Our Next Big Adventure

This blog is about the many hats I wear. I'm a pastors wife, mom of a large family, adoptive parent and I'm raising two children with special needs. It's purpose is to share about these different aspects of my life and how they work together. All the while keeping friends and family updated and a mothers heart reflective with the story telling... 

Well... we're entering our next big adventure and I've got a new story to tell. 
Another side of Amy, if you will. 
Church planters wife.

This is story much larger than me, but it's from my perspective. So let me go back a little ways.

Jake has been in ministry for almost as long as we've been together. What started as a passion to be discipled and to know God more, turned into a mentorship with our pastor and volunteering with the Jr High kids. Just before we got married, that grew into part time youth ministry (and part time still working at the steel plant). As our little family grew, that became full time youth ministry and ordination. And Youth Pastor over Jr High eventually turned into Jr and Sr High Youth Pastor and ministry head over the Youth Department. Then pouring into and discipling friends and youth volunteers turned into passing all of it to new Jr and Sr High youth leaders and taking on a new roll of Associate Pastor. (Just before our own oldest daughter started Jr High. Talk about full circle.)

When that kind of personal growth happens simultaneously with a church that grew from 200 people in a school gym to thousands of people on a 150 acre campus, you learn a lot along the way.

And at some point along that journey, The Lord started stirring. Jake began preaching for our senior pastor when he had to be gone. The congregation got to hear what I'd been listening to in youth group for years. A man who has a gentle but fierce heart for The Lord and people. And God started stirring a passion and vision in Jake. I didn't know what it would look like or when it would happen but I knew God was stirring Jakes heart for a specific purpose.

My husband has a gift to teach God's Word. And believes in his core that Jesus called his followers to make more followers. And I'm not just talking about having children-- although we clearly believe in that too. ;) Jake has a passion and gift for discipleship. His heartbeat is to love people well, to make disciples and to teach them to make disciples. All through the vehicle of community and doing real life together.

The last two years have been a wild roller coaster of hearing and not hearing from God, knowing He's calling us out but not sure of what or where specifically, and then a flood of open doors, connections and confirmations. To tell all the details of the last two years and how the Lord called us would be to write a memoir. And some of it is deeply personal. But the Lord is so good. Though we couldn't always see it, He's been busy working, redeeming, pruning, growing and preparing.

But the outcome of our journey is really the beginning of a new one.

God has called us to plant a church in Knoxville.

Whew, it's still surreal to say!!

And He's not just calling us. The friends He's called to go with us... are so much more than friends. They're our people, our community. They're who we do life with. And our passion is the same. To love God and love others, to obey whatever The Lord calls us to do and to go where He tells us to go. And we truly can't wait to see who joins us along the way.

People usually have the same questions, so I'm going to try to address each of them here.

"Why Knoxville?" Well because the Lord said so. :) Jake loves ministering to college kids. And the Lord gave us a vision to plant a church that eventually plants more churches. A college town is a great place to do that, so that's what first brought Knoxville onto the radar. And there have been lots of connections and relationships there. The Lord randomly bringing people across our path... the stories are incredible. Stuff only God can do. And remember that Jake was in youth ministry for years and some of the kids he had went on to UT. The more we prayed and investigated, the more it became evident that the Lord was speaking loud and clear. It's time to take Grace Chapel to Knoxville.

The next big question is, "when?" And that depends on how quickly The Lord moves this process along. Jake has already begun making trips out there to get the ball rolling: following up on connections the Lord has already made, building relationships, and eventually getting some small groups started. (I could cry right now at the goodness of the Lord bringing new people across our path and opening doors.) It was announced to our church this morning and our house goes on the market Wednesday. But each and every step we're committed to seek The Lord and ask Him what's next. This is His thing not ours.

For me personally, people always ask, "how are the kids?" Our 4 youngest don't seem to be affected by it much at all. Their closest friends are in the families that are going with us (again, we do life together) so that helps a lot. And they think a new house sounds like an adventure. Micah and Abby will of course take some adjusting to a new school, but I'm confident that God with supply all their needs according to His riches and glory. :)

Emily is a very go-with-the-flow kiddo and she's taking it all in, focusing on the good. Her best friend moved away several years ago and they still keep in contact so I don't think she has much anxiety about moving away from her friends. Again, one of her closest friends now is going with us as well.

Ashley has been so mature processing it all. It'll be hardest on her, being 12, but she's always known that we go where God calls us and we take nothing for granted. Many of her questions, I have to answer with, "we'll have to trust God for that." And because she's been around the longest, so to speak, she's seen God provide for our family over and over again through the years. I think this will be an opportunity for her faith to be stretched as well.

The current plan is that we will homeschool Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate. Unless The Lord shows us otherwise. And I'm walking forward with open hands in that.

We're looking at west Knoxville. You see, Jake. loves. water. If he could chose anywhere to live, it would be on the water. And God is so good... As he was praying about rather or not the Lord was calling us to Knoxville, he realized that the Tennessee River and Fort Loudon Lake run right through the area where He's opening doors. And for me, still being in the Tennessee hills makes me feel right at home. (So note: don't be afraid to ask God for things. Sometimes He calls you to make big sacrifices while simultaneously filling the desires of your heart.) 

Its a bittersweet transition for me. I've lived in Spring Hill for 18 years (with the exception of our first married year in Franklin). I went to youth group in Thompsons Station, prom at Page and Spring Hill High, and graduated here with my homeschool class. I met my husband here, this is where we dated, where he proposed and we got married in Cool Springs. I birthed all 5 of my babies in Williamson Medical and this is where we brought Micah home. Both of our only 2 homes are in Spring Hill. This is home.

Except this isn't our home. Knoxville won't be our home either. Our home is in heaven. This life isn't about setting up camp, its about living for something greater than ourselves. Its about living for Jesus. And He called us to make disciples. He said that people would know His disciples by their love for one another. Home is where we are loving people, reaching the lost and making disciples.

My dream home is up on hill, with a perfect view of the mountains, a lake in the valley, a big front porch, all hardwood floors, clawfoot tub in my bathroom and a screened in porch in the back. ;) I have no doubt that's what the Lord is working on for me in heaven. And if I get a little taste of that on earth, awesome. But until He comes, there's work to be done. People need the hands and feet of Jesus to walk with them through their mess. I need people to walk with me through my mess! My kids need to be discipled themselves and my husband needs me to be supportive of his/our ministry. 

This next life adventure isn't going to be easy. Its probably going to be really really hard. I'm not always going to be up for the challenge. Some days I'm going to loose it and cry in my room for a while. I know this because we've been on adventures before. Not church planting specifically, but... we've seen our share of challenge. But God is faithful to His Word and when He calls (or allows) us to walk through something, He sustains us through it.

In Gods economy, the hard road is so much better than the easy one. It produces fruit in and around us and it Glorifies Him. What more could you ask for?

There's so much more I could say, but that covers most the update from the perspective of our family life. I will update my blog more, now that this is official and I have the freedom to do so. And you can follow the church updates at www.gracechapelknoxville.net 

For now, some prayer points for our family specifically:

~For a smooth transition for the kids

~That the Lord would be in every detail of selling our house

~That we would find just the right house in just the right area of Knoxville

~Stamina for Jake as he travels back and forth until we're there

~Wisdom as we look at schools for Micah and Abby

Thank you, precious friends and family who have loved us so well, for your prayers as begin this journey. To Jesus be the Glory.

Rainy Day

It's fall break. And it's raining. All. Weekend. 

Jake is out of town and today my friend (who's husband is also out of town) brought the kids over and we spent the afternoon trying to occupy the kids with crafts. 

Which only worked for so long before they were all in the backyard playing in the drizzling rain.

9 kids, 2 moms, no dads. Unconsciously holding a rotation of children in our laps while sorting out the mysteries of parenting and marriage. 

You know you're talking with another mom when you can wipe faces, help someone off the potty, clean the kitchen, use a serious of snapping and hand motions to slow down and/or silence a loud/running mob, and never miss a beat in conversation. It's a maternal super power.

Today really felt like fall and I was reminded that Thanksgiving is soon. And in my heart I gave thanks. For big things and little ones.

Friendship. Family. Rainy days. Take-out pizza. Profound truths uncovered and sifted through together. Stampedes of rain boots. The sound of laughter and tag. Injuries, tears and prayers for boo-boos. Toilet paper tube owls. Shreds of construction paper that will be found around the house for days. 

Isn't it amazing how, through the lense of gratitude, a day that was supposed to be "wasting time" ends up feeling more like a precious gift. And I'm grateful for that too.

Not Just Being Busy: My Homekeeping Notebook

I'm always incredibly and genuinely shocked when my kids start school, go up a grade, have a birthday or say something increasingly intelligent for their maturity level. As if I thought they would be babies forever. "She's in 2nd grade!" "He looks so big!" "Did she just say that?" *gasp!* Like I didn't see it coming since the day they were born. But I am. I'm shocked. 5 kids in school this year. Whew.

I mean, are they cute or what?

And yes, Kate is home with me. I actually signed her up for Mothers Day Out but it was full and I was secretly happy.

*sigh* Summer is ending, school has started, and the busyness just changes to a different rhythm. And while I'm not usually as passionate about it as Jen Hatmaker, I'm welcoming this yearly change of season.

I've said this before, but my friends and I refer to back-to-school time as New Years. It really is. More than the actual New Years, its a fresh start. New school year, new teachers, new classmates (sometimes), new desk, new clothes... And for moms, a fresh start at our routine. New resolutions. 

And seriously. After all those weeks of summer, I feel like bionic woman with all but 1 kid in school.

So, it's a goal every year but I'm perfecting it: I want to make the most of my time and be ahead of the game. The Lord has blessed us with a huge house and a half a dozen beautiful and energetic tornado children. ;) Which means I've got a big job.

I'm going to keep this place clean and organized, finish projects, stay on top of the laundry and uniforms, pre-make meals for busy evenings, shop for deals on groceries, be on time every where I go and be the very best home-keeper that I can be. Because that's what I'm called to do.

People at church are always asking me, "How do you do it?" And they're probably just referring to how I got these 6 squirmy children into the building alone without a stroller. But IF they were referring to how I juggle the Spencer Clan, this is it.

This is my homekeeping notebook. It's my brain. And Kate's finger pushing it. Which wasn't really meant to be symbolic, but it sort of is actually.

I've had one of these for years, but I'm always tweaking it. My last one stunk so I'm very excited about this new one. I also tried to do a version of this on my iPad with Evernote. It was a fail.

If you are a mom with more than 2 kids, your house is clean, your husband is fed, your kids folders are signed, you get them to school on time and you juggle the madness in your head, I applaud you. I was not, however, born with a brain that has that much bandwidth.

Oh and this year, we have this.

Schedule and checklists posted on the fridge. I've tried this before too, but again, I'm perfecting it.

But listen. Just because the fonts all match and the washi tape is cute, doesn't make this whole binder/schedule system work. All the Pinterest boards and excel files on the planet don't make all this come together. A mom does.

It takes work. A lot of it actually. I don't care if you have 10 kids in 4 different schools, you homeschool, or have no school age kids but a baby and a toddler or 3: Being a wife, mom, and home keeper is hard work. If I'm not sweating at some point in my day, something's probably falling apart somewhere. It's just the truth. Moms. Are. Busy.

But. Why do I need a homekeeping notebook, charts and schedules? Why not just wing it? I'll tell you.

To stay on top of my game

To be a good steward of my time and energy (of which there is little)

To better serve my husband

To better serve my children

Because I think homekeeping is a lost art

Because God's word says that a wise woman builds her house (Prov. 14:1)

Because I want the heart of my husband to safely trust me (Prov. 31:11)

Because the more efficiently and effectively I take care of my family and home, the more ministry I'm able to be involved in (Because I also believe I'm called to my family first)

Because the years pass quickly

Because all of our busy rushing ends in nothing (Ps. 39:6)

And because I want to live on purpose and be a woman of excellence, not settle for just being busy.

Do you have a homekeeping notebook? How do you find it helps you?

**update: for those who were curious what's IN the notebook, see this post: What's in it!**

[Always] New Territory

People ask me, "How do you make time to blog?" Well I don't. If I'm blogging, something else is usually not getting done. Like right now: sleeping. Or cleaning up the daily debris from the Spencer family tornado. But sometimes, I just need to write things out. And when I go back later to read them, I'm always glad I did. And if an occasional reader gets something out of it too, it's a bonus.

We had a long, full day. But I had a cup of coffee too late in the evening and I'm not tired. Everyone else is asleep. It's just me and the sound of spinning hamster wheels down the hall, buffered by the hum of the A/C.

The matter on my heart: parenting. Is parenting ever not on a moms heart? Always some new territory to cover.

For years now, it's been the world of toddler and preschoolerhood (is that a word?) and of course the varying array of developmental milestones in kids with DS (which is tricky but moves slowly enough to stay ahead of it, for the most part). But with my oldest girls, it's "mission: preadolescence". And all that it entails. It feels like I'm walking a balance beam. Trying to travel cautiously and carefully but also feeling thrusted forward like someone is pulling a rope around my waist. It's all coming so fast. Sweet girls that have always been my babies... are getting big. Like, "Hi Mrs Spencer is Ashley there I don't have my spelling list" big. And they're getting bigger every day. They've got personalities and friends and passions and wills and fears and questions. I'm dealing with emotional children and I'm an emotional person. 

Am I prepared for this journey? I should probably be reading books on talking with your kids about... stuff. Or taking a class or something. None of this was covered in Babywise. ;) But thank The Lord that I've got friends to walk this out with. I literally have no idea what I'd do without my circle of Mommas. They make me feel normal. We can compare notes and share stories. Or give tips on where to find beginner bras or decide which shorts are too short. And we can ban cell phones for our 4th graders together in solidarity. (Thank You Lord.) And I've got an amazing husband who's years in youth ministry come in crazy handy.

As much as I want to do the very best that I can to help my kids navigate this time; when it all comes down to it, my only goal is to point them to Jesus. Because I know that if they have Him, the rest will fall into place.

How to do that- how to point them to Jesus- isn't as easy as I thought it would be. 

I'm not a great example. I can only pray that they see Christ's mercy and forgiveness transforming me daily because I'm sure not the best example of daily Godliness. I blew it today. I'm gonna blow it somehow tomorrow and next week. And I know that if I'm not transparent enough-- if they don't see the process of me acknowledging my imperfections and how He forgives me and draws me back to Him... My faith will look phony. And they won't want anything to do with it. Or maybe even with me.

One side of the balance beam is friend, the other is mother. I have to find my footing somewhere in the middle. Knowing the relationship we are building on now is the one we will carry into the teen years. My own mom danced across that beam beautifully. She was my very best friend whom I'd tell everything. But I wouldn't dare break her rules because I knew there were consequences.

Friend. And. Mother. Confidant. Mentor. Disciplinarian. ....hmm. Lord You're going to have to carry me across this beam. Because the truth is, You are the very best of all of that. 

I don't have some beautiful literary bow to tie up this post. No sweet story or even scripture. Just a prayer. Lord carry me. Cover me. Cover my kids. Cover the parents out there that are navigating new territories. Mold each of us, parent and child alike, into Your image as we give ourselves to You. Do it all in the name of Your Son, we pray. Amen.

The Remedy

I'm a fourth generation homekeeper. It might even go back further than that, but I can at least testify that my mom, grandmother and great grandmother were all wives, moms, and homekeepers. I'm a little old fashioned at heart and I love that there's a new generation of women trying to go back to the way their grandmothers did things. I mean, in my family we pass down things like our recipe for Frito Casserole (except its not the same thing if you don't say it with a southern accent) or how to fry okra. But that's not what I'm talking about. Lots of women are going back to gardening, couponing, using natural remedies, and cleaning with what's in the pantry. In fact, in a world of Pinterest and Crunchy Betty, "going granola" is pretty trendy.

But rather it be old-fashioned, crunchy, granola, hippie or none of the above: as a wife, mom and homekeeper, I'm always trying to keep my family healthy. With as few chemicals and drugs as possible. And on a budget. With the occasional Frito Casserole or run through taco bell. (gasp!) Hey. Don't judge.

Ya know... in this day and age, it's not easy. 

You either do no research at all and live in ignorant bliss (which I don't feel is super wise) or every time you turn around, you find out something you're buying or consuming is killing you. Or causing eczema in small children. Where's the balance? There's almost too much information out there, and not all of it accurate. 

We just don't live in the same world our grandparents did. We live in a world where autism, cancer, childhood obesity, ADD and even allergies are all on the rise. Just to name a few things. All of my grocery stores carry foods that aren't actually food at all and even the produce is laced with toxins. And while things are labeled "natural" I still have to do my homework because even "natural" products could be harmful to my family. And you can have the internet equivalent of a public stoning just for mentioning rather or not you've chosen to vaccinate your children. No comment.

And while I want to do the very best I can by my family, I try not to obsess over it. I'm not going to let fear control me. We buy some organic food, try not to buy too many processed foods, and cook from scratch as much as I can. I make my own laundry detergent and cleaners (because its cheaper and healthier). And recently, I'm trying to replace our medicine cabinet with essential oils. I make my own lotion, but I'm sure if you look in my bathroom cabinets you'll find something with a paraben in it. (gasp again!) But you know what?  I do what I can to walk in wisdom while ultimately putting my trust in the Lord.

I haven't been using essential oils forever, really just in the last few months. But so far, I really love what I've been using. We've used them for eczema, fevers, sore throats, snotty noses, strep, diaper rash, headaches and PMS. And I'm doing some research on how they can help Micah and Abby focus when they're at church and school. Jake still prefers his excedrine migraine and cold medicine. And if something serious crops up, I'm not against picking up some antibiotics as needed. But for the most part, we're trying to take care of business-- medical business-- naturally. With essential oils, balanced with other things like organic apple cider vinegar and raw organic coconut oil.

But.

Not surprising of our culture, I'm noticing a tipping scale. People getting a little obsessive. Looking to oils or even just natural remedies for ev.er.y.thing. Its like a game. "What oil can I use for...?" And dare I even say it, using essential oils for spiritual purposes. I'm not talking about everyone that's using them. But its out there. And I feel that if I'm going to encourage others to use essential oils as a part of their medicine cabinet (because I love them!) I feel a responsibility to clarify what I'm encouraging the use for. Does that make sense?

Now, let me be clear. When I say spiritual... I don't mean psychological. I realize there are real chemical/hormonal/emotional/psychological reasons to use medical intervention via essential oils, pharmaceuticals, or whatever you choose. Depression, addiction, sensory processing disorder... these (and more) are very real diagnoses that are miserable to go through. And there are medicines and certainly oils that help with them, if not cure it altogether.

(Now, what I'm about to say does not apply to someone who is not a born-again believer. If you've not found Jesus, the following paragraphs do not apply to you. But I would encourage you to start a relationship with Jesus Christ because you'll find more fulfillment in Him than anyone/anything else you've ever tried or ever could try. I promise.)

But for the born-again, Bible believing, Spirit-filled, follower of Christ. There is not anything on this planet that should replace us going to our God and creator for our ultimate spiritual fulfillment and healing. He alone should be our all in all.

Can we use the resources He's given us to treat the illnesses of this world? Yes. Absolutely.

Should we use the brain in our heads that He's given us to make wise choices? Of course.

But what do we turn to first?

Are we using these things to give ourselves a sense of power and control over our circumstances? 

And to take it a step further, should we be using oils for spiritual enlightenment (whatever you think that might mean) or to achieve a deeper inner peace and self worth? 

Shaky ground my friends. Shaky ground. 

There is nothing that should replace the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm not big on religion. I'm big on relationship. With the true and living God. The maker of heaven and earth. Who see's my heart and knows my thoughts. Who loved me enough to send His one and only Son do pay for my sins. By Who's stripes I'm healed.

I'm not going to get super legalistic and outline what I feel is acceptable and unacceptable concerning... any of this. But can I ask you this? Please don't just read blogs, or trust in something someone on a FB group said or recommended, or listen to someone... who's selling something. Check God's Word. Find out what trusted and Godly friends and leaders think about it. And most importantly, pray about it. Check your own heart and ask the Lord to show you anything in your life that you're putting more trust in than Him. And if it causes you to sin-- and putting anything before Him is sin-- remove it. (Mark 9:43)

Today I was talking through some of this with a close friend. A fellow mom that strives to hear the Spirit of the Lord over the noise of our toddlers. She had a great point and said it so beautifully (as she usually does) with these words. "We want an answer that we ourselves can administer, removing the need for Christ. But we veil it in nobility of doing the natural best thing for our family. He is the cure. The remedy. First. Always." She texted those words to me and I stared at them for a long time. She absolutely hit the nail on the head.*

And listen people, I'm preaching to myself over here. If I'm so consumed with essential oils, "natural remedies", healthy living, organic food, being gluten free, being sugar free, clean eating or any other way of eating... or anything else for that matter... Facebook, emails, getting to the gym, my friends, what my friends think, my job, my parenting philosophy, my blog, my hobby, my home, even my kids... I don't care how good and right it is. If we're putting it before the Lord, its time for a change. Time to repent and rearrange the priorities. 

I hope I'm able to communicate through these written words, with no tone or voice inflection being heard, the love with which I say these things. God is a God of love, mercy and grace. But He is also a jealous God with a fierce love that is serious about things that come before Him in our lives. I can't tell you what that means for you specifically. But I can tell you that we are not without measures for checking.

These are perilous times in which we live. (2 Tim. 3:1) Let's seek to do the the very best by our families, watching over the ways of our household. (Prov. 31:27) Let's run the race, not looking to the right or left. (Hebrews 12:1) Let's be of sober mind, testing everything. (I Peter 5:8, I Thes. 5:21) And hey. Lets do it together.

And should the Lord tarry, I'd love to raise up a new generation of sober minded, vigilant, God fearing wives, mothers and homekeepers who know: Christ is the Remedy.

*You can read more of my friend Sarah's beautiful words over on her blog, My Awefull Life

Standing Strong

In efforts to catch up my blog so that our family memories are {sort of} in one place, I'm going to recap some of 2013. But I'm afraid the first post is one of the most painful to write.

January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd... 

I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.

What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say,  Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.

Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer. 

Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He  is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.

But for us...

In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus.... 

And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."

Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor. 

Diagnosis: mono. 
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?

"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor. 
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back." 
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away." 
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*

I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.

~~~

This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.

The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"

Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,

"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"

and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words. 

The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...

But through the lessons this week,  it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.

When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.

So that I can stand strong.

Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)

Habi-coles

"Mommy, I habi-cole?"

Excuse me?

I look up from my new post in the living room. Still trying to get rest, I've been camped out reading blogs, doing the one-eye-open-mommy-nap and watching reruns of Duck Dynasty. That is, in between the occasional attempt at potty training diaper change, meal, or playing referee in games of "who had it first" or  "we don't bite".

Jake is still on the youth retreat. Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate are all out with friends who are fellow Nazis in Operation Help Amy. So its just me, Micah and Abbs. And apparently... Barbie.

So *ahem* Barbie and I are minding our own business when my two little bundled up Eskimos come in from playing in the back yard. Rosy cheeked and out of breath from climbing up the deck stairs, they come up and lean against the side table next to my armchair and stare at me. I can tell they both want something. 

"Yeeees?" I ask.

Abby, being the unofficial spokes person says, "Mommy, I habi-cole?"

"What?"

"I HABI-cole." Then she gives me the forehead-tilted-forward, mom-you-know-what-I-mean-just-think-about-it face. "Habi-cole."

Deeply confused, I look to my non-verbal child as if he's going to offer some help.

And in perfect comedic timing, Micah looks from Abby to me, raises one eye brow, lifts his index finger and licks it.

Immediately I know.

"OH! Popsicle!!"

Both raising their hands touchdown-style, shout in unison, "Yay!"

Hahahahahaha.... oohh those two kill me. I didn't get a chance to snap a pic right then, but called them in for a picture a bit later. What a couple of goobers.

Unfortunately they had to settle for a baggy of pretzels because I've been out of... Habi-coles... since, ya know... August. But the whole scene was just too cute. Moments to remember...

Still

Well, I might as well blog about it. Since I have the time.

I mentioned it a bit in my last post. But here it is again.

I've got mono. :(

It all started before Christmas. I was feeling pretty miserable. But honestly, I was so on guard for flu symptoms, that I didn't stop to think what else could be wrong. I had no congestion. No runny nose. Not really a sore throat. But my neck hurt. Like... swollen kinda hurt. And my lower back hurt just a little. And I was getting migraines. 30 years and I've never had a migraine. Until now. But my biggest complaint- fatigue. I was so tired. All the time. But hey, I've got six kids. And it was Christmastime. Who wouldn't be tired?

But still, there was something there.

I told myself to deal with it and I moved on.

Until finally I got to the point that I knew something must be really wrong with me. And actually, the only reason I finally saw a doctor was because if something was wrong, I just wanted to know so I could start on an antibiotic or something and be done with it. Because like Sweet Brown says, "Ain't no body got time for that!" ;)

The doctor did a flu test and a strep test. Both were negative. But after barely touching the back of my neck, my doctor have a "Oooohhh, now I know what's wrong" followed by a "You're not gonna like this". Which, ya know, is always what you want to hear from your doctor.

She said the glands in my neck were sticking out. And that she thought it was mono, though it's rare for someone my age to catch it. I told her I'd had it several times in high school. She said that made sense. And to make a long story short, it's kind of been latent in my body and could really only be brought about by extreme stress or not taking care of myself.   .....Who me???? ;)

So they drew blood to confirm that it was mono and sent me home with a steroid.

~~~

After being on the steroid for those 7 days or whatever it was, I felt great. Totally fine. And when they called with the results of the blood test, she said it was already 4 weeks in. So I thought, great! I'm practically done with it!

Wroooooong.

A few days after my last steroid pill, my back started hurting again. And though low, I've had a fever the last couple of nights.

I still have mono.

And once again the thing that bothers me more than anything else- is the exhaustion. I can't function. And in this house, the mom has to function.

And if all that wasn't fun enough, Jake has a Sr. High winter retreat for 4 days. Which means....

Watch the amazing "SOLO MOMMY! As she swirls through the house cleaning and cooking while juggling six children IN THE AIR!! And for her next act she's going to swallow fire!"

But ya know, I can't do it. I physically cannot. And even if I physically could, I have to rest or this thing is never gonna be over.

So for once in my life, I swallowed my pride. And asked for help. (via facebook) Are you proud of me??!! You should be!! Its not easy for me! Why should people come do something for me when they are busy with their own lives? But my husband gently reminded me that I'm loved and that people want to help if they can. And he was right. Boy was he right.

I've got dinner coming every night this weekend. The 2nd grade class moms have lined up meals for the rest of the week. Yesterday a friend bought me groceries. Mallory is taking the baby girls for a couple of days, Ashley and Emily have been farmed out to friends (and teachers, actually) to play and sleepover. My neighbors even took Mabry to dinner last night and are going to do some laundry for me. And I've had lots more offers for help as well. I'm so blessed, I want to cry. God's people are awesome.

And now...

I can be still.

So until this thing passes (and I'm praying that day is coming soon), I'm going to accept the help with gladness. I'm going to rest the way I need to. I'm going to let the dust bunnies collect under the kitchen table and snuggle with my babies. Maybe the Lord will reveal a thing or two to this stubborn conquer-all mommy. Like how to be still.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Father God, teach me to be still and know that You alone are the great I am. Be exalted in this home... be exalted in my heart.

Fresh fire to advocate

When I think back...

back to when I used to cuddle my newborn baby girl with the tiny ears...

and kiss that little nose with a flattened bridge....

and rub my finger across the single line in her palm...

everything in me wanted to fight for her. I pictured my self doing stuff like... well, what I'm about to share with you.

And now, somehow I get wrapped up in life. I repost pictures from IDSC on FB. I "advocate" in my little ways. But not like this story I'm about to share with you.

For a little background, I still keep up with some of the families whom I adopted "with". A handful of moms who ransomed children with DS out of Eastern European orphanages around the same time. I've said it before on my blog, but these women were an incredible encouragement to me at the time. And now its so fun to see how all of our kids are growing. Paula is one of those moms.

The following was taken, with permission, from her FB status. This is so encouraging to me. This is the kind of mom I want to be for my kids.

Follow-up report.... Grace and I presented to almost 800 middle school students today about Down syndrome, ending the use of the "R" word, and how we are more alike than different. After sharing our story, the whole student body spontaneously gave us a standing ovation. But even better--two students came up to Grace afterwards and asked her to sit with them at their lunch table--a dream come true for me.... I wept like a baby when I got in my car afterwards..... Thanks again, to those of you who helped by suggesting ideas and encouragement! Blessings, Paula

Wow. Thank you, Paula for being a voice. For your kids and mine. Your boldness gives me courage and fresh fire.

Finishing out 2012

Well, hello there little blog. I promise I haven't forgotten you.

The month of time since my last post has been... one to remember.

We had a truly wonderful Christmas. Celebrating with Jakes family first, we had "Christmas" mid-December before they had to go back to the Dominican Republic. What a precious time. My mom and dad -in law- are so loved and missed. It truly did good to my heart to spend that time with them.

Santa's 8 reindeer! Otherwise known as the Spencer and Westbeld kids. ;)

Then came a rush of winter sickness. The four youngest all got strep throat. Then Jake had strep and the flu. And I had been feeling down... like, really down... but didn't find out until last week that it was Mono. :( Yuck. And anyway, all the kids except for Ashley came down with some sort of flu-like bug. A few days of a pretty low fever, feeling miserable, sort of a cough... but I don't think it was the actual flu.

Antibiotics anyone?

As always, we spent Christmas morning just our family. Among the hit toys this year: Ashley got a Furby, Emily a Barbie house, Micah a blow up ball pit, Abby a baby with a potty (in hopes she'll pick up the hint!), Mabry and Kate some accessories for their baby dolls.

And around lunch all the extended family (my side this time) came over. My mom got married this year, so this was our first Christmas with some new extended family. Plus my brother was in town. And because David (my mom's husband) has a wheelchair accessible van, my grandparents were able to come over, Papaw's wheelchair and all. The whole bunch of us under one roof. We all agree'd that it was one of the best Christmas' for our family. Such a sweet time we had together.

4 Generations :)

Jake passing out gifts

Nana (my mom) and Emily

Papaw and me

My brother Colby, my mom and me

My Christmas cards didn't go out until 4 days after Christmas. And because I wrote the addresses on all of them with wrong "orientation" (sideways), several came back. So if you usually get a Christmas card from me but didn't this year, sorry about that.

For New Years, our "Cheers Group" group came over. (Thats what our church calls small groups. Ya know, "where everybody knows your name") :) We made some yummy food, played some games, and laughed til our sides hurt. And at midnight, we tooted our noise makers on the front porch like a bunch of teenagers (and could be heard by every neighbor for a couple of blocks, I'm sure), but it was more fun than I've had in a long time! We sure love our group of friends and are so thankful for them. Its so cool to see the body of Christ being the body of Christ to one another and loving each other well.

Our whole bunch a' crazies. :)

Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers!

Got to kiss this guy at midnight. :)

(I also posted a little clip from our crazy night on my YouTube channel. You can check it out by clicking on my YouTube link to the right.)

So after all the beauty and wonder of Christmas... 

and all the joy and laughter of New Years...

came something I was not prepared for. Something I need to work up the strength to write about. 

On January 2nd, my sweet, amazing, beloved Papaw went to be with Jesus. I'll share the story of that soon. And will hopefully find even more healing in telling it. For now I can say that God is good and we are all doing ok. We don't mourn like those who have no hope. (I Thes. 4:13)

But I miss my Papaw.

And that's a story for ... soon. But not now.

~~~


To all who read my humble little un-kept, infrequently updated blog- I pray that you and yours had a blessed 2012, a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. From our family to yours....

I just wanna... Part 2

Its time, once again, for "I just wanna..."

As a mom and wife, there are many things I catch myself saying. Things I "wanna". Please don't mistake this as a lack of gratitude. Because I'm grateful. Really. But sometimes... I just wanna... well, it'll make sense when you read them. For Part 1, click here.

So in no particular order, I just wanna...

... pee alone.

... have a cup of coffee without anyone dropping something into it.

... wear heels. Err... have somewhere to go wearing heels.

... wear a shirt that's not smeared with one of my children's... DNA.

... take a shower.

... understand everything Abby's saying.

... know what Micah's thinking.

... clean my whole house in one day... and it stay that way.

... decorate my house like my pinterest boards.

... be a fun mom, who does the unexpected.

... be a good daughter, who calls often.

... be an involved friend, who's always there.

... be a hot wife, who.... ahem. Anyway.

... go somewhere without a stroller.

... be able to hear the radio in the Suburban.

... be done with PMS forever.

... answer my phone without screaming in the background.

... put children to bed and them stay there.

... have a hidden camera on my table at dinnertime. Even if just for the audio.

... bless my husband the way he blesses me.

... buy everything the kids want for Christmas.

... be super mom.




Is that so much to ask? :)

Tis the season?

I think all moms should get a vacation after Christmas. And I'm not talking about the kind where all your kids are home from school for two weeks.

I've talked to so many moms in the last 48 hours that are exhausted from this season. Its only the 13th. And I can totally relate. I told one of them last night that everyone should be very impressed if I haven't pulled out all of my hair by the end of December. 

I'm conducting an unintentional experiment with my phone- seeing how many reminders I can pack in without it exploding.

Ballet/Hip hop classes

Bible studies

Christmas shopping

Wrapping presents

Christmas productions (2 for one school, 1 for another, and 3 for church. Thankfully my kids aren't in the church ones, but I'm guessing Jake will have to work and I'd like to go to one of them.)

Christmas cards and all that that entails (taking pictures, ordering the cards, addressing and mailing)

$10 for 2nd grade service project by Friday

Canned goods for 2nd grade service project on Monday

Graham crackers for Kindergarten gingerbread house party by Monday

Fruit salad for 3rd grade party on Wednesday

Apple juice for 2nd grade party on Wednesday

Wrapped book for 1st grade party next Friday

Fruit tray for 1st grade party next Friday

Taking meals to friends who just had babies (because I can't imagine doing all this with a newborn)

And all this while still trying to keep up with day to day life with a half dozen kids.

4 of whom just got over strep.

Are we having fun yet?

~~~

So if you are one of those moms running around like a chicken with its head cut off... you are not alone. Go cry in your closet to the Lord for 10 minutes if you need to and dive back into the world of Christmas tree cupcakes, Tamiflu and snotty noses, wrapping teacher gifts, uploading videos of your kid singing Silent Night in the Christmas play to Facebook. Be patient as you wait in the long lines at Target with a crying baby as everyone glares at you. Try to act calm when your 3 year old pulls an ornament off the tree for the 589th time. Take a deep breath and remember the reason for the season.

The Prince of Peace.

Aaaahh, yeah remember Him? Lets let Him reign in our hearts and calm the crazy storms of the American Christmas season. Its not about all the rest of it anyway. Its about Him.

And come January, call me. We can have a girls night out. I'm sure we'll both need it.

November/Thanksgiving

So long November, I so enjoyed you this year!

After nearly a full month of counting my blessings, we enjoyed a wonderful thanksgiving meal with family and friends. Even though I stayed up late the night before to iron tablecloths... and got up early to mop the whole downstairs before any children woke up... and "facilitated" Ashley and Emily in the kitchen cooking up a sweet potato casserole and a corn casserole... I really enjoyed it. Really and truly. And in spite of 9 adults and my 6 kids running around after dinner... and the countless spills, tiny scoops out of the tops of pies by little fingers... trying to entertain and have grown up conversation while still keeping up with diaper changes and sippy cups... I really. Enjoyed it. It seems counting your blessings doesn't make life easier, but it sure makes it more enjoyable. :) What a blessed Thanksgiving we had this year!

We topped off the thanksgiving festivities with our church small group. We had a crab boil feast. On the back deck, Jake fills a hug pot (the same one we use to fry a turkey) with corn on the cob, small red and gold potatoes, artichokes, seasonings, and lots and lots of crab legs. Then we cover the kitchen table with newspaper, dump out the pot on the table, and enjoy! We may or may not have gone through five sticks of butter for dipping. ;)

And afterwards, we played "mafia" and "trim the war sheep" and laughed and laughed and laughed until I'd cried most of my makeup off and my abs hurt.

So I'll say again, because its worth repeating: Counting your blessings doesn't make life easier, but it sure makes it more enjoyable. I'm so thankful for my family and my friends. I'm thankful for those I do life with. I'm thankful for every one of those little arrows in my full quiver. And I'm thankful for my better half who makes everything.... so much better. And I'm thankful that my heart is in the hands of Jesus who gives me life, and gives it more abundantly.

So with a heart FULL of thanks... so long November, hello Christmas season.