His feet

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

We've been in Knoxville for exactly 2 months. The boxes are unpacked, curtains ordered and hung, the pictures are on the walls. The biggest tell-tale sign that we've just moved in is the already-tattered temporary paper blinds in the windows. But even the "real" blinds have ordered and will be in in a couple of weeks.

If you've just happened upon my little blog, we're here because we're planting a church with two other families. It's been a wild step of faith into the unknown for us all. But I wouldn't necessarily characterize it as scary either. When you know that you've taken a step that the Lord asked of you, there's a comfort in knowing He'll carry you through it. And this beautiful place has a way of making you fall in love. The river, the foothills of the Smokies, the abundance of parks... there's beauty all around us. And that's saying a lot if you know the gorgeous area we came from.

We're having regular Sunday services already; as well as a weeknight dinner and study for the college students/young adults. We've also been meeting with some of the families we've connected with here, having them over for dinner. I've met some pretty amazing people and I feel incredibly blessed at the thought of these people being our new community. And we've been so blessed to have friends and family from Nashville come to visit. It always does my heart so much good to see familiar faces.

All of these things happen here. In our home. If you know me at all, I love that! My heart is hospitality, it almost energizes me. I want to open my home. I worked hard to get it settled quickly because I knew that our house would be a hub for our little church community for a while. And its been so fun. It is truly a joy to be His hands and feet.

We are living and breathing community and fellowship. There are no big programs or ministries set yet. Everything we do involves coffee, face to face communication and loud kids running up and down the stairs. :) We're doing life together-- praying for any random thing that comes up, big or small. We share everything from kids clothes, to shopping finds, to leftovers that get divvied up and sent home after meals. This is such a precious time being the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and we are soaking it in. 

And every part that I'm responsible for in our home, I want to be diligent and do it to the best of my ability. I want to be Martha Stewart. And Paula Dean. And Charlotte Mason. And Anne Voscamp. And Beth Moore. And, and, and...

My spirit is willing and overjoyed.

And then. my flesh steps in. *facepalm* 

Its crazy how quickly you can go from serving to controlling. From being prepared to being obsessive. My heart is to create a warm (and clean) environment, prepare food, and welcome friends and family. But somehow, now and then, minutes before company arrives, I feel pressure. My inner control freak steps in. I bark orders at my kids and snap at my poor husband. And when our precious guests arrive, I open the door and it feels like I'm welcoming Jesus. I find myself in the midst of a (fairly) clean house and a prepared meal, but I am feeling exhausted and convicted. The enemy whispers that he just had a little victory and he laughs.

But then the voice of Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

The Lord is so sweet to deal gently with me. One Sunday (I think it was actually our first Sunday) before service, we were getting the house ready. We all moved around furniture, made coffee and prepared snacks, Krystal and Alex went over their songs for worship, and we brought chairs in and set them up in our living room. After all the chairs were all nicely lined up, I saw that the back of them were dirty. Like, gunky dirty. So I grabbed a dish cloth and got to work. As it got close to time for people to arrive, Jake called together our team to pray for the service. But I wasn't done. And as our team all stopped what they were doing-- I prayed as I scrubbed chairs. And I kept on scrubbing after prayer was over. The chairs were clean(er) but as I finished and looked at them, I felt the Lord nudge me. I remembered the story of Mary and Martha. I didn't feel guilty, I felt convicted and that's how I knew it was the Lord. So I tucked it in my heart for later. 

That night I read Luke 10 and thought about Mary. God reminded me that sometimes, instead of being His hands and feet, I have to stop. And sit at His feet. Diligence, hard work, hospitality: these are good things. Romans 12:13 literally says to practice hospitality. But it begins in the heart. Wearing myself out so that I have nothing left to offer is not hospitality.

I'm not saying I won't still clean up or do all I can to prepare my home. Around here, it only takes a matter of hours for the baseboards to be hidden by laundry, the floor a landmine of legos and naked barbies and the dishes to overflow. I love my children but they are professional house dirtiers.

What I am saying is this. I'm purposing to prepare my heart as much, if not more than I prepare my home. After all, we don't invite people in because we have it all together. We invite people in so we can love one another as fellow followers of Jesus. (Or to share with those who don't know Him.) And in the process we find that sitting together is to sit as His feet, just as Mary did. 

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20

~~~

Do you host a small group, entertain often, or just have a heart for hospitality? She Reads Truth has an awesome series on Hospitality that is a precious resource. I'm not paid to say that or anything, I just really love their stuff. ;)

We're here!

Well, this is it. My first post as a Knoxville resident. My heart still speeds up a bit at that thought! For the first time since I was 15, I don't live in the Nashville area. So crazy!

And though it isn't exactly far (right at 3 hours away), it's different here. The people, the culture, even the landscape. Its definitely not better or worse, its just all a little different. I'm equal parts missing my home town and falling in love with my new one.

I can't believe we've already been here for 15 days.

We had a great move! (Thanks to our two amazing real estate agents! We highly recommend Jenny Fann in Spring Hill and Troy Stavros in Knoxville!) :) As we were closing and making the drive to Knoxville, we were hearing that there might be some winter weather coming.

We spent one night here in a hotel and when we got up to close on the new house, we were greeted with a thin blanket of white! We bundled up the kids and headed to the title office, the electric company and then over to our new home to wait on the moving trucks. All the while the snow just kept falling.

We were pretty concerned that the road conditions would be too bad for our movers coming in from Nashville, but... the kids thought the snow was magical. And I have to admit--that hour (or however long it was) that we sat on sleeping bags in front of the fireplace... in our echoing, empty house... with our Jersey Mikes picnic... watching the snow fall outside... it was magical. A sweet kiss from the Lord.

The movers finally showed up and in classic Spencer fashion, our magical moment moved straight into high energy excitement and chaos. They obviously have to keep the doors open to move the furniture in, so the downstairs was every bit as chilly as it was outside--while the snow was still falling and really starting to accumulate! Those poor guys were freezing while unloading the trucks and had to inch their way down the truck ramp not to slip. And I spent the next several hours directing them through the house, drinking more coffee than is healthy just to stay warm, mopping up the steady stream of melted snow on my new hardwoods, stressing about my kids running in and out of the snow without any gloves or appropriate snow clothes, and blow-drying one of the kids' mattresses that had rainwater poured on the side of it from a leak in the truck door.

Micah took it upon himself to take pictures of our movers, but now I'm glad he did!

The kids met several neighbor kids outside in the snow, all close to their ages. I love how children can go from being compete strangers one minute to building trenches with sideways sleds and having street-wide snowball fights in no time. It took everything in me to overlook the fact that my kids were trembling cold and probably going to be sick (and they never were) because they were making friends and memories. Thank you Lord. For health and friends. ;)

Kate and Abby passed out after a long day of moving.
And bundled up because it was COLD!!

Since that day, I started working and haven't really stopped. The boxes are almost completely unpacked and a few things are even on the walls. Because our house will be sort of a home base for the church for a little while, it was important to me that it be welcoming and cozy, quickly. And I believe in my heart that if the kids love their rooms and feel good about them, it does their hearts good during this new phase.

We've had lots of visitors since we moved in. Both of the other families moving with us to start the church have had home inspections, so they've been through. (Minus Sarah and the girls! We missed you!) Along with some family and some practically-family. :)

And there's been no time wasted in making connections with families here and UT students. People have brought us dinner; we've had people over for dinner. We've even had a game night. Our family table has officially been christened here with friends and family sharing meals, laughter, cards and the loud singing of "somebody's going down". If you don't know what that is, you need to come play cards with us!

Last but certainly not least, the kids are all trying to settle into our new school routines. Micah and Abby are liking their new school and I had two great IEPs there. The other 4 are homeschooling and that's going ok. Probably best saved for another post. :)

Though its hard and feels strange not to share even more, I'm going to try and leave church updates to that blog. The church is so much a part of our lives, it's almost impossible to seperate. The Lord is doing so many amazing things and I could spend all my time telling those stories. But I'm saving those to be told to a broader audience than my humble blog. But please check out our sweet send-off from our home church here. And follow along there for updates. Its going to be so fun to watch what God does next.

As for me and my house, we're here and getting settled so we can serve the Lord!



"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Because we're selling the house

Sometimes when the kids are on break, I wake up early with that panic feeling that we overslept and they're going to be late for school. Sort of the same feeling I used to get just a few short years ago when I would wake up on my own (as in, not by a baby) in panic that my baby missed a feeding. I'm curious if there's a parenting phase where waking up on your own doesn't cause panic...

But after I jolted up this morning, I had to remind myself. The kids are on break... Yesterday we had a wonderful Thanksgiving... Today Jake wants to put in an offer on the Knoxville house... Grannie is in town and we're meeting her and mom... We have a house showing at 10:30... {pausing to listen for kids}... And the kids are already up and destroying their room... Resume panic. Because we're selling the house!!

But first, coffee.

After my cup of coffee and a not-so-quiet time with the Lord, it was go time. I got myself, the kids, and the house cleaned up. In that order. With 6 cats, I mean kids, it works best in that order. 

Most of the day was fairly successful. Fairly successful...

*sigh* 

This House

I'm not sure there is a way to keep this house clean, the children in line and be nice. I'm just sayin. I feel like a crazy woman barking out orders and trying to juggle 43.7 things at the same time. Because we're selling the house, I have to go overboard with all cleaning/toy pickup efforts. Its only been a week and a half and I'm already tired.

The New House

Jake is amazing to take care of things on that end. He keeps me in the loop even when I know it would be easier just to make executive decisions and keep moving. He stops to consider important things, where I would just make an impulsive choice. He's doing all of this while trying to build new relationships and a new church, launch a website, and prepare a sermon for like, oohhh two days from now. No big deal. *note sarcasm* 

And I know when I am focused, the kids nagging and arguing is like a drum that beats on my last nerve. But he's been so patient. Oh and he got Christmas tree today. *sigh* He's super man. I have to remind myself that's a good thing and it doesn't make me lamer. (I just made up that word.)

The Kids

One of my children, who I'm sure wishes to remain nameless, is struggling. Not constantly. But little things like where we put the Christmas tree (because we're showing the house) and how few decorations we bring out (because we're showing the house) and how we aren't hanging stockings yet (because we're showing the house)... these things are difficult for her. And while she does her best to process and move on, I can see that in her mind, all these things relate back to one thing/problem. You guessed it. We're selling the house. 

The Emotions

Just when I think I've successfully juggled all the balls... 

I cleaned the kids.

I cleaned the house.

We lived through Cracker Barrell, only made a little bit of a scene.

I got to talk to Grannie... some.

After lunch, we set up a Christmas tree.

We went over the house offer to be sure it all looks good.

I went over the budget-- because, holidays. And kids. And because we're selling the house.

I did my best to meet the emotional needs of my child/children who are struggling today.

I decorated the house for Christmas.

I/we decorated the Christmas tree.

And...

Because we're showing the house, I didn't use our crazy brightly colored ornaments-- the ones with Popsicle sticks and finger paints and names in sharpie. Instead I pulled out the ornaments from the first couple of Christmas' we were married. The pretty amber colored ball ornaments I registered for. And I pulled out the blown glass ovals I bought myself before we were married and the metal, porcelain and glass angels I used to collect. 

I was doing it because we're showing the house. And as I told Jake my plan, my voice caught in my throat. The sentimentality of those ornaments and the weight of the day sank in and I just cried.

Because we're selling the house.

~~~

Hopefully tomorrow we'll hear if our offer has been accepted or if there's a counter offer. So when I wake up I'm going to remind myself that its going to be an awesome day. Full of potential. Possibly some showings. Possibly some chaos. Possibly some emotion. And then I'm going to drink my coffee and have some not-so-quiet time and give thanks to God because He's called us into relationship with Him.

Jake, myself, the kids... we aren't doing this alone. He's walking with us through the showings, with us through the chaos, with us through the emotion. In these days between Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to reach out with each hand and touch the reminders of both: to give thanks  because Emmanuel means God with us. He called us to do this thing and He didn't mean do it alone. 

I want to surrender every moment and walk every step with the Lord. Therefore, I will not be overcome with the little things or the big ones. Because we're selling the house.

Our Next Big Adventure

This blog is about the many hats I wear. I'm a pastors wife, mom of a large family, adoptive parent and I'm raising two children with special needs. It's purpose is to share about these different aspects of my life and how they work together. All the while keeping friends and family updated and a mothers heart reflective with the story telling... 

Well... we're entering our next big adventure and I've got a new story to tell. 
Another side of Amy, if you will. 
Church planters wife.

This is story much larger than me, but it's from my perspective. So let me go back a little ways.

Jake has been in ministry for almost as long as we've been together. What started as a passion to be discipled and to know God more, turned into a mentorship with our pastor and volunteering with the Jr High kids. Just before we got married, that grew into part time youth ministry (and part time still working at the steel plant). As our little family grew, that became full time youth ministry and ordination. And Youth Pastor over Jr High eventually turned into Jr and Sr High Youth Pastor and ministry head over the Youth Department. Then pouring into and discipling friends and youth volunteers turned into passing all of it to new Jr and Sr High youth leaders and taking on a new roll of Associate Pastor. (Just before our own oldest daughter started Jr High. Talk about full circle.)

When that kind of personal growth happens simultaneously with a church that grew from 200 people in a school gym to thousands of people on a 150 acre campus, you learn a lot along the way.

And at some point along that journey, The Lord started stirring. Jake began preaching for our senior pastor when he had to be gone. The congregation got to hear what I'd been listening to in youth group for years. A man who has a gentle but fierce heart for The Lord and people. And God started stirring a passion and vision in Jake. I didn't know what it would look like or when it would happen but I knew God was stirring Jakes heart for a specific purpose.

My husband has a gift to teach God's Word. And believes in his core that Jesus called his followers to make more followers. And I'm not just talking about having children-- although we clearly believe in that too. ;) Jake has a passion and gift for discipleship. His heartbeat is to love people well, to make disciples and to teach them to make disciples. All through the vehicle of community and doing real life together.

The last two years have been a wild roller coaster of hearing and not hearing from God, knowing He's calling us out but not sure of what or where specifically, and then a flood of open doors, connections and confirmations. To tell all the details of the last two years and how the Lord called us would be to write a memoir. And some of it is deeply personal. But the Lord is so good. Though we couldn't always see it, He's been busy working, redeeming, pruning, growing and preparing.

But the outcome of our journey is really the beginning of a new one.

God has called us to plant a church in Knoxville.

Whew, it's still surreal to say!!

And He's not just calling us. The friends He's called to go with us... are so much more than friends. They're our people, our community. They're who we do life with. And our passion is the same. To love God and love others, to obey whatever The Lord calls us to do and to go where He tells us to go. And we truly can't wait to see who joins us along the way.

People usually have the same questions, so I'm going to try to address each of them here.

"Why Knoxville?" Well because the Lord said so. :) Jake loves ministering to college kids. And the Lord gave us a vision to plant a church that eventually plants more churches. A college town is a great place to do that, so that's what first brought Knoxville onto the radar. And there have been lots of connections and relationships there. The Lord randomly bringing people across our path... the stories are incredible. Stuff only God can do. And remember that Jake was in youth ministry for years and some of the kids he had went on to UT. The more we prayed and investigated, the more it became evident that the Lord was speaking loud and clear. It's time to take Grace Chapel to Knoxville.

The next big question is, "when?" And that depends on how quickly The Lord moves this process along. Jake has already begun making trips out there to get the ball rolling: following up on connections the Lord has already made, building relationships, and eventually getting some small groups started. (I could cry right now at the goodness of the Lord bringing new people across our path and opening doors.) It was announced to our church this morning and our house goes on the market Wednesday. But each and every step we're committed to seek The Lord and ask Him what's next. This is His thing not ours.

For me personally, people always ask, "how are the kids?" Our 4 youngest don't seem to be affected by it much at all. Their closest friends are in the families that are going with us (again, we do life together) so that helps a lot. And they think a new house sounds like an adventure. Micah and Abby will of course take some adjusting to a new school, but I'm confident that God with supply all their needs according to His riches and glory. :)

Emily is a very go-with-the-flow kiddo and she's taking it all in, focusing on the good. Her best friend moved away several years ago and they still keep in contact so I don't think she has much anxiety about moving away from her friends. Again, one of her closest friends now is going with us as well.

Ashley has been so mature processing it all. It'll be hardest on her, being 12, but she's always known that we go where God calls us and we take nothing for granted. Many of her questions, I have to answer with, "we'll have to trust God for that." And because she's been around the longest, so to speak, she's seen God provide for our family over and over again through the years. I think this will be an opportunity for her faith to be stretched as well.

The current plan is that we will homeschool Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate. Unless The Lord shows us otherwise. And I'm walking forward with open hands in that.

We're looking at west Knoxville. You see, Jake. loves. water. If he could chose anywhere to live, it would be on the water. And God is so good... As he was praying about rather or not the Lord was calling us to Knoxville, he realized that the Tennessee River and Fort Loudon Lake run right through the area where He's opening doors. And for me, still being in the Tennessee hills makes me feel right at home. (So note: don't be afraid to ask God for things. Sometimes He calls you to make big sacrifices while simultaneously filling the desires of your heart.) 

Its a bittersweet transition for me. I've lived in Spring Hill for 18 years (with the exception of our first married year in Franklin). I went to youth group in Thompsons Station, prom at Page and Spring Hill High, and graduated here with my homeschool class. I met my husband here, this is where we dated, where he proposed and we got married in Cool Springs. I birthed all 5 of my babies in Williamson Medical and this is where we brought Micah home. Both of our only 2 homes are in Spring Hill. This is home.

Except this isn't our home. Knoxville won't be our home either. Our home is in heaven. This life isn't about setting up camp, its about living for something greater than ourselves. Its about living for Jesus. And He called us to make disciples. He said that people would know His disciples by their love for one another. Home is where we are loving people, reaching the lost and making disciples.

My dream home is up on hill, with a perfect view of the mountains, a lake in the valley, a big front porch, all hardwood floors, clawfoot tub in my bathroom and a screened in porch in the back. ;) I have no doubt that's what the Lord is working on for me in heaven. And if I get a little taste of that on earth, awesome. But until He comes, there's work to be done. People need the hands and feet of Jesus to walk with them through their mess. I need people to walk with me through my mess! My kids need to be discipled themselves and my husband needs me to be supportive of his/our ministry. 

This next life adventure isn't going to be easy. Its probably going to be really really hard. I'm not always going to be up for the challenge. Some days I'm going to loose it and cry in my room for a while. I know this because we've been on adventures before. Not church planting specifically, but... we've seen our share of challenge. But God is faithful to His Word and when He calls (or allows) us to walk through something, He sustains us through it.

In Gods economy, the hard road is so much better than the easy one. It produces fruit in and around us and it Glorifies Him. What more could you ask for?

There's so much more I could say, but that covers most the update from the perspective of our family life. I will update my blog more, now that this is official and I have the freedom to do so. And you can follow the church updates at www.gracechapelknoxville.net 

For now, some prayer points for our family specifically:

~For a smooth transition for the kids

~That the Lord would be in every detail of selling our house

~That we would find just the right house in just the right area of Knoxville

~Stamina for Jake as he travels back and forth until we're there

~Wisdom as we look at schools for Micah and Abby

Thank you, precious friends and family who have loved us so well, for your prayers as begin this journey. To Jesus be the Glory.

Support Your Local Youth Pastor

In 36 hours I'll be at the Nashville Airport.

I'm not sure which is the bigger shocker here: that I'm going to Italy or that I'm going to be away from my family for fourteen days. My dad and stepmom are taking me and my sister on vacation!!!!

Its a long story, but I haven't seen my half sister in about 15 years. We were 6 and 16. And now, we're going on vacation to all catch up. For two weeks. Gallivanting through Italy. I mean is that the coolest family trip/reunion ever or what?? Its enough to make me want to use the word gallivanting again.

But lets get back to the mom-with-six-kids-under-eleven-and-two-have-special-needs-is-leaving-them-all-with-dad-for-two-weeks thing.

I feel like I should preface this by saying: I married super man. Or super dad. While some of our friends boast that they've never changed a poopy diaper- this guy has changed literally hundreds of diapers. And cleaned poop out of the carpet at 3am more than a few times. He's the guy that could write a small essay on the babywise nap/feeding schedule philosophy. He can give the babysitter full instructions while I'm still putting on make-up for a date night, and usually remembers to give more (and better) information than I do. He never calls to bug me when I go for a moms-night-out with my friends. And hey, he can settle tween girl sister drama.... I mean that alone should win some sort of peace prize.

But all that being said. I've never left all 7 of them together alone for two weeks.

So I've been prepping. Except this whole week before I'm gone, Jake's been gone at summer camp. And he's doing a two part sermon series for our church while our Senior pastor is out of town. (You can check out part 1 by clicking here.) Most of my "prepping" for the single-dad weeks had to be done before the single-mom week.

This. Is my master notebook that I've prepared for them.

Don't laugh. I've been working on this notebook for a few weeks and I finished it today.

~A calendar for the kids so they know what to expect on what days (I think my kids all kids do better when they know what to expect

~The weekly dinner plan

~Phone numbers: Emergency #'s, Ash and Em's friends' moms for scheduling play dates, neighbors, and the handful of people that can handle--and are willing to help with--Micah and Abby.

~List of who's babysitting and when (so that Jake can go into work some, though he's mostly working from home)

~Ashley and Emily's daily responsibility charts (because they know they're going to have to step it up a notch to help out while I'm gone)

Also, I stocked up the freezer with dinners for 2 weeks. Yesterday I cooked from 9am to 3pm without stopping. Which was only possible because of my rock star 8 and 10 year olds who entertained the four littles, helped me feed them lunch, and put them down for naps for me. Mini moms in training. 

That last picture is twice baked potatoes. I'm clarifying because it sort of looks like a body in our freezer.

Oh and I also had to pack for myself. Which I finished a couple days ago.

Not that I'm anxious or anything.

So no, I'm not in the hospital, or even off on some missions trip. I'm on vacation with my dad, sister, and stepmom. But if you think of it, pray for my husband and kids back home. 

Or if you're local, maybe call to see if you could pick up a kid. Or. 4. Or maybe you could drop off a pizza on the porch. Because these guys might need a hand without mom around the next two weeks. Anything you can think of to support your local youth pastor. ;)

[Always] New Territory

People ask me, "How do you make time to blog?" Well I don't. If I'm blogging, something else is usually not getting done. Like right now: sleeping. Or cleaning up the daily debris from the Spencer family tornado. But sometimes, I just need to write things out. And when I go back later to read them, I'm always glad I did. And if an occasional reader gets something out of it too, it's a bonus.

We had a long, full day. But I had a cup of coffee too late in the evening and I'm not tired. Everyone else is asleep. It's just me and the sound of spinning hamster wheels down the hall, buffered by the hum of the A/C.

The matter on my heart: parenting. Is parenting ever not on a moms heart? Always some new territory to cover.

For years now, it's been the world of toddler and preschoolerhood (is that a word?) and of course the varying array of developmental milestones in kids with DS (which is tricky but moves slowly enough to stay ahead of it, for the most part). But with my oldest girls, it's "mission: preadolescence". And all that it entails. It feels like I'm walking a balance beam. Trying to travel cautiously and carefully but also feeling thrusted forward like someone is pulling a rope around my waist. It's all coming so fast. Sweet girls that have always been my babies... are getting big. Like, "Hi Mrs Spencer is Ashley there I don't have my spelling list" big. And they're getting bigger every day. They've got personalities and friends and passions and wills and fears and questions. I'm dealing with emotional children and I'm an emotional person. 

Am I prepared for this journey? I should probably be reading books on talking with your kids about... stuff. Or taking a class or something. None of this was covered in Babywise. ;) But thank The Lord that I've got friends to walk this out with. I literally have no idea what I'd do without my circle of Mommas. They make me feel normal. We can compare notes and share stories. Or give tips on where to find beginner bras or decide which shorts are too short. And we can ban cell phones for our 4th graders together in solidarity. (Thank You Lord.) And I've got an amazing husband who's years in youth ministry come in crazy handy.

As much as I want to do the very best that I can to help my kids navigate this time; when it all comes down to it, my only goal is to point them to Jesus. Because I know that if they have Him, the rest will fall into place.

How to do that- how to point them to Jesus- isn't as easy as I thought it would be. 

I'm not a great example. I can only pray that they see Christ's mercy and forgiveness transforming me daily because I'm sure not the best example of daily Godliness. I blew it today. I'm gonna blow it somehow tomorrow and next week. And I know that if I'm not transparent enough-- if they don't see the process of me acknowledging my imperfections and how He forgives me and draws me back to Him... My faith will look phony. And they won't want anything to do with it. Or maybe even with me.

One side of the balance beam is friend, the other is mother. I have to find my footing somewhere in the middle. Knowing the relationship we are building on now is the one we will carry into the teen years. My own mom danced across that beam beautifully. She was my very best friend whom I'd tell everything. But I wouldn't dare break her rules because I knew there were consequences.

Friend. And. Mother. Confidant. Mentor. Disciplinarian. ....hmm. Lord You're going to have to carry me across this beam. Because the truth is, You are the very best of all of that. 

I don't have some beautiful literary bow to tie up this post. No sweet story or even scripture. Just a prayer. Lord carry me. Cover me. Cover my kids. Cover the parents out there that are navigating new territories. Mold each of us, parent and child alike, into Your image as we give ourselves to You. Do it all in the name of Your Son, we pray. Amen.

Habi-coles

"Mommy, I habi-cole?"

Excuse me?

I look up from my new post in the living room. Still trying to get rest, I've been camped out reading blogs, doing the one-eye-open-mommy-nap and watching reruns of Duck Dynasty. That is, in between the occasional attempt at potty training diaper change, meal, or playing referee in games of "who had it first" or  "we don't bite".

Jake is still on the youth retreat. Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate are all out with friends who are fellow Nazis in Operation Help Amy. So its just me, Micah and Abbs. And apparently... Barbie.

So *ahem* Barbie and I are minding our own business when my two little bundled up Eskimos come in from playing in the back yard. Rosy cheeked and out of breath from climbing up the deck stairs, they come up and lean against the side table next to my armchair and stare at me. I can tell they both want something. 

"Yeeees?" I ask.

Abby, being the unofficial spokes person says, "Mommy, I habi-cole?"

"What?"

"I HABI-cole." Then she gives me the forehead-tilted-forward, mom-you-know-what-I-mean-just-think-about-it face. "Habi-cole."

Deeply confused, I look to my non-verbal child as if he's going to offer some help.

And in perfect comedic timing, Micah looks from Abby to me, raises one eye brow, lifts his index finger and licks it.

Immediately I know.

"OH! Popsicle!!"

Both raising their hands touchdown-style, shout in unison, "Yay!"

Hahahahahaha.... oohh those two kill me. I didn't get a chance to snap a pic right then, but called them in for a picture a bit later. What a couple of goobers.

Unfortunately they had to settle for a baggy of pretzels because I've been out of... Habi-coles... since, ya know... August. But the whole scene was just too cute. Moments to remember...

Still

Well, I might as well blog about it. Since I have the time.

I mentioned it a bit in my last post. But here it is again.

I've got mono. :(

It all started before Christmas. I was feeling pretty miserable. But honestly, I was so on guard for flu symptoms, that I didn't stop to think what else could be wrong. I had no congestion. No runny nose. Not really a sore throat. But my neck hurt. Like... swollen kinda hurt. And my lower back hurt just a little. And I was getting migraines. 30 years and I've never had a migraine. Until now. But my biggest complaint- fatigue. I was so tired. All the time. But hey, I've got six kids. And it was Christmastime. Who wouldn't be tired?

But still, there was something there.

I told myself to deal with it and I moved on.

Until finally I got to the point that I knew something must be really wrong with me. And actually, the only reason I finally saw a doctor was because if something was wrong, I just wanted to know so I could start on an antibiotic or something and be done with it. Because like Sweet Brown says, "Ain't no body got time for that!" ;)

The doctor did a flu test and a strep test. Both were negative. But after barely touching the back of my neck, my doctor have a "Oooohhh, now I know what's wrong" followed by a "You're not gonna like this". Which, ya know, is always what you want to hear from your doctor.

She said the glands in my neck were sticking out. And that she thought it was mono, though it's rare for someone my age to catch it. I told her I'd had it several times in high school. She said that made sense. And to make a long story short, it's kind of been latent in my body and could really only be brought about by extreme stress or not taking care of myself.   .....Who me???? ;)

So they drew blood to confirm that it was mono and sent me home with a steroid.

~~~

After being on the steroid for those 7 days or whatever it was, I felt great. Totally fine. And when they called with the results of the blood test, she said it was already 4 weeks in. So I thought, great! I'm practically done with it!

Wroooooong.

A few days after my last steroid pill, my back started hurting again. And though low, I've had a fever the last couple of nights.

I still have mono.

And once again the thing that bothers me more than anything else- is the exhaustion. I can't function. And in this house, the mom has to function.

And if all that wasn't fun enough, Jake has a Sr. High winter retreat for 4 days. Which means....

Watch the amazing "SOLO MOMMY! As she swirls through the house cleaning and cooking while juggling six children IN THE AIR!! And for her next act she's going to swallow fire!"

But ya know, I can't do it. I physically cannot. And even if I physically could, I have to rest or this thing is never gonna be over.

So for once in my life, I swallowed my pride. And asked for help. (via facebook) Are you proud of me??!! You should be!! Its not easy for me! Why should people come do something for me when they are busy with their own lives? But my husband gently reminded me that I'm loved and that people want to help if they can. And he was right. Boy was he right.

I've got dinner coming every night this weekend. The 2nd grade class moms have lined up meals for the rest of the week. Yesterday a friend bought me groceries. Mallory is taking the baby girls for a couple of days, Ashley and Emily have been farmed out to friends (and teachers, actually) to play and sleepover. My neighbors even took Mabry to dinner last night and are going to do some laundry for me. And I've had lots more offers for help as well. I'm so blessed, I want to cry. God's people are awesome.

And now...

I can be still.

So until this thing passes (and I'm praying that day is coming soon), I'm going to accept the help with gladness. I'm going to rest the way I need to. I'm going to let the dust bunnies collect under the kitchen table and snuggle with my babies. Maybe the Lord will reveal a thing or two to this stubborn conquer-all mommy. Like how to be still.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Father God, teach me to be still and know that You alone are the great I am. Be exalted in this home... be exalted in my heart.

Tis the season?

I think all moms should get a vacation after Christmas. And I'm not talking about the kind where all your kids are home from school for two weeks.

I've talked to so many moms in the last 48 hours that are exhausted from this season. Its only the 13th. And I can totally relate. I told one of them last night that everyone should be very impressed if I haven't pulled out all of my hair by the end of December. 

I'm conducting an unintentional experiment with my phone- seeing how many reminders I can pack in without it exploding.

Ballet/Hip hop classes

Bible studies

Christmas shopping

Wrapping presents

Christmas productions (2 for one school, 1 for another, and 3 for church. Thankfully my kids aren't in the church ones, but I'm guessing Jake will have to work and I'd like to go to one of them.)

Christmas cards and all that that entails (taking pictures, ordering the cards, addressing and mailing)

$10 for 2nd grade service project by Friday

Canned goods for 2nd grade service project on Monday

Graham crackers for Kindergarten gingerbread house party by Monday

Fruit salad for 3rd grade party on Wednesday

Apple juice for 2nd grade party on Wednesday

Wrapped book for 1st grade party next Friday

Fruit tray for 1st grade party next Friday

Taking meals to friends who just had babies (because I can't imagine doing all this with a newborn)

And all this while still trying to keep up with day to day life with a half dozen kids.

4 of whom just got over strep.

Are we having fun yet?

~~~

So if you are one of those moms running around like a chicken with its head cut off... you are not alone. Go cry in your closet to the Lord for 10 minutes if you need to and dive back into the world of Christmas tree cupcakes, Tamiflu and snotty noses, wrapping teacher gifts, uploading videos of your kid singing Silent Night in the Christmas play to Facebook. Be patient as you wait in the long lines at Target with a crying baby as everyone glares at you. Try to act calm when your 3 year old pulls an ornament off the tree for the 589th time. Take a deep breath and remember the reason for the season.

The Prince of Peace.

Aaaahh, yeah remember Him? Lets let Him reign in our hearts and calm the crazy storms of the American Christmas season. Its not about all the rest of it anyway. Its about Him.

And come January, call me. We can have a girls night out. I'm sure we'll both need it.