Christmas 2015

That's not a very creative title. But you should be impressed I'm writing at all.

I just survived Christmas. Emotionally and Physically.

This wasn't just any Christmas. It was Christmas 2015. The last one in this house. The last one in Middle Tennessee.

It started with the typical chaos. School plays, festivities, Christmas shopping, long lines at Target, cookie exchanges and Amy forgetting which kid needed the wrapped book under $5 and which one needed 30 paper plates and cups. And on which days.

What made it different was what makes it one I'll never forget.

SCHOOL

Class Christmas party day this year was hard. Because it was also the last day of school {forever} for my four GCA kids.

Mabry and Mrs Michelle

Ashley's Surprise goodbye party by the 6th Grade girls' Bible class

Grace Christian Academy is the only school Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate have ever known. It's in the only church they've ever gone to and their daddy is one of the pastors. Talk about safe. Talk about sentimental... That place is home to our family. Those people are our family.

Ashley started Kindergarten the day the school opened its doors. If she stayed, she'd be the first graduating girl to attend that school all 13 years. But not now....

We said our goodbyes as the halls were loud and packed with parents and tiny siblings. The classrooms smelled like sugar and half the students were in Christmas Pajamas. Everyone was saying goodbye for Christmas break while we said goodbye, forever. Just when I would think I had it together, I'd see another loved teacher and the tears would flow again. 

Jake surprised the big girls and took them to see Star Wars to help soften the sting. I'm so grateful he did. I think it helped a lot. For a little while. At least it's given them something to think about. I'm all about processing the emotions but tween girls have a special gift for dwelling on things to the point of unhealthy. So now we can divert to theories about Rey and we find excitement and smiles again. ;)

OUR HOUSE HERE

Since this post, our Christmas tree took on a transformation. Mid-Christmas our house went under contract. I'd originally tried to keep it de-personalized (as much as such a personal thing can be) for showings. But once we had a buyer, I packed up my elegant ornaments and hauled out the special ones. The homemade and well loved ones. Much to the kids' excitement, the tree transformed into our familiar family Christmas tree. Laminated handprints and all. I'll never forget the year our tree started out beautiful and unfamiliar and ended familiar but even more beautiful.

OUR HOUSE THERE

We made a day trip out to Knoxville the day after school let out so the kids (and Jake's parents and brother came along) could see our new home for the first time. It was sweet. And loud. And I think maybe our real estate agent is afraid of us now. Anyway, it was a fun time getting to see them explore. Now they can put a picture to the end goal of the not-so-fun weeks of packing ahead. 

HOSPITAL

What would the holidays for a large family be without at least one trip to the ER? Micah was running around chasing the kids and fell, hitting the back of his head on a side table, landing him in the ER with two staples which will need to be removed the beginning of January. So yeah, there was that.

Buddy. :(

FAMILY

We were blessed to see lots of family this year. We had "4 Christmas'." Christmas morning with just the 8 of us, then Christmas with Jake's family, a day with my moms' side and today we had Christmas with my dad and stepmom. Each time was so special and sweet. And each had it's own yummy meal- much to the detriment of my waistline. Thankfully, Dad and Margie got us a Ninja for Christmas so if you see me eating or drinking anything but a green smoothie for the next month, smack me. #accountability #pleaseandthankyou

Dad and Margie with all their grandbabies 

I got to see my brother, whom I generally only see for Christmas. This year it was surprisingly bittersweet because he's reminding me more every year of our Papaw who is with Jesus. And actually the last time I saw Papaw was with my brother, on Christmas Day 2012. Whew. Bittersweet. 

~~~

Through all the good, the hard and the bittersweet, we lived. Christmas 2015 is in the books. And while the kids are all preoccupied with their new toys, I'm getting my type A on. Planning how to get this house packed and this family of 8 across the state in one piece. 

Because come 2016, it's time for a new adventure. 

A letter to my daughters about makeup

I have 5 girls.

FIVE. Girls.

Ages 4 to {almost} 12. Kate will always be the baby but she's no longer a baby. Ashley will always be the oldest but she's not yet a teenager. Which means there are five. kid. girls.

Mostly, we're nicely balanced by Micah and Daddy but some days I feel like we're all going to be washed out the door in a wave of lipgloss, glitter spray and cheap strawberry shortcake scented nail polish.

Its a constant goal of mine to live in the moment but plan for the future. So I enjoy being the one to fix their hair and paint their little nails as long as I can. But there's an awareness in the back of my head that someday I'm going to have five. teenage. girls. Pray for me.

And specifically on the point of makeup, I have several things I want to say to them. My oldest will be in middle school this year and is thrilled at the thought of wearing even a teenie bit of makeup. So I'm printing this letter for her and making copies for each of my girls down the road. We do/will have lots of ongoing conversation on this stuff too but I want them to have this reminder to tuck in their rooms and remember. For you like-minded moms of girls, I hope this helps get you started with your own conversations. And God speed. ;)

"Sweet girl,

Ok, lets talk makeup.

I love makeup. But you already know that. Maybe its the artist in me but I love the colors and the brushes and the creams... Its so much fun!

And you should know that you come from a long line of makeup loving southern women who never left the house "without my face on". ;) I used to sit and watch Nana brush mascara into those long lashes of hers and pay attention when she'd tell me that "eye liner should only go in the outer third of your bottom lashline." Grannie knows every woman at the beauty counter by name and I would always gladly receive the little Clinique freebies she'd give me, even after I was married and having children. It's a given among the women in my family that if a shade you purchased doesn't work for you, you better pass it along for one of the rest of us to try. And if it does work, we want to know it!

And even back to your great great grandmother, Victoria-- there are stories of her religiously taking off her makeup at night and slathering her face in cold cream or vaseline. Legend has it, she never had a wrinkle. ;) 

Makeup is fun. I don't mind for you to try new things and play around with it. Sticking as close as possible to the color palette that God gave you in your own tones will always be prettiest. Some friends might encourage you to wear more makeup. And some might even tell you that its bad to wear makeup.

But here's the deal.

What I always want you to remember is that true beauty comes from your spirit. Being in the Lords presence will make you radiate in a way that no makeup can.

"...let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

Does makeup make you physically prettier? It can, yes, if done right. 

Are you already beautiful on the outside? Of course. 

Do you need makeup? Absolutely not. 

Is it wrong to wear make up? Not if your heart is in the right place.

As with anything, you need to keep your heart in check first. Am I ok with my appearance with no makeup? Is my identity solely in Christ and not how blonde my eyelashes are or how many pimples are on my face?

If those things are in check, by all means, have fun with it. Use it to make those blue eyes pop and to give you more confidence when you've got a huge blemish on your forehead. Shiny up those lips, girly. :)

Just remember that there is no amount of makeup that can cover an ugly heart or a bad attitude. And no amount of blush or shimmer can make you shine like a right spirit with the Lord, who's confidence is in Christ.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Prov. 31:30

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." Phil. 2:14-15

Also, makeup should not, will not (nor should you want it to) change your face. Only accentuate it. Your face is a distinctly beautiful mix of features that are inherited from both sides of our family. Makeup should celebrate those features, not hide them. 

Ads and photos of models and celebrities are photoshopped and fake. Those women aren't real and don't define beauty. The only perfect is you in the mirror. You are perfect the way God made you.

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Sol. 4:7

Lastly, I need to say this. Sometimes makeup can make young girls look older than they really are. And its my job and Daddy's to protect you while you're under our covering. So please respect our opinion if we suggest that something is too dark, to bright, or just too much. We aren't trying to be mean. We want you to slow down and be the age you are. Wearing makeup will be a privilege that grows as we see that you can use it properly. And if you're not sure about something, just come ask me. It won't be long before you'll be the one telling me, "Mom, this mascara is way better, try this one." ;)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want you to enjoy your pre-teen/teenage years. Have fun, be smart, be responsible and show the world the Christ that's in you. Makeup is great. But its just a thing. Make sure that thing is in its proper place.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." I Tim. 4:12

Beautiful girl, I love you with all my heart and I am for you, always.

Love,

Mom

The Author

This summer Ashley and Emily are keeping themselves busy reading (and now writing) mystery books. Ashley's current novel is Mystery of the missing bird eggs which is "based on a true story" that is still unfolding in our very own front yard. ;)

We have a bird nest in our yard that is home to a new set of tiny blue eggs each summer. But the ones that were there this year have gone missing. No baby birds, no egg shells, no sign of mother bird, they're just gone. So Ashley's writing a book about it.

This morning after Ashley read me an excerpt, Emily said, "Don't you think you should like, have an ending first, before you write the book?"

But no, Ashley is content to write although there isn't a clear end in sight.

~~~

Yesterday I got home from my trip to Italy with my family. It was amazing. The beauty, the history, the art, the people and lets face it--the food were all incredible. I won't speak for the others there but it was definitely a much needed trip for me. Of course I missed my husband and kiddos like crazy but to have two full weeks of not being responsible for anyone or anything... it was just what the doctor ordered. A breath of fresh air and perspective. I truly feel rejuvenated and energized. Well, sort of. I can tell that I will when the jet lag is fully gone. *sips coffee*

As a mom of 6, Italy gave just enough distance to make my heart grow fonder, know what I mean? :) Some respite did this momma good.

We walked the busy streets of Rome, beheld Michelangelo's David in Florence, hiked alongside the vineyards of Cinque Terre and rode through the waters of Venice. We ate our weight in pasta and worked it off touring these beautiful cities. 

On this trip, my sister and I got to know one another for the first time (as adults) and I'm forever grateful for the opportunity. We met as practically strangers and left as friends. Sisters. We got a little taste of what we missed out on for the last 22 years. We shared a room, stayed up late talking and laughing, and I teased her about the waiter who asked her out. ;) She is beautiful inside and out, and I'm looking forward to the relationship that we'll have from now on.

But ya know, in the last two weeks... getting to know someone for the first time... and sharing my life story... I realized something.

I always thought I had a boring testimony. I asked Jesus into my heart at the age of five. And I've followed Him ever since. I don't have a lengthy prodigal son type story. I was just a kid who got saved young. And now I'm just a mom who loves Jesus. I'm not perfect and I've had my struggles. But... my testimony is pretty simple one.

But it occurred to me. None of us have a boring testimony because weren't saved by a boring God. 

I've always been loved. I've always been safe. And out of respect for people that I love and who love me, I won't share any details of my story but suffice to say-- the storms of the relationships surrounding me left battle scars on my life. Circumstances out of my control had a profound affect on my life, rather for good or for bad, and in some ways, still do.

But the more I give my life over to the Lord, the more He makes a beautiful thing out of it.

My salvation is a testimony of the love of God. But so is my marriage. So are every one of my children. So was our adoption. So is my husbands job. So is our home. So are our finances. So is my health. So are my relationships with my family now.

These blessings are not of my own doing. I could have given in to bitterness. I could be mad. I could be depressed that my parents were divorced or that one of my babies had special needs. Or upset that my milk spilled or someone stole my toy. Bump in the road or impassable mountain, life happens. But He changed my heart. He changed the eyes I view life through. He changed me. He changed me.

I may not be the prodigal son but woven through the pages of my story are traces of a loving God. Written in bold beautiful colors through the chapters where I'd opened my hands and given Him full authority. And a little more dark where I'd clenched my hands and dug in my heals. But He's there. They're my footsteps but its His choreography. His song.

And that's my testimony.

Just because I've accepted Christ and I live for Him... doesn't mean my testimony is over, either. It isn't complete until He returns. He's continuing a good work in me. (Phil 1:6) And even for those who haven't given their lives over to Him... there are traces in their stories too. Places He's gently calling them. Inviting them to let go. To let Him be the Author.

I have a story to tell. Testimonies of the love and redemption of Christ. And its not done being written. I just hope there are more pages in bold, beautiful colors. I want each chapter to have more and more beauty and excitement as I surrender each and every page to the Author.

Ya know, I don't know where those little blue eggs went. But the story isn't over. There's more than what we know now or even what we see. Its ok to tell the story even if it seems simple or we don't know the end. The Author is a master at creative writing and He isn't finished yet.

"Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Hebrews 12:1,2

The Remedy

I'm a fourth generation homekeeper. It might even go back further than that, but I can at least testify that my mom, grandmother and great grandmother were all wives, moms, and homekeepers. I'm a little old fashioned at heart and I love that there's a new generation of women trying to go back to the way their grandmothers did things. I mean, in my family we pass down things like our recipe for Frito Casserole (except its not the same thing if you don't say it with a southern accent) or how to fry okra. But that's not what I'm talking about. Lots of women are going back to gardening, couponing, using natural remedies, and cleaning with what's in the pantry. In fact, in a world of Pinterest and Crunchy Betty, "going granola" is pretty trendy.

But rather it be old-fashioned, crunchy, granola, hippie or none of the above: as a wife, mom and homekeeper, I'm always trying to keep my family healthy. With as few chemicals and drugs as possible. And on a budget. With the occasional Frito Casserole or run through taco bell. (gasp!) Hey. Don't judge.

Ya know... in this day and age, it's not easy. 

You either do no research at all and live in ignorant bliss (which I don't feel is super wise) or every time you turn around, you find out something you're buying or consuming is killing you. Or causing eczema in small children. Where's the balance? There's almost too much information out there, and not all of it accurate. 

We just don't live in the same world our grandparents did. We live in a world where autism, cancer, childhood obesity, ADD and even allergies are all on the rise. Just to name a few things. All of my grocery stores carry foods that aren't actually food at all and even the produce is laced with toxins. And while things are labeled "natural" I still have to do my homework because even "natural" products could be harmful to my family. And you can have the internet equivalent of a public stoning just for mentioning rather or not you've chosen to vaccinate your children. No comment.

And while I want to do the very best I can by my family, I try not to obsess over it. I'm not going to let fear control me. We buy some organic food, try not to buy too many processed foods, and cook from scratch as much as I can. I make my own laundry detergent and cleaners (because its cheaper and healthier). And recently, I'm trying to replace our medicine cabinet with essential oils. I make my own lotion, but I'm sure if you look in my bathroom cabinets you'll find something with a paraben in it. (gasp again!) But you know what?  I do what I can to walk in wisdom while ultimately putting my trust in the Lord.

I haven't been using essential oils forever, really just in the last few months. But so far, I really love what I've been using. We've used them for eczema, fevers, sore throats, snotty noses, strep, diaper rash, headaches and PMS. And I'm doing some research on how they can help Micah and Abby focus when they're at church and school. Jake still prefers his excedrine migraine and cold medicine. And if something serious crops up, I'm not against picking up some antibiotics as needed. But for the most part, we're trying to take care of business-- medical business-- naturally. With essential oils, balanced with other things like organic apple cider vinegar and raw organic coconut oil.

But.

Not surprising of our culture, I'm noticing a tipping scale. People getting a little obsessive. Looking to oils or even just natural remedies for ev.er.y.thing. Its like a game. "What oil can I use for...?" And dare I even say it, using essential oils for spiritual purposes. I'm not talking about everyone that's using them. But its out there. And I feel that if I'm going to encourage others to use essential oils as a part of their medicine cabinet (because I love them!) I feel a responsibility to clarify what I'm encouraging the use for. Does that make sense?

Now, let me be clear. When I say spiritual... I don't mean psychological. I realize there are real chemical/hormonal/emotional/psychological reasons to use medical intervention via essential oils, pharmaceuticals, or whatever you choose. Depression, addiction, sensory processing disorder... these (and more) are very real diagnoses that are miserable to go through. And there are medicines and certainly oils that help with them, if not cure it altogether.

(Now, what I'm about to say does not apply to someone who is not a born-again believer. If you've not found Jesus, the following paragraphs do not apply to you. But I would encourage you to start a relationship with Jesus Christ because you'll find more fulfillment in Him than anyone/anything else you've ever tried or ever could try. I promise.)

But for the born-again, Bible believing, Spirit-filled, follower of Christ. There is not anything on this planet that should replace us going to our God and creator for our ultimate spiritual fulfillment and healing. He alone should be our all in all.

Can we use the resources He's given us to treat the illnesses of this world? Yes. Absolutely.

Should we use the brain in our heads that He's given us to make wise choices? Of course.

But what do we turn to first?

Are we using these things to give ourselves a sense of power and control over our circumstances? 

And to take it a step further, should we be using oils for spiritual enlightenment (whatever you think that might mean) or to achieve a deeper inner peace and self worth? 

Shaky ground my friends. Shaky ground. 

There is nothing that should replace the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm not big on religion. I'm big on relationship. With the true and living God. The maker of heaven and earth. Who see's my heart and knows my thoughts. Who loved me enough to send His one and only Son do pay for my sins. By Who's stripes I'm healed.

I'm not going to get super legalistic and outline what I feel is acceptable and unacceptable concerning... any of this. But can I ask you this? Please don't just read blogs, or trust in something someone on a FB group said or recommended, or listen to someone... who's selling something. Check God's Word. Find out what trusted and Godly friends and leaders think about it. And most importantly, pray about it. Check your own heart and ask the Lord to show you anything in your life that you're putting more trust in than Him. And if it causes you to sin-- and putting anything before Him is sin-- remove it. (Mark 9:43)

Today I was talking through some of this with a close friend. A fellow mom that strives to hear the Spirit of the Lord over the noise of our toddlers. She had a great point and said it so beautifully (as she usually does) with these words. "We want an answer that we ourselves can administer, removing the need for Christ. But we veil it in nobility of doing the natural best thing for our family. He is the cure. The remedy. First. Always." She texted those words to me and I stared at them for a long time. She absolutely hit the nail on the head.*

And listen people, I'm preaching to myself over here. If I'm so consumed with essential oils, "natural remedies", healthy living, organic food, being gluten free, being sugar free, clean eating or any other way of eating... or anything else for that matter... Facebook, emails, getting to the gym, my friends, what my friends think, my job, my parenting philosophy, my blog, my hobby, my home, even my kids... I don't care how good and right it is. If we're putting it before the Lord, its time for a change. Time to repent and rearrange the priorities. 

I hope I'm able to communicate through these written words, with no tone or voice inflection being heard, the love with which I say these things. God is a God of love, mercy and grace. But He is also a jealous God with a fierce love that is serious about things that come before Him in our lives. I can't tell you what that means for you specifically. But I can tell you that we are not without measures for checking.

These are perilous times in which we live. (2 Tim. 3:1) Let's seek to do the the very best by our families, watching over the ways of our household. (Prov. 31:27) Let's run the race, not looking to the right or left. (Hebrews 12:1) Let's be of sober mind, testing everything. (I Peter 5:8, I Thes. 5:21) And hey. Lets do it together.

And should the Lord tarry, I'd love to raise up a new generation of sober minded, vigilant, God fearing wives, mothers and homekeepers who know: Christ is the Remedy.

*You can read more of my friend Sarah's beautiful words over on her blog, My Awefull Life

To you...

To the woman who prayed for a blond haired, blue eyed daughter...

To the person who always put me first...

To the one who led me to Jesus in the kitchen of our farmhouse...

To my 4th-12th grade teacher...

To my high school best friend...

To the first number I called when my water broke...

To the my late night consultant when my babies are sick...

To the one who held my hand as the doctor said the words "Down Syndrome"...

To the face on Skype holding 3 beautiful girls as we gave updates from Ukraine...

To the one who cut the cord for my very last baby...

To Marrietta because I'm Liz... To Andrew because I'm Andrew Jr...

To the grandmother who babysits, drives the carpool, and spends too much money at Petsmart...

To the woman I think I see when I quickly pass a mirror...

To the woman who's life motto is "give it to God" no matter what comes her way...

To the strongest woman I know...

To my mom.

Happy Birthday to you.

I love you.

Standing Strong

In efforts to catch up my blog so that our family memories are {sort of} in one place, I'm going to recap some of 2013. But I'm afraid the first post is one of the most painful to write.

January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd... 

I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.

What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say,  Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.

Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer. 

Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He  is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.

But for us...

In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus.... 

And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."

Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor. 

Diagnosis: mono. 
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?

"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor. 
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back." 
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away." 
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*

I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.

~~~

This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.

The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"

Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,

"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"

and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words. 

The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...

But through the lessons this week,  it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.

When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.

So that I can stand strong.

Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)

Finishing out 2012

Well, hello there little blog. I promise I haven't forgotten you.

The month of time since my last post has been... one to remember.

We had a truly wonderful Christmas. Celebrating with Jakes family first, we had "Christmas" mid-December before they had to go back to the Dominican Republic. What a precious time. My mom and dad -in law- are so loved and missed. It truly did good to my heart to spend that time with them.

Santa's 8 reindeer! Otherwise known as the Spencer and Westbeld kids. ;)

Then came a rush of winter sickness. The four youngest all got strep throat. Then Jake had strep and the flu. And I had been feeling down... like, really down... but didn't find out until last week that it was Mono. :( Yuck. And anyway, all the kids except for Ashley came down with some sort of flu-like bug. A few days of a pretty low fever, feeling miserable, sort of a cough... but I don't think it was the actual flu.

Antibiotics anyone?

As always, we spent Christmas morning just our family. Among the hit toys this year: Ashley got a Furby, Emily a Barbie house, Micah a blow up ball pit, Abby a baby with a potty (in hopes she'll pick up the hint!), Mabry and Kate some accessories for their baby dolls.

And around lunch all the extended family (my side this time) came over. My mom got married this year, so this was our first Christmas with some new extended family. Plus my brother was in town. And because David (my mom's husband) has a wheelchair accessible van, my grandparents were able to come over, Papaw's wheelchair and all. The whole bunch of us under one roof. We all agree'd that it was one of the best Christmas' for our family. Such a sweet time we had together.

4 Generations :)

Jake passing out gifts

Nana (my mom) and Emily

Papaw and me

My brother Colby, my mom and me

My Christmas cards didn't go out until 4 days after Christmas. And because I wrote the addresses on all of them with wrong "orientation" (sideways), several came back. So if you usually get a Christmas card from me but didn't this year, sorry about that.

For New Years, our "Cheers Group" group came over. (Thats what our church calls small groups. Ya know, "where everybody knows your name") :) We made some yummy food, played some games, and laughed til our sides hurt. And at midnight, we tooted our noise makers on the front porch like a bunch of teenagers (and could be heard by every neighbor for a couple of blocks, I'm sure), but it was more fun than I've had in a long time! We sure love our group of friends and are so thankful for them. Its so cool to see the body of Christ being the body of Christ to one another and loving each other well.

Our whole bunch a' crazies. :)

Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers!

Got to kiss this guy at midnight. :)

(I also posted a little clip from our crazy night on my YouTube channel. You can check it out by clicking on my YouTube link to the right.)

So after all the beauty and wonder of Christmas... 

and all the joy and laughter of New Years...

came something I was not prepared for. Something I need to work up the strength to write about. 

On January 2nd, my sweet, amazing, beloved Papaw went to be with Jesus. I'll share the story of that soon. And will hopefully find even more healing in telling it. For now I can say that God is good and we are all doing ok. We don't mourn like those who have no hope. (I Thes. 4:13)

But I miss my Papaw.

And that's a story for ... soon. But not now.

~~~


To all who read my humble little un-kept, infrequently updated blog- I pray that you and yours had a blessed 2012, a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. From our family to yours....

I just wanna... Part 2

Its time, once again, for "I just wanna..."

As a mom and wife, there are many things I catch myself saying. Things I "wanna". Please don't mistake this as a lack of gratitude. Because I'm grateful. Really. But sometimes... I just wanna... well, it'll make sense when you read them. For Part 1, click here.

So in no particular order, I just wanna...

... pee alone.

... have a cup of coffee without anyone dropping something into it.

... wear heels. Err... have somewhere to go wearing heels.

... wear a shirt that's not smeared with one of my children's... DNA.

... take a shower.

... understand everything Abby's saying.

... know what Micah's thinking.

... clean my whole house in one day... and it stay that way.

... decorate my house like my pinterest boards.

... be a fun mom, who does the unexpected.

... be a good daughter, who calls often.

... be an involved friend, who's always there.

... be a hot wife, who.... ahem. Anyway.

... go somewhere without a stroller.

... be able to hear the radio in the Suburban.

... be done with PMS forever.

... answer my phone without screaming in the background.

... put children to bed and them stay there.

... have a hidden camera on my table at dinnertime. Even if just for the audio.

... bless my husband the way he blesses me.

... buy everything the kids want for Christmas.

... be super mom.




Is that so much to ask? :)

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 15

#1) Thankful that my husband is taking me out tonight and our precious friend is watching the kids.

#2) Thankful for a sweet gift from my dad and Margie, that means I get to go shopping and buy myself some new clothes!! Whoo hoo!!!!

#3) Thankful for my mom who was in labor with me for hours and hours and hours and has reminded me every November 15th for the last 30 years. ;) And I get to hear about how my mom had false labor a few weeks before and my grandparents drove all the way back to Ft Worth from New Orleans for nothing. And I get to hear how on the day I was born, the waiting room was packed to overflowing with family members... and how my dad and my aunt (my moms sister) both wanted to be in the delivery room so they stood in the hallway arguing, "I'm the father!" "No, I'm the father!"... and how cone-shaped my head was... awesome. Thanks mom. :P

Seriously though, I love you mom and I'm thankful for you!!

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 11

Its been a long day. I'm tired. BUT.... I'm still thankful. :)

#1) Thankful for my triple stroller on Sunday mornings.

#2) Thankful for friends who are up for carpooling kids to birthday parties.

#3) Thankful for my mom's Frito casserole recipe and jiffy corn muffins- food I can cook when I'm too tired to think. Easy, yummy, southern comfort food.

And I need one more today:

#4) Thankful for bedtime when the whole house gets quiet and I can veg out on the couch with my hubby! Thank you Lord for bedtime!!

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 5

#1) I'm thankful for my church small group (we call them Cheers Groups) with friends who love the Lord, love laughter, love life, and are as nutty as Jake and I are.

#2) I'm thankful that my grandparents live in the same town and I can take my babies over to their house during the day to know their great grandparents. Mabry LOVES to go visit Grannie and Papaw.

#3) I'm thankful that no matter what twists and turns life brings, my mom is-- and will always be-- one of my best friends. :)

Reflections from the Dominican

Since we got home a few days ago, I'm having a hard time trying to find the words to describe our trip. Things like "wonderful", "awesome" or "amazing" don't really seem to suffice.

Though my girls did wonderfully,

I'm in awe of the great things that God has done and is doing,

The trash dump village.

and I'm further convinced that my mother and father in law are, in fact, amazing people.

The Josiah's House "Dedication Celebration"

But much of the trip wasn't what I expected.

I thought I was going to be okay leaving my babies. I wasn't. I cried on the flight there, praying against feelings of guilt and depression. I wondered if I'd made a bad choice, leaving the four of them. I realize that sounds a little dramatic to some, but... its true. The only way for me to see past it was to try to put it all out of my mind, which only made me feel more guilty. But truly, God gave me peace knowing it was out of my control and in His hands.

I thought that Ashley and Emily would have a life changing experience. Shocked and appalled by all that they would see, surely they'd come home more thankful for all that they have. Instead, they viewed it all with a childlike unawareness. It didn't matter that these kids had a fraction of what they had at home. They served, loved, and played with the kids, the same as their friends at home. For Ashley and Emily, things like wealth, skin color and language were irrelevant. It wasn't something new, it was just something different. And it didn't matter. So instead I was the one who's eyes were opened.

Carlos, "Gracie" and Emily

The girls playing one of many many MANY hands of Uno with the boys at Josiah's House.

Making sandwiches to pass out at the village at the trash dump.

Sorting clothes to pass out.

Because the girls and I came down with the youth group but weren't really a part of that group, I wasn't sure where exactly we'd be staying or what our days would look like. I was just prepared to be flexible and go along with whatever. We stayed at Josiah's House with Jake's parents and the boys for a few nights and the last half at the hotel with the kids. And the hotel was nice. Really nice actually. When we got there, it was really hard for me to process. I felt guilty, once again, that I wasn't staying somewhere... I don't know, poorer. It had a beautiful, tropical garden in the lobby. I slept in a huge suite with a fridge, microwave, king size bed and 2 TVs. There was a big beautifully landscaped pool and cabana. And there were 3 all-you-can eat buffets a day. I went to serve and bless and instead I was served and blessed. I should have been thankful. Instead I was frustrated. I thought I was being selfless. I wanted to "rough it". Turns out I was being selfish but in a totally unexpected way.

The pool at our hotel. That's Ashley rockin the goggles. :)

I'm so glad that the Lord loves selfish, confused, sinners like me.

I have to say, my favorite part of the trip was the time spent at Josiah's House. I loved getting to spend precious time catching up with my mother-in-law and seeing the way they live life now. Talk about sacrifice and selflessness. Those boys have all kinds of traumatic backgrounds and its manifesting in all kinds of different ways. But God is doing a mighty redemptive work in their lives and I have no doubt that they will grow up to be strong, Spirit filled men of God.

This quilt was made by the the K-3rd grade kids at church (each made a different square) for the boys at Josiah's House.

Singing their songs for the dedication.

It was a great trip and really good for me. I'm thankful to have spent the time with my in-laws, to get to know each of the boys and their different personalities, to see my awesome husband in action, to serve those whom I got to serve, to give my daughters that experience, and to learn what it truly means to be selfless. It doesn't mean having nothing, it means you quit worrying about yourself and focus on others. Period.

Mom and I enjoying the breeze. :)

Lovin' on the orphans at "Jackie's House"

As a season splinter removal professional, I pulled 8 sea urchen spines out of the foot of one of our youth girls. 

La Familia. :)

I'm also thankful to those who took amazing care of my babies. :) They were loved and well taken care of. And it felt so good to all be back together again.

This was taken by our babysitter once all four littles were reunited at the house the day we came home.

Its hard to say when we'll get back down to the Dominican Republic. I hope its not too long. And I hope the things I learned there will change me forever.