A letter to my daughters about makeup

I have 5 girls.

FIVE. Girls.

Ages 4 to {almost} 12. Kate will always be the baby but she's no longer a baby. Ashley will always be the oldest but she's not yet a teenager. Which means there are five. kid. girls.

Mostly, we're nicely balanced by Micah and Daddy but some days I feel like we're all going to be washed out the door in a wave of lipgloss, glitter spray and cheap strawberry shortcake scented nail polish.

Its a constant goal of mine to live in the moment but plan for the future. So I enjoy being the one to fix their hair and paint their little nails as long as I can. But there's an awareness in the back of my head that someday I'm going to have five. teenage. girls. Pray for me.

And specifically on the point of makeup, I have several things I want to say to them. My oldest will be in middle school this year and is thrilled at the thought of wearing even a teenie bit of makeup. So I'm printing this letter for her and making copies for each of my girls down the road. We do/will have lots of ongoing conversation on this stuff too but I want them to have this reminder to tuck in their rooms and remember. For you like-minded moms of girls, I hope this helps get you started with your own conversations. And God speed. ;)

"Sweet girl,

Ok, lets talk makeup.

I love makeup. But you already know that. Maybe its the artist in me but I love the colors and the brushes and the creams... Its so much fun!

And you should know that you come from a long line of makeup loving southern women who never left the house "without my face on". ;) I used to sit and watch Nana brush mascara into those long lashes of hers and pay attention when she'd tell me that "eye liner should only go in the outer third of your bottom lashline." Grannie knows every woman at the beauty counter by name and I would always gladly receive the little Clinique freebies she'd give me, even after I was married and having children. It's a given among the women in my family that if a shade you purchased doesn't work for you, you better pass it along for one of the rest of us to try. And if it does work, we want to know it!

And even back to your great great grandmother, Victoria-- there are stories of her religiously taking off her makeup at night and slathering her face in cold cream or vaseline. Legend has it, she never had a wrinkle. ;) 

Makeup is fun. I don't mind for you to try new things and play around with it. Sticking as close as possible to the color palette that God gave you in your own tones will always be prettiest. Some friends might encourage you to wear more makeup. And some might even tell you that its bad to wear makeup.

But here's the deal.

What I always want you to remember is that true beauty comes from your spirit. Being in the Lords presence will make you radiate in a way that no makeup can.

"...let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

Does makeup make you physically prettier? It can, yes, if done right. 

Are you already beautiful on the outside? Of course. 

Do you need makeup? Absolutely not. 

Is it wrong to wear make up? Not if your heart is in the right place.

As with anything, you need to keep your heart in check first. Am I ok with my appearance with no makeup? Is my identity solely in Christ and not how blonde my eyelashes are or how many pimples are on my face?

If those things are in check, by all means, have fun with it. Use it to make those blue eyes pop and to give you more confidence when you've got a huge blemish on your forehead. Shiny up those lips, girly. :)

Just remember that there is no amount of makeup that can cover an ugly heart or a bad attitude. And no amount of blush or shimmer can make you shine like a right spirit with the Lord, who's confidence is in Christ.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Prov. 31:30

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." Phil. 2:14-15

Also, makeup should not, will not (nor should you want it to) change your face. Only accentuate it. Your face is a distinctly beautiful mix of features that are inherited from both sides of our family. Makeup should celebrate those features, not hide them. 

Ads and photos of models and celebrities are photoshopped and fake. Those women aren't real and don't define beauty. The only perfect is you in the mirror. You are perfect the way God made you.

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Sol. 4:7

Lastly, I need to say this. Sometimes makeup can make young girls look older than they really are. And its my job and Daddy's to protect you while you're under our covering. So please respect our opinion if we suggest that something is too dark, to bright, or just too much. We aren't trying to be mean. We want you to slow down and be the age you are. Wearing makeup will be a privilege that grows as we see that you can use it properly. And if you're not sure about something, just come ask me. It won't be long before you'll be the one telling me, "Mom, this mascara is way better, try this one." ;)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want you to enjoy your pre-teen/teenage years. Have fun, be smart, be responsible and show the world the Christ that's in you. Makeup is great. But its just a thing. Make sure that thing is in its proper place.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." I Tim. 4:12

Beautiful girl, I love you with all my heart and I am for you, always.

Love,

Mom

The Remedy

I'm a fourth generation homekeeper. It might even go back further than that, but I can at least testify that my mom, grandmother and great grandmother were all wives, moms, and homekeepers. I'm a little old fashioned at heart and I love that there's a new generation of women trying to go back to the way their grandmothers did things. I mean, in my family we pass down things like our recipe for Frito Casserole (except its not the same thing if you don't say it with a southern accent) or how to fry okra. But that's not what I'm talking about. Lots of women are going back to gardening, couponing, using natural remedies, and cleaning with what's in the pantry. In fact, in a world of Pinterest and Crunchy Betty, "going granola" is pretty trendy.

But rather it be old-fashioned, crunchy, granola, hippie or none of the above: as a wife, mom and homekeeper, I'm always trying to keep my family healthy. With as few chemicals and drugs as possible. And on a budget. With the occasional Frito Casserole or run through taco bell. (gasp!) Hey. Don't judge.

Ya know... in this day and age, it's not easy. 

You either do no research at all and live in ignorant bliss (which I don't feel is super wise) or every time you turn around, you find out something you're buying or consuming is killing you. Or causing eczema in small children. Where's the balance? There's almost too much information out there, and not all of it accurate. 

We just don't live in the same world our grandparents did. We live in a world where autism, cancer, childhood obesity, ADD and even allergies are all on the rise. Just to name a few things. All of my grocery stores carry foods that aren't actually food at all and even the produce is laced with toxins. And while things are labeled "natural" I still have to do my homework because even "natural" products could be harmful to my family. And you can have the internet equivalent of a public stoning just for mentioning rather or not you've chosen to vaccinate your children. No comment.

And while I want to do the very best I can by my family, I try not to obsess over it. I'm not going to let fear control me. We buy some organic food, try not to buy too many processed foods, and cook from scratch as much as I can. I make my own laundry detergent and cleaners (because its cheaper and healthier). And recently, I'm trying to replace our medicine cabinet with essential oils. I make my own lotion, but I'm sure if you look in my bathroom cabinets you'll find something with a paraben in it. (gasp again!) But you know what?  I do what I can to walk in wisdom while ultimately putting my trust in the Lord.

I haven't been using essential oils forever, really just in the last few months. But so far, I really love what I've been using. We've used them for eczema, fevers, sore throats, snotty noses, strep, diaper rash, headaches and PMS. And I'm doing some research on how they can help Micah and Abby focus when they're at church and school. Jake still prefers his excedrine migraine and cold medicine. And if something serious crops up, I'm not against picking up some antibiotics as needed. But for the most part, we're trying to take care of business-- medical business-- naturally. With essential oils, balanced with other things like organic apple cider vinegar and raw organic coconut oil.

But.

Not surprising of our culture, I'm noticing a tipping scale. People getting a little obsessive. Looking to oils or even just natural remedies for ev.er.y.thing. Its like a game. "What oil can I use for...?" And dare I even say it, using essential oils for spiritual purposes. I'm not talking about everyone that's using them. But its out there. And I feel that if I'm going to encourage others to use essential oils as a part of their medicine cabinet (because I love them!) I feel a responsibility to clarify what I'm encouraging the use for. Does that make sense?

Now, let me be clear. When I say spiritual... I don't mean psychological. I realize there are real chemical/hormonal/emotional/psychological reasons to use medical intervention via essential oils, pharmaceuticals, or whatever you choose. Depression, addiction, sensory processing disorder... these (and more) are very real diagnoses that are miserable to go through. And there are medicines and certainly oils that help with them, if not cure it altogether.

(Now, what I'm about to say does not apply to someone who is not a born-again believer. If you've not found Jesus, the following paragraphs do not apply to you. But I would encourage you to start a relationship with Jesus Christ because you'll find more fulfillment in Him than anyone/anything else you've ever tried or ever could try. I promise.)

But for the born-again, Bible believing, Spirit-filled, follower of Christ. There is not anything on this planet that should replace us going to our God and creator for our ultimate spiritual fulfillment and healing. He alone should be our all in all.

Can we use the resources He's given us to treat the illnesses of this world? Yes. Absolutely.

Should we use the brain in our heads that He's given us to make wise choices? Of course.

But what do we turn to first?

Are we using these things to give ourselves a sense of power and control over our circumstances? 

And to take it a step further, should we be using oils for spiritual enlightenment (whatever you think that might mean) or to achieve a deeper inner peace and self worth? 

Shaky ground my friends. Shaky ground. 

There is nothing that should replace the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm not big on religion. I'm big on relationship. With the true and living God. The maker of heaven and earth. Who see's my heart and knows my thoughts. Who loved me enough to send His one and only Son do pay for my sins. By Who's stripes I'm healed.

I'm not going to get super legalistic and outline what I feel is acceptable and unacceptable concerning... any of this. But can I ask you this? Please don't just read blogs, or trust in something someone on a FB group said or recommended, or listen to someone... who's selling something. Check God's Word. Find out what trusted and Godly friends and leaders think about it. And most importantly, pray about it. Check your own heart and ask the Lord to show you anything in your life that you're putting more trust in than Him. And if it causes you to sin-- and putting anything before Him is sin-- remove it. (Mark 9:43)

Today I was talking through some of this with a close friend. A fellow mom that strives to hear the Spirit of the Lord over the noise of our toddlers. She had a great point and said it so beautifully (as she usually does) with these words. "We want an answer that we ourselves can administer, removing the need for Christ. But we veil it in nobility of doing the natural best thing for our family. He is the cure. The remedy. First. Always." She texted those words to me and I stared at them for a long time. She absolutely hit the nail on the head.*

And listen people, I'm preaching to myself over here. If I'm so consumed with essential oils, "natural remedies", healthy living, organic food, being gluten free, being sugar free, clean eating or any other way of eating... or anything else for that matter... Facebook, emails, getting to the gym, my friends, what my friends think, my job, my parenting philosophy, my blog, my hobby, my home, even my kids... I don't care how good and right it is. If we're putting it before the Lord, its time for a change. Time to repent and rearrange the priorities. 

I hope I'm able to communicate through these written words, with no tone or voice inflection being heard, the love with which I say these things. God is a God of love, mercy and grace. But He is also a jealous God with a fierce love that is serious about things that come before Him in our lives. I can't tell you what that means for you specifically. But I can tell you that we are not without measures for checking.

These are perilous times in which we live. (2 Tim. 3:1) Let's seek to do the the very best by our families, watching over the ways of our household. (Prov. 31:27) Let's run the race, not looking to the right or left. (Hebrews 12:1) Let's be of sober mind, testing everything. (I Peter 5:8, I Thes. 5:21) And hey. Lets do it together.

And should the Lord tarry, I'd love to raise up a new generation of sober minded, vigilant, God fearing wives, mothers and homekeepers who know: Christ is the Remedy.

*You can read more of my friend Sarah's beautiful words over on her blog, My Awefull Life

Naptime talk

Laying Mabry down for nap today, we had a sweet conversation that I want to record so I don't ever forget.

The girls nap better in separate rooms, so she climbed up into Micah's bed like she does every day, jabbering and asking a million questions. Kate goes down first because she naps longer, so Mabry and I usually have a little quiet time each afternoon to talk or read or sing or answer Mabry's million questions until I reach, "... I don't know the answer to that. Now it's time to sleep."

As she laid down I pulled up a throw blanket and said, "This blankey was Grannie and Papaws." I said it half just to hear myself say it--because of my own sentimentality--and half to see how Mabry would respond. Dreading the day she forgets.

"Oh. Does Papaw lives in Heaven now and Grannie lives in... whats its called?"

"Texas. Grannie lives in Texas." Only slightly choking on my words. Papaw only passed a little over a year ago and Grannie just moved this past fall. It's still a little fresh when I've been used to having them both down the street the last 14 years.

"Oh that's right. Texas. What about she's house here?"

"She sold it and somebody else lives there now remember? She moved to Texas with our family there," I replied.

"Well what color is it?" She said it as if it were equally as confusing and important as why Grannie moved.

Trying to give a serious reply through my smile, I said "I don't know but I think some day we can go see her and find out what color it is." Then pausing I added, "And someday we'll ALL go see Papaw and what color his house in heaven is too."

Very pleased with that answer she smiled, "Ok mommy. Now can you sing to me? 'Create in me a clean heart'."

Then I sang. Then I kissed her. Then she gave me three kisses back.

And I closed the door tearing up just a little knowing that life changes. And kids grow up. And people go to heaven. And to Texas.

Finishing out 2012

Well, hello there little blog. I promise I haven't forgotten you.

The month of time since my last post has been... one to remember.

We had a truly wonderful Christmas. Celebrating with Jakes family first, we had "Christmas" mid-December before they had to go back to the Dominican Republic. What a precious time. My mom and dad -in law- are so loved and missed. It truly did good to my heart to spend that time with them.

Santa's 8 reindeer! Otherwise known as the Spencer and Westbeld kids. ;)

Then came a rush of winter sickness. The four youngest all got strep throat. Then Jake had strep and the flu. And I had been feeling down... like, really down... but didn't find out until last week that it was Mono. :( Yuck. And anyway, all the kids except for Ashley came down with some sort of flu-like bug. A few days of a pretty low fever, feeling miserable, sort of a cough... but I don't think it was the actual flu.

Antibiotics anyone?

As always, we spent Christmas morning just our family. Among the hit toys this year: Ashley got a Furby, Emily a Barbie house, Micah a blow up ball pit, Abby a baby with a potty (in hopes she'll pick up the hint!), Mabry and Kate some accessories for their baby dolls.

And around lunch all the extended family (my side this time) came over. My mom got married this year, so this was our first Christmas with some new extended family. Plus my brother was in town. And because David (my mom's husband) has a wheelchair accessible van, my grandparents were able to come over, Papaw's wheelchair and all. The whole bunch of us under one roof. We all agree'd that it was one of the best Christmas' for our family. Such a sweet time we had together.

4 Generations :)

Jake passing out gifts

Nana (my mom) and Emily

Papaw and me

My brother Colby, my mom and me

My Christmas cards didn't go out until 4 days after Christmas. And because I wrote the addresses on all of them with wrong "orientation" (sideways), several came back. So if you usually get a Christmas card from me but didn't this year, sorry about that.

For New Years, our "Cheers Group" group came over. (Thats what our church calls small groups. Ya know, "where everybody knows your name") :) We made some yummy food, played some games, and laughed til our sides hurt. And at midnight, we tooted our noise makers on the front porch like a bunch of teenagers (and could be heard by every neighbor for a couple of blocks, I'm sure), but it was more fun than I've had in a long time! We sure love our group of friends and are so thankful for them. Its so cool to see the body of Christ being the body of Christ to one another and loving each other well.

Our whole bunch a' crazies. :)

Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers!

Got to kiss this guy at midnight. :)

(I also posted a little clip from our crazy night on my YouTube channel. You can check it out by clicking on my YouTube link to the right.)

So after all the beauty and wonder of Christmas... 

and all the joy and laughter of New Years...

came something I was not prepared for. Something I need to work up the strength to write about. 

On January 2nd, my sweet, amazing, beloved Papaw went to be with Jesus. I'll share the story of that soon. And will hopefully find even more healing in telling it. For now I can say that God is good and we are all doing ok. We don't mourn like those who have no hope. (I Thes. 4:13)

But I miss my Papaw.

And that's a story for ... soon. But not now.

~~~


To all who read my humble little un-kept, infrequently updated blog- I pray that you and yours had a blessed 2012, a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. From our family to yours....

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 5

#1) I'm thankful for my church small group (we call them Cheers Groups) with friends who love the Lord, love laughter, love life, and are as nutty as Jake and I are.

#2) I'm thankful that my grandparents live in the same town and I can take my babies over to their house during the day to know their great grandparents. Mabry LOVES to go visit Grannie and Papaw.

#3) I'm thankful that no matter what twists and turns life brings, my mom is-- and will always be-- one of my best friends. :)