on your face. Yesterday a friend of mine brought me this little gift.



I've realized that every time I look at it, I can't help but smile :) and my breath catches in my throat just a little, with excitement. And that's just if I see it. If I think about it and what it means-- that I have a daughter coming, another little person, a member of this family-- my eyes well up with tears. Because its hers. Its so much more real. And in the next little while after those glimpses of this sweet cup, the rest of the day's problems seem a lot less important. Avery's coming. :)

(Thank you, friend, for this precious little gift. :))

Introducing Miss Avery Kate

Well... the name at least. :) It'll sure be fun to introduce her *for real* in June though. ;)

Thanks to everyone who gave us lots of ideas and input. It was fun hearing all of the suggestions!

It seemed that every name I would come up with, Jake would say "Mmm, its okay". Or "yeah its alright". But I didn't want it to be okay OR alright! And he came up with a couple of names that I liked but... didn't feel like they fit this baby. Several times I thought to myself- how on earth did we name 5 children (first and middle names) together?! Thats 10 names. And the last couple weeks, we could barely agree on one.

But we did agree on just one, and that was Kate. But the only problem was (and any moms who have named their biological babies, will understand this) I didn't feel like we were supposed to call her Kate.

So I was still holding out hope for a "dropped down from heaven" name.

And I got it. :) Actually I guess it all started with Emily puking in the middle of the night. (Didn't expect that, didya?) I was up almost all night with my sick little girl because I am not only a professional barfer, but Jake will indeed throw up himself if he see's, hears, or smells it. So while he has changed more than his fair share of diapers that were just.... wrong... and deserves major Daddy points for that, I am the one who handles any digestive upheavals in this house.

So, after being up all night with poor Em, I was exhausted. But I got the other kids ready for school the next morning, packed lunches, fed them all breakfast (including Emily who was fine by daybreak), got them all out the door, did some laundry, laid Mabry down for her morning nap, set Emily up on Starfall (which is awesome and you should check it out if you haven't already) with some reading, and *whew* took a nap on the couch.

Thats when it happened. I dreamed we were naming the baby. Go figure- not like I've been obsessed with naming her lately at all. ;) And in the dream, it was so clear. "She's Avery." I woke up, thought about it, and really liked it. Then I did my tester- talking to myself. Go ahead, laugh, but it works. I walked around my kitchen making lunch and talked out loud to no one, "Avery is kicking." "When I was pregnant with Avery..." "These are our children, Ashley, Emily, Micah, Abby, Mabry, and Avery" "You take the big kids and I'll take Avery with me." Yep, thats it.

But what about a middle name? Well, that only took about a fraction of a second to figure out. Avery Kate.

So I immediately contacted Jake.

Me:"What do you think of Avery Kate?"

{Please say you like it, please say you like it}

Jake: "I actually really like it" were his exact words :)

SCORE!

So after very minimal conversation, we both knew that was it.

YAY! She has a name!!! I might have been dancing around my kitchen. (Which I'm sure you don't find weird now knowing that I was minutes earlier talking to myself. I'm okay with that.)

And so she is. My little Avery Kate. The funny thing is, if I'm honest, it isn't my very favorite name that we've thought of. I mean, I think its ADORABLE, but there were others I did like more. But the thing is, when I say it, I know that she's Avery Kate. Its that simple. Theres not even a question in my head. And that makes me really happy. I want our kids to be who God has called them to be, starting with their names.

So... everyones first question: What does it mean?

Weeeeeell.... Avery actually means "Elf counsel" on a lot of baby names sites. :/ Hm. But my baby names book says: "Avery: see Audrey" and Audrey means Noble. So I'm going with that. :) Also, BabyCenter (which I kind of live by when I'm pregnant) says that Avery means Wise. :) Like that too.

And everywhere I look, Kate means Pure. Which I thought was super cool because of this message that I spoke to our youth girls a long time ago about the difference between innocence and purity... its a long story (or message) but, anyway it has a personal cool meaning to me. :)

Baby Avery, you are loved. You are so special. And now that I know your name, I'm having so much fun getting to know who Avery is. Right now, thats a squirmy little baby that was unexpected but is treasured. And kicks mommy constantly. :) I love you baby girl of mine.

Pesky visitor

Dear Contractions,

I think its a little early for you to be visiting me so often. I know you're trying to be sneaky by using the medical term "Braxton Hicks", but I know who you are. If I hadn't already had four babies, I might not know it was you, but I have and I do. And I know that its way to early for you to be visiting me this much. I appreciate that your visits are not consistent and that you likely are NOT "changing anything" when you come, but they are way more frequent than is appropriate right now. When I get to 37 weeks, by all means, come back. I will gladly embrace you. Until then, please leave me alone. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Amy

20 weeks

So that my mom and mother-in-law don't freak out ;) and because this blog is kind of a journal for me to look back at, I'd like to reiterate that my "Braxton Hicks" aren't regular. As in, not every 10 minutes or anything like that. But I have been having at least 2 or 3 a day for the last several days. Which is way early for 20 weeks. I've spoken with my doctor about it and she basically just said as long as they aren't consistent that "you know what to do". :) Meaning, take it a little more easy, drink more water, etc etc. She's right, I do know what to do. And for now, it is okay, but if it continues or becomes more frequent... yeah, not cool. :/