"One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong"... :)
A few little updates. The couponing is going... okaaay I guess. I think that when I did this before I had more time to actually work it. It really is work! But I also know that you have to sort of get into the grove. And I'm definitely not there yet. Also, I still haven't decided which store I'm gonna stick with. Target is closest and... lets face it, its the most fun. But they give me a lot of slack for handing over my stack of coupons and they don't double. Kroger has great prices, great sales, takes coupons, but I don't love their selection. And for the items I don't have coupons for, I'm not really crazy about Kroger brand. Publix is great about accepting coupons, they double, they accept competitor coupons, but its the furthest of the three I'm considering, I'm not crazy about their base prices either and lastly (this is gonna sound lame, I know) but they are almost TOO friendly. I find it extremely obnoxious and sometimes even patronizing. I feel like I'm on Leave it to Beaver in there. Everyone has a cheesy smile and fake wave. Ok, now that I got that off my chest... *deap breath*. But this is all worth it if I'm gonna bring our family grocery bill down.
Next on the agenda, Milk. This is not a fun subject for me. I was so set on going organic for milk. No grass flavor, no hormones, a perfect balance... at stinkin' SIX BUCKS A GALLON!!! Dang people!!! I'm gonna HAVE to coupon if I'm gonna afford paying $120 a month on MILK!! Whew. Sooooo I bought some good ol' Kroger milk again this week and now I'm back to wondering what in the world to do.
So where does Facebook fit into this? It doesn't. But I thought I would alert the world that I've finally made the dive. I jumped into Facebook. I know, I know, I'm probably the last person on the planet to have a facebook account but its getting to the point that I feel like I'm the last one to know about anything because everyone else already found out on facebook. Again, LAME, I know. I don't even know why I've waited so long. I guess I figured I'd spend way too much time on it. Time I don't have. Its all I can do to sit down at this computer, check some emails, RESPOND, and occasionally throw out a blog post or two to let everyone know that I'm alive and kickin' over here. Anyway, facebook, here I come.
PS. I took Micah and Abby for the big GI clinic appointment today. I don't really have much to share yet except to say that Abby's gonna have an endoscopy done to get a biopsy of her intestine to test for celiac disease. So I'll update more once thats done and I actually have information to share. As for Micah... we might actually be moving in to the GI clinic... :)
Moments
Adoption is tough. It just is. Having a new kid in your house is tough. If I'm completely honest with myself and our personal situation (in other words, I'm not saying its this way for every adopting family by any means), Micah has "attached" to us more than I've attached to him. Sometimes he drives me nuts. And sometimes... something supernatural kicks in and he's MINE.
A few months ago, I was getting seriously frustrated with Micah. He is a one man tornado that needs monitored every second of every day and it was wearing me down. Then one night something strange happened. He was getting down from his booster seat after dinner, stumbled a little, fell, and made a little wimper noise. The mommy in me went over, without thinking, scooped him up, offered sympathy and an enveloping mommy hug. And it hit. My heart loved him as my own. Deeply. Forget all the craziness, forget the frustration, this is MY boy. And I think he felt it too. We just held one another. The girls finished their dinner, Jake cleared the table and washed faces, and even put Abby to bed. And still there we stood. Catching up on some bonding that we haven't had the last 4 years. It wasn't the first time that that feeling had hit me, but it was the "strongest" for lack of a better word and I'll never ever forget it.
Today it hit again. I was back in my bedroom and Jake was out in the livingroom with the kids. Micah was running and took a tumble, falling on his eye somehow. A little cut and a big swollen bruise behind it. And being the awesome daddy that he is, Jake cleaned it off, got him a little baggy of ice and had Micah sitting on the couch holding his ice pack. And that is how I found him when I came out. I ran over to him as Jake recounted the story, I scooped him up, sat him in my lap and there it was. This crazy mama bear fierce love. Wild horses couldn't have dragged him away from my chest.
Something else I've been doing that was suggested by my "After the Rainbow" group, is swaddling. Every now and then before bedtime, I'll take a big blanket, wrap his arms up really tight (like swaddling a baby but without the legs), sit him in my lap, lean him back and rock him like a baby. When I first heard of this I figured he would fight me. But you know, he LOVES it. He doesn't smile or anything, but sucks really hard on his tongue and his eyes roll around like "this is awesome". :) Its very therapeutic for BOTH of us.
Moments. Occasional moments when God's love and heart are poured into mine and I see Micah through a different light. The son of my heart. My sweet baby boy.
A few months ago, I was getting seriously frustrated with Micah. He is a one man tornado that needs monitored every second of every day and it was wearing me down. Then one night something strange happened. He was getting down from his booster seat after dinner, stumbled a little, fell, and made a little wimper noise. The mommy in me went over, without thinking, scooped him up, offered sympathy and an enveloping mommy hug. And it hit. My heart loved him as my own. Deeply. Forget all the craziness, forget the frustration, this is MY boy. And I think he felt it too. We just held one another. The girls finished their dinner, Jake cleared the table and washed faces, and even put Abby to bed. And still there we stood. Catching up on some bonding that we haven't had the last 4 years. It wasn't the first time that that feeling had hit me, but it was the "strongest" for lack of a better word and I'll never ever forget it.
Today it hit again. I was back in my bedroom and Jake was out in the livingroom with the kids. Micah was running and took a tumble, falling on his eye somehow. A little cut and a big swollen bruise behind it. And being the awesome daddy that he is, Jake cleaned it off, got him a little baggy of ice and had Micah sitting on the couch holding his ice pack. And that is how I found him when I came out. I ran over to him as Jake recounted the story, I scooped him up, sat him in my lap and there it was. This crazy mama bear fierce love. Wild horses couldn't have dragged him away from my chest.
Something else I've been doing that was suggested by my "After the Rainbow" group, is swaddling. Every now and then before bedtime, I'll take a big blanket, wrap his arms up really tight (like swaddling a baby but without the legs), sit him in my lap, lean him back and rock him like a baby. When I first heard of this I figured he would fight me. But you know, he LOVES it. He doesn't smile or anything, but sucks really hard on his tongue and his eyes roll around like "this is awesome". :) Its very therapeutic for BOTH of us.
Moments. Occasional moments when God's love and heart are poured into mine and I see Micah through a different light. The son of my heart. My sweet baby boy.
Hit me with your best shot
** Update** Ok, so its only been a couple of days (or A day... whatever) and I've already decided that I need to take small steps. I'm gonna start with organic milk. I'm afraid if I get too gung-ho all at once, I'll crash and burn and give it all up. So, if anyone has any reference sites, I'd still love to see them, but for now, pasteurized organic is the Milk du jour. :)
I might have to make it a new theme to make all of my post titles song titles. :)
Thursday night I went out for my monthly coffee date with a friend of mine. Its so nice to get out, sit and chat with a friend about... whatever we want. :) But since the topics of health issues and nutrition for our families have been on both of our radars recently, that was the topic of the night.
The thing that prompted me to bring up the subject HERE is... (dah dah daaaahhh)... raw milk. :) I feel like I've been hearing about this more and more recently. A few of my friends drink raw milk. A lot of blog authors that I read advocate for raw milk. And my opinion on raw milk vs. "store milk" is that I prefer to drink something that doesn't taste like grass. Gross. It separates like the breastmilk I pump out and has to be shaken up before its drinken. Sick. Until recently I hadn't been willing to actually look into the nutritional benefits... honestly, because it just sounded nasty to me. But in our house, with all of our little ones, we go through FIVE gallons of milk a week and anything we're purchasing that much of, I'd like to be certain its the best thing for our family. I've also been pumping lots of probiotics into my kids recently (actually probiotics are kind of like my new best friend, lol!), and probiotics are naturally found in raw milk. And I'm not saying I'm about to get all crazy organic or anything, but the case for raw milk is seeming to grow stronger the more I look into it.
SO.
I want to do some research for myself and I'm not sure where to start. I want to look further into this but before I go knocking on a farmers door for a freshly "squeezed" glass of milk, I'd like to know what I'm getting into. This is where you come in. Can anyone out there in internet land give me some advise on where to find information that I can rely on? I generally feel that anyone who's selling something isn't the best source for information... and I don't want to rely on "Mckmama said its better, so it must be". I want some cold hard facts. And though there are some great resources out there, I also know you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
So, suggestions anyone? Sites? References? Hit me with your best shot. Why should or shouldn't I make the raw switch.
I might have to make it a new theme to make all of my post titles song titles. :)
Thursday night I went out for my monthly coffee date with a friend of mine. Its so nice to get out, sit and chat with a friend about... whatever we want. :) But since the topics of health issues and nutrition for our families have been on both of our radars recently, that was the topic of the night.
The thing that prompted me to bring up the subject HERE is... (dah dah daaaahhh)... raw milk. :) I feel like I've been hearing about this more and more recently. A few of my friends drink raw milk. A lot of blog authors that I read advocate for raw milk. And my opinion on raw milk vs. "store milk" is that I prefer to drink something that doesn't taste like grass. Gross. It separates like the breastmilk I pump out and has to be shaken up before its drinken. Sick. Until recently I hadn't been willing to actually look into the nutritional benefits... honestly, because it just sounded nasty to me. But in our house, with all of our little ones, we go through FIVE gallons of milk a week and anything we're purchasing that much of, I'd like to be certain its the best thing for our family. I've also been pumping lots of probiotics into my kids recently (actually probiotics are kind of like my new best friend, lol!), and probiotics are naturally found in raw milk. And I'm not saying I'm about to get all crazy organic or anything, but the case for raw milk is seeming to grow stronger the more I look into it.
SO.
I want to do some research for myself and I'm not sure where to start. I want to look further into this but before I go knocking on a farmers door for a freshly "squeezed" glass of milk, I'd like to know what I'm getting into. This is where you come in. Can anyone out there in internet land give me some advise on where to find information that I can rely on? I generally feel that anyone who's selling something isn't the best source for information... and I don't want to rely on "Mckmama said its better, so it must be". I want some cold hard facts. And though there are some great resources out there, I also know you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
So, suggestions anyone? Sites? References? Hit me with your best shot. Why should or shouldn't I make the raw switch.
Back in the saddle again
Did the song come in your head when you read that? Its been in mine all night!
I'm sitting here between two large piles of paper... one is a stack of Smart Source and Red Plum coupon inserts the other are adds for all my local grocery stores. In the middle is me and my husbands laptop. Back in the saddlllllle againnnnnnnnnn...
I used to be good at this. Couponing. I used to be so good that I would teach friends and family how. I used to have bins in my closets full of shampoo, conditioner, soaps, deoterants, toothpaste... OOHH the toothpaste! And the space above my kitchen cabinets looked like an old country store. Bottles of windex, jars of ragu, and boxes of cereal all stacked 5 or 6 deep.
But then life happened. I started the adoption process and my time on Money Saving Mom was replaced time on the Reeces Rainbow forum. Instead of printing coupons I was printing dossier documents. And oh yes, I was pregnant and morning sick too... the thought of food... not pretty. So Jake took over the family grocery shopping, I gave up my "couponing" and haven't looked back.
Until now. We looked at our budget last week and we spend more on groceries than we do our mortgage. YIKES. But in my own defense, we NEVER eat out for dinner (have you ever seen... or heard... my family at a restaurant?! lol), and it includes what some people call "target stuff". Diapers, cleaning products, make-up, etc. etc. But still. I used to get make-up for free at CVS. Target practically paid ME to buy diapers.
Anyway, its time to start savin' the moolah again. I used to "do" Publix, Kroger, Target and CVS. But for now, I'm starting with Target. Because its the closest to me and they have lots of store coupons that can be stacked with mfr's. I just made my list. I've got my stack of coupons paper clipped to it. I'm gonna go tomorrow while Jake is home with the kids. It feels good to be doing this again. Wish me luck!!
I'm sitting here between two large piles of paper... one is a stack of Smart Source and Red Plum coupon inserts the other are adds for all my local grocery stores. In the middle is me and my husbands laptop. Back in the saddlllllle againnnnnnnnnn...
I used to be good at this. Couponing. I used to be so good that I would teach friends and family how. I used to have bins in my closets full of shampoo, conditioner, soaps, deoterants, toothpaste... OOHH the toothpaste! And the space above my kitchen cabinets looked like an old country store. Bottles of windex, jars of ragu, and boxes of cereal all stacked 5 or 6 deep.
But then life happened. I started the adoption process and my time on Money Saving Mom was replaced time on the Reeces Rainbow forum. Instead of printing coupons I was printing dossier documents. And oh yes, I was pregnant and morning sick too... the thought of food... not pretty. So Jake took over the family grocery shopping, I gave up my "couponing" and haven't looked back.
Until now. We looked at our budget last week and we spend more on groceries than we do our mortgage. YIKES. But in my own defense, we NEVER eat out for dinner (have you ever seen... or heard... my family at a restaurant?! lol), and it includes what some people call "target stuff". Diapers, cleaning products, make-up, etc. etc. But still. I used to get make-up for free at CVS. Target practically paid ME to buy diapers.
Anyway, its time to start savin' the moolah again. I used to "do" Publix, Kroger, Target and CVS. But for now, I'm starting with Target. Because its the closest to me and they have lots of store coupons that can be stacked with mfr's. I just made my list. I've got my stack of coupons paper clipped to it. I'm gonna go tomorrow while Jake is home with the kids. It feels good to be doing this again. Wish me luck!!
Finding freedom
Being a perfectionist doesn't make you perfect. And that's a hard pill for me to swallow.
Pause: I don't know why this blog has recently become a sounding board for me when its purpose is really intended to be something much different. But... whatever. Back to the topic of perfection. Or lack thereof.
Yes, I'm a perfectionist. I'm a control freak. And I'm prideful. These are a dangerous combination of bad character traits.
I've been sick the last few days and praise the LORD that I'm on the tail end of it and no one else seems to have gotten it. But during the last few days- dare I say it- I had to ask for help. I couldn't wrangle my kids alone. I couldn't even pull myself off the couch to make meals. My amazing husband, my mom and my MIL all jumped in to help around here. And for whatever bizarre reason, I felt like a failure. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more thankful for their help. And they all did above and beyond what I could have asked- keeping the laundry moving, the dishes done and the kids fed, snuggled and loved. But laying on the couch unable to breath through my nose, my head pounding, the room spinning, my body aching... I felt like I was letting... someone... down. Who? I'm still not sure. Myself? Don't know. Its just what I felt.
Now, all that aside for a minute, let me bring to light this incredible little lie that the enemy has been forcing on me for months now... these four little words that creep up more and more each day. Ready?
"ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH" There. I said it.
I've been hearing these words in my head for months. In everything I do. Its unbelievable the way these words can eat at you and how they can apply (for lack of a better word) to every area of your life. Cooking, cleaning, loving my family, praying, serving at church, budgeting, encouraging my husband... even keeping up my own appearance! In all of it I kept hearing "Its NOT GOOD ENOUGH." These words can be piercing to a prideful perfectionist control freak. But I guess beating you while your down IS what the enemy does.
So it all came rolling to a head last night as I laid there unable to do much of anything but rely on help from others. Through feverish tears (literally) I shared all of this with Jake and he was able to tell me all of the things I know in my heart but desperately needed to hear. God thinks I AM good enough. God loves me exactly the way I am. And lots more that I'm not going to cover right now but suffice to say, it was some much needed perspective.
Its okay if everything isn't just so. No one expects me to be perfect. Better yet, it doesn't matter what others expect. And I shouldn't expect my kids to be perfect either. I need to simplify. I'm gonna kill myself trying to keep everyone in line, everything clean and all of it done beautifully. I need to do a lot of loosening up and letting go.
Guys, I am seriously flawed. But you know, I am seriously loved. And that's so. freeing.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. John 8:32
Pause: I don't know why this blog has recently become a sounding board for me when its purpose is really intended to be something much different. But... whatever. Back to the topic of perfection. Or lack thereof.
Yes, I'm a perfectionist. I'm a control freak. And I'm prideful. These are a dangerous combination of bad character traits.
I've been sick the last few days and praise the LORD that I'm on the tail end of it and no one else seems to have gotten it. But during the last few days- dare I say it- I had to ask for help. I couldn't wrangle my kids alone. I couldn't even pull myself off the couch to make meals. My amazing husband, my mom and my MIL all jumped in to help around here. And for whatever bizarre reason, I felt like a failure. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more thankful for their help. And they all did above and beyond what I could have asked- keeping the laundry moving, the dishes done and the kids fed, snuggled and loved. But laying on the couch unable to breath through my nose, my head pounding, the room spinning, my body aching... I felt like I was letting... someone... down. Who? I'm still not sure. Myself? Don't know. Its just what I felt.
Now, all that aside for a minute, let me bring to light this incredible little lie that the enemy has been forcing on me for months now... these four little words that creep up more and more each day. Ready?
"ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH" There. I said it.
I've been hearing these words in my head for months. In everything I do. Its unbelievable the way these words can eat at you and how they can apply (for lack of a better word) to every area of your life. Cooking, cleaning, loving my family, praying, serving at church, budgeting, encouraging my husband... even keeping up my own appearance! In all of it I kept hearing "Its NOT GOOD ENOUGH." These words can be piercing to a prideful perfectionist control freak. But I guess beating you while your down IS what the enemy does.
So it all came rolling to a head last night as I laid there unable to do much of anything but rely on help from others. Through feverish tears (literally) I shared all of this with Jake and he was able to tell me all of the things I know in my heart but desperately needed to hear. God thinks I AM good enough. God loves me exactly the way I am. And lots more that I'm not going to cover right now but suffice to say, it was some much needed perspective.
Its okay if everything isn't just so. No one expects me to be perfect. Better yet, it doesn't matter what others expect. And I shouldn't expect my kids to be perfect either. I need to simplify. I'm gonna kill myself trying to keep everyone in line, everything clean and all of it done beautifully. I need to do a lot of loosening up and letting go.
Guys, I am seriously flawed. But you know, I am seriously loved. And that's so. freeing.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. John 8:32
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