Love One Another

Hello little blog. We haven't had much time together this past year. I long to update you and fill you with all the stories of life lived, so that someday I can come back and read them... and remember. But this year has been a different one. My life, a different one.

I've been thinking and reflecting a lot about the last year. And doing a lot of dreaming about the one ahead.

January marked one year in Knoxville. We are no longer settling in. We're here, settled. We're living our lives.

One year ago we packed up our lives and we moved here not just to start a church... but to be the church in a new community. We came to push up our sleeves, to love well and to serve however we can.

I'm really not sure what I expected to find in return. I don't think I had any expectations actually. But what we've found... is home.

Knoxville is my home. The people that the Lord has brought together here are family. Eternal family. Fellow lovers of Jesus. Sojourners to walk with as we link arm in arm through this fragile, precious life on earth. An incredible fellowship of believers that has loved us and loved one another so well.

My perspective of this grafting of family is far more awe-inspiring than I could possibly describe with words. It's nothing short of Holy. I've watched as the Lord has drawn (and is continuing to draw) these precious people into this body of believers in the most incredible ways. And I've watched as they pull together to meet the physical and spiritual needs of one another and of the community.

Like renovating a friend's dance studio when she needs help,

pulling together to take meals to neighbors with a new baby and no family in town,

rejoicing together over engagements and weddings,

praying over the phone for each others children,

gathering at the lake loaded down with kayaks, coolers, kids and dogs,

sitting on back patios way too late, laughing so hard we can't breathe,

talking about the gifts of the Holy Spirit over cheeseburgers and shared fries,

helping with moves across town,

emergency room visits and group texts with updates,

walking along side friends who's loved ones transitioned to heaven,

and SO much more.

It brings me to my knees in awe of a great God who loves His children and wants to show us His love. And His vehicle to show us that love? One another.

Don't get me wrong. It hasn't been a cake walk. It's been hard. People are messy. I'm messy. Life is messy. And complicated. This time here has not been without its growing pains and learning curves. But this side of heaven, those things are unavoidable. And we choose to push through it. To drop offenses, to humble ourselves, and to love well. We choose to walk with one another through the messy and muddy. Like Jesus did. Like Jesus does.

Our precious church is growing and thriving. Grace Chapel Knoxville has become a family of believers, loving and encouraging one another. One of Jake's first series' was called "Life Together" we. are. living it! We lived a lot of life together last year! Our hearts have been and are being knit together in ways we never could have foreseen. Life is better lived together. 

What a wonderful day when we can all be together in Heaven, finally, gloriously, home.

But until then, our home on earth is wherever God takes us... acting justly, loving mercy, walking humbly... breaking bread in our homes, sharing our faith with the lost, and making disciples of Jesus. Doing it all together.

Its not just something to hear of, read about or long for. It can be done. It might will be messy, but it's so worth it to love one another.

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man...  Acts 17:24 

Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. John 14:23

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. Acts 2:46

By this all people will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35

Eleven Years Ago Today

Eleven years ago today.... I was a 22 year old wife and mom of an almost 2 year old. And I was VERY pregnant with my second baby, 2 weeks out from my due date. The pregnancy was going well, much like my first one.

My first trimester was marked by nausea, it was all I could do to keep food down. And in my last trimester the doctor said my water was a little low. But I was also probably a little dehydrated. It was June after all.

My friends had just thrown me a sweet little baby shower. They went in together to get me matching bedding because my two little girls would be sharing a room. (I’ll never forget those beautiful pink and green Pottery Barn roses.)

I was thrilled that my little Ashley was going to have a sister. I would sing to my belly and rock my squirmy baby knowing that time was ticking until I could hold her in my arms.

Meanwhile on the other side of the world…

A 35 year old Ukrainian woman named Tatiana was in a hospital in Odessa in the final hours of labor. She was having her firstborn, a son. She was probably filled with excitement as every new mom is.

Maybe she had spent months fighting morning sickness. Maybe she was drinking tons of water to stay hydrated through her June due date. Maybe she had just had a baby shower, filling a nursery with blue. Maybe she would rock her belly and sing.

She was in a bit of a touristy vacation destination. So maybe she was on one last beach trip with her husband before becoming parents when the unexpected happened and her water broke.

Or it’s possible they lived there, wealthy enough to own a condo on the beach. Maybe she had her bags packed right by the door and as her husband lovingly timed her contractions, they decided it was time to go in.

But there she was, June 4, 2005, in the hospital. Each painful contraction would bring her a bit closer to seeing the face of her baby. But things took a drastic turn for the worst after he was born. The doctors announced for the first time that he had Down Syndrome. And fear set in.

I know that because fear makes people do crazy things. And Tatiana turned away her own son.

All I know for sure is that she told the doctors she would have aborted him if she had known. She spewed empty threats to sue the doctors. And in a final act of fear, she left him there. Tatiana and her husband told their families that he died at birth, and sent their lawyer back to pay his bills and confirm that they would never be contacted again. And that was the end of it.

That precious baby boy was taken to an orphanage where he would live without the love of a mother, a family. for four. long. years.

I’ve asked God many times over the years why He didn’t unite us sooner. And this side of Heaven, I won’t have an answer. I just squeeze MY son tight and pray it makes up for lost time. And I give glory to God that He is a redeemer who loves Micah, chose him to be ransomed into a wild family of girls, where he would be the only son. Where he gets to be Daddy’s only boy and the super hero protector to 5 sisters. His diagnosis doesn’t define him. It’s a small part of who he is. He is loved, cherished and adored.

It’s not always sunshine and roses. My heart didn’t immediately attach to him. But slowly, the grafting process happened. And now, my heart catches in my throat when he smiles. He’s mine. I get to be his mom. We get to be a part of his redemption story. The other kids get a picture of how God adopts us and grafts us in. He’s no different than they are. They’re all equally my babies.

Today I'm a 33 year old wife and mom of 6 kids ages 12, 11, 10, 9, 6 and 4.

Today, as we celebrate Micah's birthday, I have 4 specific prayers in my heart.

I pray for Tatiana. That her heart would be healed. If only I could show her how amazing he is. I pray that she would find Christ if she hasn’t already.

I pray that Micah’s story is a testament to the goodness of God. We serve a God who loves the least and the last. To give them a hope and a future. To set the lonely in families. We serve a God who redeems.

I pray that Down Syndrome awareness would grow. That women would be informed and not afraid when they receive that diagnosis. I wish I could look in the eyes of women who’s baby have Down Syndrome and tell them that it’s just a thing. Their baby has such a bright future if they will just embrace it and remember that they are your baby first.

Last but not least, I pray for my big, strong, 11 year old boy. That God would continue to pour out blessings on him. That he would grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. That he would feel he love of God and serve Him all of his days.

His feet

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

We've been in Knoxville for exactly 2 months. The boxes are unpacked, curtains ordered and hung, the pictures are on the walls. The biggest tell-tale sign that we've just moved in is the already-tattered temporary paper blinds in the windows. But even the "real" blinds have ordered and will be in in a couple of weeks.

If you've just happened upon my little blog, we're here because we're planting a church with two other families. It's been a wild step of faith into the unknown for us all. But I wouldn't necessarily characterize it as scary either. When you know that you've taken a step that the Lord asked of you, there's a comfort in knowing He'll carry you through it. And this beautiful place has a way of making you fall in love. The river, the foothills of the Smokies, the abundance of parks... there's beauty all around us. And that's saying a lot if you know the gorgeous area we came from.

We're having regular Sunday services already; as well as a weeknight dinner and study for the college students/young adults. We've also been meeting with some of the families we've connected with here, having them over for dinner. I've met some pretty amazing people and I feel incredibly blessed at the thought of these people being our new community. And we've been so blessed to have friends and family from Nashville come to visit. It always does my heart so much good to see familiar faces.

All of these things happen here. In our home. If you know me at all, I love that! My heart is hospitality, it almost energizes me. I want to open my home. I worked hard to get it settled quickly because I knew that our house would be a hub for our little church community for a while. And its been so fun. It is truly a joy to be His hands and feet.

We are living and breathing community and fellowship. There are no big programs or ministries set yet. Everything we do involves coffee, face to face communication and loud kids running up and down the stairs. :) We're doing life together-- praying for any random thing that comes up, big or small. We share everything from kids clothes, to shopping finds, to leftovers that get divvied up and sent home after meals. This is such a precious time being the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and we are soaking it in. 

And every part that I'm responsible for in our home, I want to be diligent and do it to the best of my ability. I want to be Martha Stewart. And Paula Dean. And Charlotte Mason. And Anne Voscamp. And Beth Moore. And, and, and...

My spirit is willing and overjoyed.

And then. my flesh steps in. *facepalm* 

Its crazy how quickly you can go from serving to controlling. From being prepared to being obsessive. My heart is to create a warm (and clean) environment, prepare food, and welcome friends and family. But somehow, now and then, minutes before company arrives, I feel pressure. My inner control freak steps in. I bark orders at my kids and snap at my poor husband. And when our precious guests arrive, I open the door and it feels like I'm welcoming Jesus. I find myself in the midst of a (fairly) clean house and a prepared meal, but I am feeling exhausted and convicted. The enemy whispers that he just had a little victory and he laughs.

But then the voice of Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

The Lord is so sweet to deal gently with me. One Sunday (I think it was actually our first Sunday) before service, we were getting the house ready. We all moved around furniture, made coffee and prepared snacks, Krystal and Alex went over their songs for worship, and we brought chairs in and set them up in our living room. After all the chairs were all nicely lined up, I saw that the back of them were dirty. Like, gunky dirty. So I grabbed a dish cloth and got to work. As it got close to time for people to arrive, Jake called together our team to pray for the service. But I wasn't done. And as our team all stopped what they were doing-- I prayed as I scrubbed chairs. And I kept on scrubbing after prayer was over. The chairs were clean(er) but as I finished and looked at them, I felt the Lord nudge me. I remembered the story of Mary and Martha. I didn't feel guilty, I felt convicted and that's how I knew it was the Lord. So I tucked it in my heart for later. 

That night I read Luke 10 and thought about Mary. God reminded me that sometimes, instead of being His hands and feet, I have to stop. And sit at His feet. Diligence, hard work, hospitality: these are good things. Romans 12:13 literally says to practice hospitality. But it begins in the heart. Wearing myself out so that I have nothing left to offer is not hospitality.

I'm not saying I won't still clean up or do all I can to prepare my home. Around here, it only takes a matter of hours for the baseboards to be hidden by laundry, the floor a landmine of legos and naked barbies and the dishes to overflow. I love my children but they are professional house dirtiers.

What I am saying is this. I'm purposing to prepare my heart as much, if not more than I prepare my home. After all, we don't invite people in because we have it all together. We invite people in so we can love one another as fellow followers of Jesus. (Or to share with those who don't know Him.) And in the process we find that sitting together is to sit as His feet, just as Mary did. 

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20

~~~

Do you host a small group, entertain often, or just have a heart for hospitality? She Reads Truth has an awesome series on Hospitality that is a precious resource. I'm not paid to say that or anything, I just really love their stuff. ;)

I am my beloved's

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." Eph 5:25 

Jake has officiated several weddings over the years. He does thorough marriage counseling with any couple he marries, so if he didn't already, he knows them well. It shows in his eyes as he smiles at the couple on their wedding day and shares from his heart. I love watching his face as you see a little bit of excitement over this new union; and a little bit of that proud fatherly face. That glow that comes when you look at someone you've discipled and loved and watched grow.

But my favorite part is when he shares with them about the partnership of marriage. He shares it more for the sake of the family and friends present, because there's no doubt he's talked about all this and more with the couple already.

He often shares how people say that a marriage is 50/50. Each giving half. But that he thinks that's wrong. That a marriage really works best when its 100/100. Each giving all of themselves for the other. "If you're giving all of yourself up for your bride, and doing everything you can to take care of her... And she's doing the very same thing, you don't have to worry about taking care of yourselves because the other is doing it." That's not an exact quote, he would say it better. :)

At that point in the ceremony a small piece of me wants to stand up and tell everyone, "Listen to what he's saying! He's right about this! And I can testify that this man lives it!" He does.

This past week was a perfect example.

Our house is mostly unpacked but we're all still adjusting to our new normals. For some of the kids its homeschooling, for some their new school, for Jake its starting a church from basically nothing and all of the work and relationship building that requires. For me its running our new home and new schedule, shopping from new stores, paying new bills... making meals is the only thing that doesn't look very different, although I'm sure my family would be happy to have that part changed up a little.

Monday about mid-morning I was mid-juggling all the balls. All. the. balls. When my sweet husband came in and asked me a very simple question about our schedule. And I lost it. I started bawling. About how the kids needed to be fed and I was behind on lesson plans and couldn't find the teachers guides online to the curriculum we have and that I didn't know what I was cooking for the large group of students coming over for dinner and and and and....

This kind of outbursts of emotion used to send us both into a defensive uproar. But over the years we've he's learned to navigate these waters. So we had a calm conversation and we both apologized (even though I was the only one who owed one) and carried on with the day. Which ended up being a pretty awesome day, actually.

A couple of days later I came down with a flu bug of some kind. Sore throat, nauseaus, coughing, body aches and general misery. It hit hard and fast late one night and I knew tomorrow--and whatever tomorrow held--I wasn't going to be able to pull off.

Jake jumped into gear without batting an eye. He whizzed through the day getting kids to school, feeding them, taking them to the park, keeping the house clean and the laundry going. He canceled some meetings and had others over the phone. He even recorded a remote podcast from one of the kids' bedrooms. All this while bringing me Gatorade and medicine and putting essential oils on my back when I'd ask.

Never complaining once.

When I finally made it downstairs, I thanked him and tried to tell him how amazing he was. "I mean, you do this stuff every day," he said simply. "Yeah but I couldn't just jump into your job and pull it off like that." I was right and he couldn't argue. He's super dad. :)

We've been looking for a new vehicle since we moved, knowing it was a time that made sense for us financially. As much as it meant laying my pride down... it was time for our family to get a passenger van. Not that Suburbans are exactly a cool vehicle to have, it still felt more like a family vehicle and less like a hotel shuttle. So I determined that I wanted a Nissan because I like the look, safety ratings and flexibility of the seating inside. And I wanted either a Blue, Brown or Black one. Not that I'm picky. :) So Jake hunted high and low for exactly what I wanted at a price we could afford. And he found one. In Boston.

This man. In the midst of all that he has going on (and having lost a work day while I was sick) got a one way ticket to Boston, Massachusetts, bought me a van and drove it 16 hours home over 2 days.

Because he loves me. And he takes care of our family, sacrificially.

Jake lives that marriage is 100/100. Each laying everything down for the other. "...as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Eph 5:25 I may not always do everything I can for Jake. I'm not always selfless and taking care of him. And he's not perfect either. But regardless of the response of the other, the goal is that we give 100%. Christ laid down His life for us. For those who chose to receive Him and for those who don't. He didn't say, "I'm only giving 100% if you do." He loves us no matter what.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I'm not saying its easy. It isn't. What's easy is to give in to fear or insecurity. What if it isn't reciprocated? What if I take care of him but he doesn't take care of me? But in our few years of marriage, we're learning: it doesn't come naturally so it has to come spiritually. It's only when you plug into the love of Christ that you can fully lay yourself down in vulnerability, faithfulness and sacrifice. And when we each do that, it works so much better than when we try to fly solo.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Jake got in late in the afternoon with the new van and its awesome. But what's a million times more is that my husband loves me and gives of himself for me. And everything in me wants tell him and show him how much I love him back.

I love you Jake Spencer. You are my beloved and I am yours. 100%

We're here!

Well, this is it. My first post as a Knoxville resident. My heart still speeds up a bit at that thought! For the first time since I was 15, I don't live in the Nashville area. So crazy!

And though it isn't exactly far (right at 3 hours away), it's different here. The people, the culture, even the landscape. Its definitely not better or worse, its just all a little different. I'm equal parts missing my home town and falling in love with my new one.

I can't believe we've already been here for 15 days.

We had a great move! (Thanks to our two amazing real estate agents! We highly recommend Jenny Fann in Spring Hill and Troy Stavros in Knoxville!) :) As we were closing and making the drive to Knoxville, we were hearing that there might be some winter weather coming.

We spent one night here in a hotel and when we got up to close on the new house, we were greeted with a thin blanket of white! We bundled up the kids and headed to the title office, the electric company and then over to our new home to wait on the moving trucks. All the while the snow just kept falling.

We were pretty concerned that the road conditions would be too bad for our movers coming in from Nashville, but... the kids thought the snow was magical. And I have to admit--that hour (or however long it was) that we sat on sleeping bags in front of the fireplace... in our echoing, empty house... with our Jersey Mikes picnic... watching the snow fall outside... it was magical. A sweet kiss from the Lord.

The movers finally showed up and in classic Spencer fashion, our magical moment moved straight into high energy excitement and chaos. They obviously have to keep the doors open to move the furniture in, so the downstairs was every bit as chilly as it was outside--while the snow was still falling and really starting to accumulate! Those poor guys were freezing while unloading the trucks and had to inch their way down the truck ramp not to slip. And I spent the next several hours directing them through the house, drinking more coffee than is healthy just to stay warm, mopping up the steady stream of melted snow on my new hardwoods, stressing about my kids running in and out of the snow without any gloves or appropriate snow clothes, and blow-drying one of the kids' mattresses that had rainwater poured on the side of it from a leak in the truck door.

Micah took it upon himself to take pictures of our movers, but now I'm glad he did!

The kids met several neighbor kids outside in the snow, all close to their ages. I love how children can go from being compete strangers one minute to building trenches with sideways sleds and having street-wide snowball fights in no time. It took everything in me to overlook the fact that my kids were trembling cold and probably going to be sick (and they never were) because they were making friends and memories. Thank you Lord. For health and friends. ;)

Kate and Abby passed out after a long day of moving.
And bundled up because it was COLD!!

Since that day, I started working and haven't really stopped. The boxes are almost completely unpacked and a few things are even on the walls. Because our house will be sort of a home base for the church for a little while, it was important to me that it be welcoming and cozy, quickly. And I believe in my heart that if the kids love their rooms and feel good about them, it does their hearts good during this new phase.

We've had lots of visitors since we moved in. Both of the other families moving with us to start the church have had home inspections, so they've been through. (Minus Sarah and the girls! We missed you!) Along with some family and some practically-family. :)

And there's been no time wasted in making connections with families here and UT students. People have brought us dinner; we've had people over for dinner. We've even had a game night. Our family table has officially been christened here with friends and family sharing meals, laughter, cards and the loud singing of "somebody's going down". If you don't know what that is, you need to come play cards with us!

Last but certainly not least, the kids are all trying to settle into our new school routines. Micah and Abby are liking their new school and I had two great IEPs there. The other 4 are homeschooling and that's going ok. Probably best saved for another post. :)

Though its hard and feels strange not to share even more, I'm going to try and leave church updates to that blog. The church is so much a part of our lives, it's almost impossible to seperate. The Lord is doing so many amazing things and I could spend all my time telling those stories. But I'm saving those to be told to a broader audience than my humble blog. But please check out our sweet send-off from our home church here. And follow along there for updates. Its going to be so fun to watch what God does next.

As for me and my house, we're here and getting settled so we can serve the Lord!



"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Because we're selling the house

Sometimes when the kids are on break, I wake up early with that panic feeling that we overslept and they're going to be late for school. Sort of the same feeling I used to get just a few short years ago when I would wake up on my own (as in, not by a baby) in panic that my baby missed a feeding. I'm curious if there's a parenting phase where waking up on your own doesn't cause panic...

But after I jolted up this morning, I had to remind myself. The kids are on break... Yesterday we had a wonderful Thanksgiving... Today Jake wants to put in an offer on the Knoxville house... Grannie is in town and we're meeting her and mom... We have a house showing at 10:30... {pausing to listen for kids}... And the kids are already up and destroying their room... Resume panic. Because we're selling the house!!

But first, coffee.

After my cup of coffee and a not-so-quiet time with the Lord, it was go time. I got myself, the kids, and the house cleaned up. In that order. With 6 cats, I mean kids, it works best in that order. 

Most of the day was fairly successful. Fairly successful...

*sigh* 

This House

I'm not sure there is a way to keep this house clean, the children in line and be nice. I'm just sayin. I feel like a crazy woman barking out orders and trying to juggle 43.7 things at the same time. Because we're selling the house, I have to go overboard with all cleaning/toy pickup efforts. Its only been a week and a half and I'm already tired.

The New House

Jake is amazing to take care of things on that end. He keeps me in the loop even when I know it would be easier just to make executive decisions and keep moving. He stops to consider important things, where I would just make an impulsive choice. He's doing all of this while trying to build new relationships and a new church, launch a website, and prepare a sermon for like, oohhh two days from now. No big deal. *note sarcasm* 

And I know when I am focused, the kids nagging and arguing is like a drum that beats on my last nerve. But he's been so patient. Oh and he got Christmas tree today. *sigh* He's super man. I have to remind myself that's a good thing and it doesn't make me lamer. (I just made up that word.)

The Kids

One of my children, who I'm sure wishes to remain nameless, is struggling. Not constantly. But little things like where we put the Christmas tree (because we're showing the house) and how few decorations we bring out (because we're showing the house) and how we aren't hanging stockings yet (because we're showing the house)... these things are difficult for her. And while she does her best to process and move on, I can see that in her mind, all these things relate back to one thing/problem. You guessed it. We're selling the house. 

The Emotions

Just when I think I've successfully juggled all the balls... 

I cleaned the kids.

I cleaned the house.

We lived through Cracker Barrell, only made a little bit of a scene.

I got to talk to Grannie... some.

After lunch, we set up a Christmas tree.

We went over the house offer to be sure it all looks good.

I went over the budget-- because, holidays. And kids. And because we're selling the house.

I did my best to meet the emotional needs of my child/children who are struggling today.

I decorated the house for Christmas.

I/we decorated the Christmas tree.

And...

Because we're showing the house, I didn't use our crazy brightly colored ornaments-- the ones with Popsicle sticks and finger paints and names in sharpie. Instead I pulled out the ornaments from the first couple of Christmas' we were married. The pretty amber colored ball ornaments I registered for. And I pulled out the blown glass ovals I bought myself before we were married and the metal, porcelain and glass angels I used to collect. 

I was doing it because we're showing the house. And as I told Jake my plan, my voice caught in my throat. The sentimentality of those ornaments and the weight of the day sank in and I just cried.

Because we're selling the house.

~~~

Hopefully tomorrow we'll hear if our offer has been accepted or if there's a counter offer. So when I wake up I'm going to remind myself that its going to be an awesome day. Full of potential. Possibly some showings. Possibly some chaos. Possibly some emotion. And then I'm going to drink my coffee and have some not-so-quiet time and give thanks to God because He's called us into relationship with Him.

Jake, myself, the kids... we aren't doing this alone. He's walking with us through the showings, with us through the chaos, with us through the emotion. In these days between Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to reach out with each hand and touch the reminders of both: to give thanks  because Emmanuel means God with us. He called us to do this thing and He didn't mean do it alone. 

I want to surrender every moment and walk every step with the Lord. Therefore, I will not be overcome with the little things or the big ones. Because we're selling the house.

Our Next Big Adventure

This blog is about the many hats I wear. I'm a pastors wife, mom of a large family, adoptive parent and I'm raising two children with special needs. It's purpose is to share about these different aspects of my life and how they work together. All the while keeping friends and family updated and a mothers heart reflective with the story telling... 

Well... we're entering our next big adventure and I've got a new story to tell. 
Another side of Amy, if you will. 
Church planters wife.

This is story much larger than me, but it's from my perspective. So let me go back a little ways.

Jake has been in ministry for almost as long as we've been together. What started as a passion to be discipled and to know God more, turned into a mentorship with our pastor and volunteering with the Jr High kids. Just before we got married, that grew into part time youth ministry (and part time still working at the steel plant). As our little family grew, that became full time youth ministry and ordination. And Youth Pastor over Jr High eventually turned into Jr and Sr High Youth Pastor and ministry head over the Youth Department. Then pouring into and discipling friends and youth volunteers turned into passing all of it to new Jr and Sr High youth leaders and taking on a new roll of Associate Pastor. (Just before our own oldest daughter started Jr High. Talk about full circle.)

When that kind of personal growth happens simultaneously with a church that grew from 200 people in a school gym to thousands of people on a 150 acre campus, you learn a lot along the way.

And at some point along that journey, The Lord started stirring. Jake began preaching for our senior pastor when he had to be gone. The congregation got to hear what I'd been listening to in youth group for years. A man who has a gentle but fierce heart for The Lord and people. And God started stirring a passion and vision in Jake. I didn't know what it would look like or when it would happen but I knew God was stirring Jakes heart for a specific purpose.

My husband has a gift to teach God's Word. And believes in his core that Jesus called his followers to make more followers. And I'm not just talking about having children-- although we clearly believe in that too. ;) Jake has a passion and gift for discipleship. His heartbeat is to love people well, to make disciples and to teach them to make disciples. All through the vehicle of community and doing real life together.

The last two years have been a wild roller coaster of hearing and not hearing from God, knowing He's calling us out but not sure of what or where specifically, and then a flood of open doors, connections and confirmations. To tell all the details of the last two years and how the Lord called us would be to write a memoir. And some of it is deeply personal. But the Lord is so good. Though we couldn't always see it, He's been busy working, redeeming, pruning, growing and preparing.

But the outcome of our journey is really the beginning of a new one.

God has called us to plant a church in Knoxville.

Whew, it's still surreal to say!!

And He's not just calling us. The friends He's called to go with us... are so much more than friends. They're our people, our community. They're who we do life with. And our passion is the same. To love God and love others, to obey whatever The Lord calls us to do and to go where He tells us to go. And we truly can't wait to see who joins us along the way.

People usually have the same questions, so I'm going to try to address each of them here.

"Why Knoxville?" Well because the Lord said so. :) Jake loves ministering to college kids. And the Lord gave us a vision to plant a church that eventually plants more churches. A college town is a great place to do that, so that's what first brought Knoxville onto the radar. And there have been lots of connections and relationships there. The Lord randomly bringing people across our path... the stories are incredible. Stuff only God can do. And remember that Jake was in youth ministry for years and some of the kids he had went on to UT. The more we prayed and investigated, the more it became evident that the Lord was speaking loud and clear. It's time to take Grace Chapel to Knoxville.

The next big question is, "when?" And that depends on how quickly The Lord moves this process along. Jake has already begun making trips out there to get the ball rolling: following up on connections the Lord has already made, building relationships, and eventually getting some small groups started. (I could cry right now at the goodness of the Lord bringing new people across our path and opening doors.) It was announced to our church this morning and our house goes on the market Wednesday. But each and every step we're committed to seek The Lord and ask Him what's next. This is His thing not ours.

For me personally, people always ask, "how are the kids?" Our 4 youngest don't seem to be affected by it much at all. Their closest friends are in the families that are going with us (again, we do life together) so that helps a lot. And they think a new house sounds like an adventure. Micah and Abby will of course take some adjusting to a new school, but I'm confident that God with supply all their needs according to His riches and glory. :)

Emily is a very go-with-the-flow kiddo and she's taking it all in, focusing on the good. Her best friend moved away several years ago and they still keep in contact so I don't think she has much anxiety about moving away from her friends. Again, one of her closest friends now is going with us as well.

Ashley has been so mature processing it all. It'll be hardest on her, being 12, but she's always known that we go where God calls us and we take nothing for granted. Many of her questions, I have to answer with, "we'll have to trust God for that." And because she's been around the longest, so to speak, she's seen God provide for our family over and over again through the years. I think this will be an opportunity for her faith to be stretched as well.

The current plan is that we will homeschool Ashley, Emily, Mabry and Kate. Unless The Lord shows us otherwise. And I'm walking forward with open hands in that.

We're looking at west Knoxville. You see, Jake. loves. water. If he could chose anywhere to live, it would be on the water. And God is so good... As he was praying about rather or not the Lord was calling us to Knoxville, he realized that the Tennessee River and Fort Loudon Lake run right through the area where He's opening doors. And for me, still being in the Tennessee hills makes me feel right at home. (So note: don't be afraid to ask God for things. Sometimes He calls you to make big sacrifices while simultaneously filling the desires of your heart.) 

Its a bittersweet transition for me. I've lived in Spring Hill for 18 years (with the exception of our first married year in Franklin). I went to youth group in Thompsons Station, prom at Page and Spring Hill High, and graduated here with my homeschool class. I met my husband here, this is where we dated, where he proposed and we got married in Cool Springs. I birthed all 5 of my babies in Williamson Medical and this is where we brought Micah home. Both of our only 2 homes are in Spring Hill. This is home.

Except this isn't our home. Knoxville won't be our home either. Our home is in heaven. This life isn't about setting up camp, its about living for something greater than ourselves. Its about living for Jesus. And He called us to make disciples. He said that people would know His disciples by their love for one another. Home is where we are loving people, reaching the lost and making disciples.

My dream home is up on hill, with a perfect view of the mountains, a lake in the valley, a big front porch, all hardwood floors, clawfoot tub in my bathroom and a screened in porch in the back. ;) I have no doubt that's what the Lord is working on for me in heaven. And if I get a little taste of that on earth, awesome. But until He comes, there's work to be done. People need the hands and feet of Jesus to walk with them through their mess. I need people to walk with me through my mess! My kids need to be discipled themselves and my husband needs me to be supportive of his/our ministry. 

This next life adventure isn't going to be easy. Its probably going to be really really hard. I'm not always going to be up for the challenge. Some days I'm going to loose it and cry in my room for a while. I know this because we've been on adventures before. Not church planting specifically, but... we've seen our share of challenge. But God is faithful to His Word and when He calls (or allows) us to walk through something, He sustains us through it.

In Gods economy, the hard road is so much better than the easy one. It produces fruit in and around us and it Glorifies Him. What more could you ask for?

There's so much more I could say, but that covers most the update from the perspective of our family life. I will update my blog more, now that this is official and I have the freedom to do so. And you can follow the church updates at www.gracechapelknoxville.net 

For now, some prayer points for our family specifically:

~For a smooth transition for the kids

~That the Lord would be in every detail of selling our house

~That we would find just the right house in just the right area of Knoxville

~Stamina for Jake as he travels back and forth until we're there

~Wisdom as we look at schools for Micah and Abby

Thank you, precious friends and family who have loved us so well, for your prayers as begin this journey. To Jesus be the Glory.

A letter to my daughters about makeup

I have 5 girls.

FIVE. Girls.

Ages 4 to {almost} 12. Kate will always be the baby but she's no longer a baby. Ashley will always be the oldest but she's not yet a teenager. Which means there are five. kid. girls.

Mostly, we're nicely balanced by Micah and Daddy but some days I feel like we're all going to be washed out the door in a wave of lipgloss, glitter spray and cheap strawberry shortcake scented nail polish.

Its a constant goal of mine to live in the moment but plan for the future. So I enjoy being the one to fix their hair and paint their little nails as long as I can. But there's an awareness in the back of my head that someday I'm going to have five. teenage. girls. Pray for me.

And specifically on the point of makeup, I have several things I want to say to them. My oldest will be in middle school this year and is thrilled at the thought of wearing even a teenie bit of makeup. So I'm printing this letter for her and making copies for each of my girls down the road. We do/will have lots of ongoing conversation on this stuff too but I want them to have this reminder to tuck in their rooms and remember. For you like-minded moms of girls, I hope this helps get you started with your own conversations. And God speed. ;)

"Sweet girl,

Ok, lets talk makeup.

I love makeup. But you already know that. Maybe its the artist in me but I love the colors and the brushes and the creams... Its so much fun!

And you should know that you come from a long line of makeup loving southern women who never left the house "without my face on". ;) I used to sit and watch Nana brush mascara into those long lashes of hers and pay attention when she'd tell me that "eye liner should only go in the outer third of your bottom lashline." Grannie knows every woman at the beauty counter by name and I would always gladly receive the little Clinique freebies she'd give me, even after I was married and having children. It's a given among the women in my family that if a shade you purchased doesn't work for you, you better pass it along for one of the rest of us to try. And if it does work, we want to know it!

And even back to your great great grandmother, Victoria-- there are stories of her religiously taking off her makeup at night and slathering her face in cold cream or vaseline. Legend has it, she never had a wrinkle. ;) 

Makeup is fun. I don't mind for you to try new things and play around with it. Sticking as close as possible to the color palette that God gave you in your own tones will always be prettiest. Some friends might encourage you to wear more makeup. And some might even tell you that its bad to wear makeup.

But here's the deal.

What I always want you to remember is that true beauty comes from your spirit. Being in the Lords presence will make you radiate in a way that no makeup can.

"...let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

Does makeup make you physically prettier? It can, yes, if done right. 

Are you already beautiful on the outside? Of course. 

Do you need makeup? Absolutely not. 

Is it wrong to wear make up? Not if your heart is in the right place.

As with anything, you need to keep your heart in check first. Am I ok with my appearance with no makeup? Is my identity solely in Christ and not how blonde my eyelashes are or how many pimples are on my face?

If those things are in check, by all means, have fun with it. Use it to make those blue eyes pop and to give you more confidence when you've got a huge blemish on your forehead. Shiny up those lips, girly. :)

Just remember that there is no amount of makeup that can cover an ugly heart or a bad attitude. And no amount of blush or shimmer can make you shine like a right spirit with the Lord, who's confidence is in Christ.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Prov. 31:30

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." Phil. 2:14-15

Also, makeup should not, will not (nor should you want it to) change your face. Only accentuate it. Your face is a distinctly beautiful mix of features that are inherited from both sides of our family. Makeup should celebrate those features, not hide them. 

Ads and photos of models and celebrities are photoshopped and fake. Those women aren't real and don't define beauty. The only perfect is you in the mirror. You are perfect the way God made you.

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Sol. 4:7

Lastly, I need to say this. Sometimes makeup can make young girls look older than they really are. And its my job and Daddy's to protect you while you're under our covering. So please respect our opinion if we suggest that something is too dark, to bright, or just too much. We aren't trying to be mean. We want you to slow down and be the age you are. Wearing makeup will be a privilege that grows as we see that you can use it properly. And if you're not sure about something, just come ask me. It won't be long before you'll be the one telling me, "Mom, this mascara is way better, try this one." ;)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want you to enjoy your pre-teen/teenage years. Have fun, be smart, be responsible and show the world the Christ that's in you. Makeup is great. But its just a thing. Make sure that thing is in its proper place.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." I Tim. 4:12

Beautiful girl, I love you with all my heart and I am for you, always.

Love,

Mom

Goodnight Ruby

Late last night our family said a sad goodbye. Our little pet hamster Ruby didn't make it through the night. (Well, day. Her night.)

Ashley and Ruby about a year ago.

Thankfully Jake was home and was able to retrieve her from her cage where Ashley found her not moving. Silently and with many tears, Ashley, Emily and I stood in the back yard and watched as Daddy lovingly buried her. Ashley wrote a quick letter and buried it with her. It was late so today she's going to make a little stone to mark the grave.

It seems silly, it was just a hamster. But she was Ashley's. And well loved. We had a second hamster for a while, Mary Grace. But she was mean and we gave her away. Ruby was a sweet little thing- and that coming from someone who can't handle rodents.

Today as the world buzzes about confederate flags, ISIS, court rulings and shootings... The world of my 11 year old stops.

We're at a pivotal time, me and my "tweens". They're growing and maturing and it seems that every word and conversation shapes their individual images of our relationships. Am I friend, mother, confidant... Am I unrelatable, untrustworthy, insincere? All these things are like a bar graph that's ebbing and flowing with each new day but I can feel that with my oldest, the ebbing and flowing won't last long. Soon the bars are set. Her opinions formed, for better or worse. Maybe some will remain flexible but I can't risk it.  

So today as the world of my 11 year old stops, mine does too.

I've still got to buy groceries and make lunch and hit the uniform sale before its over... and she's not an only child. But my goal is set this morning before my beautiful, sleeping, closer-to-adulthood-than-toddlerhood girl awakes. I'll remain sensitive to silence, aware of the tears, and ever ready for hugs. I'm in her corner.

And I'm reminded how well the Father loves me. God is so good to hold me in the moments when my world stands still. Things that seem insignificant to others, that take my breath away. Those seasons when people passing around me have no idea what I'm walking through... but He knows. He sees and He gives me a peace that envelops my heart. Doesn't mean He stops working in other places. But the eternal God of the universe is as close as my breath, ready to love me and comfort me in my time of need.

God You are so good to us. Thank you Holy Spirit for being our Comforter. May I be Your hands and feet to my children today, especially the one hurting. And thank you for the time that we had with our little Ruby.

#lovewins

Disagreement does not equal hate. America has made a muddy mess of the two. But they are two different words.

Some people might disagree and hate. But that does not make the words synonymous. 

Disagree: verb

1. to fail to agree; differ

2. to differ in opinion; dissent:

Hate: verb

1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest

2. to be unwilling; dislike

I'm deeply saddened by the Supreme Court ruling this week. I disagree that it was the right choice. But it seems to me that one major thing that is misunderstood (or maybe just pushed by an agenda) is that disagreement equals hate. I disagree with the LGBT community but I do not hate them. Quite the opposite actually. I'm burdened with love for them.

Confused? Let me give an example.

I love my children. Let's say my children wanted to play with matches. Um, no that's not going to happen! Now, they might think I'm a mean mom.... Playing with matches would make them happy! Who am I to stand in the way of their happiness? But I love them too much to let them do something that will hurt them.

If I hated my children, I wouldn't care. I would let them play with matches. No sweat off my back right? "Live and let live." But I love them too much to turn my head and "let live". I would have to really hate them to let them continue in something that will cause them pain and/or death.

That's not a perfect analogy, because I'm obviously not parenting a community of people. But I'm trying to make the point that from my perspective, this is wrong and harmful. I have too much love for this world to be ok with this ruling.

No, I'm not afraid of the LGBT community and I'm not homophobic. I mean, for Pete's sake. I live in this world, not in a bubble. I have good friends who disagree with me and my views. We're friends. Our kids are friends. So let's dismiss the fear argument. 

And, I have children with special needs so trust me when I say, I understand the desire for inclusion and acceptance. Trust me. I get that. But this issue isn't a matter of disability or skin color.

God's Word is loud and clear. Homosexually is sin. Now, it's not a "worse" sin than lying or stealing or cheating. Sin is sin. And it's wrong. And it has consequences.

Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life. We must repent and accept the free gift of God: His payment for our sin. 

Yesterday our country legalized sexual sin. (I'm still not sure how they had the right to redefine marriage when they aren't the ones to define it in the first place.) And I'm deeply concerned about the ramifications of that. 

To my friends who are rejoicing over yesterday's verdict: I love you. This doesn't change my love for you. We're still friends. At least I hope we are! :) I understand why you're excited, I really do. I just want you to know why I don't share your response to this news. And it has nothing to do with hate, which is what the world is trying to shout. It has everything to do with love.

From my perspective, the LGBT lifestyle is a sin that leads to death and destruction, and I love you too much be ok with that outcome for you.

To be honest, I think there are "Christians" out there who disagree and have hate in their hearts. I think there are Christians who are afraid. I also think there are Christians who believe Gods Word but condone this sin because of their fear. Please don't project the opinions of some on all. 

I follow Jesus. And I think His message was a pretty clear and simple one: love the sinner. But hate the sin in their life because it causes them destruction. Love them in their sin, love them too much to leave them in it.

I don't expect people who don't believe in the Bible or Jesus to abide by Scripture or Jesus' teachings the way I do. But when our country as a whole accepts these sins and legalizes them.... God have mercy on us all.

I think this is a given, but so that you hear my heart clearly: I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be perfect or have it all together. I'm certainly not the one to save people from their sins. Thankfully Jesus came for those of us who don't have it all together.  Yes, I sin. But He forgives my sin and changes me continually. He gives me a deep peace and joy that I haven't yet found in my friends who don't know Him. I pray that they too would accept His forgiveness, freedom, peace and joy.

And I pray that our country would repent of this decision and turn back to acknowledging Christ as Lord the way that our forefathers did.

The trending hashtag is #lovewins. Which is ironic to me because people posting it have no idea how true it is. God is love. The creator of this world has been the definition of love since before He created it. He loves this world and He came as a man to die for it. He rose again and will one day return for it. So yes. #lovewins

To the Christian: I know your heart aches as mine does. But may this verdict lead us to Gods Word. Seek out truth like never before. Let your concern drive you to prayer... deep fervent prayer for our nation. Humbly love love love your neighbors and boldly stand firm in your convictions. Pray for those in bondage to sin. In these last days it's only going to get harder. But we know Who wins. And while we still have some religious liberties left, may the words of our mouths never be considered hate speech, but love speech. You can disagree and love. ️

~~~

These are my thoughts and opinions. They are based on the eternal Word of God as I understand it and on my personal relationship with Jesus. You don't have to agree. Comments are welcome but please remember that it's extremely rare to change anyone's (mine or others') opinions based on blog or FB comments. So let's keep agreeing and disagreeing comments here kind and encouraging. Anything else will be deleted. Thank you for understanding. 

*Image from Pinterest .com