Jake has officiated several weddings over the years. He does thorough marriage counseling with any couple he marries, so if he didn't already, he knows them well. It shows in his eyes as he smiles at the couple on their wedding day and shares from his heart. I love watching his face as you see a little bit of excitement over this new union; and a little bit of that proud fatherly face. That glow that comes when you look at someone you've discipled and loved and watched grow.
But my favorite part is when he shares with them about the partnership of marriage. He shares it more for the sake of the family and friends present, because there's no doubt he's talked about all this and more with the couple already.
He often shares how people say that a marriage is 50/50. Each giving half. But that he thinks that's wrong. That a marriage really works best when its 100/100. Each giving all of themselves for the other. "If you're giving all of yourself up for your bride, and doing everything you can to take care of her... And she's doing the very same thing, you don't have to worry about taking care of yourselves because the other is doing it." That's not an exact quote, he would say it better. :)
At that point in the ceremony a small piece of me wants to stand up and tell everyone, "Listen to what he's saying! He's right about this! And I can testify that this man lives it!" He does.
This past week was a perfect example.
Our house is mostly unpacked but we're all still adjusting to our new normals. For some of the kids its homeschooling, for some their new school, for Jake its starting a church from basically nothing and all of the work and relationship building that requires. For me its running our new home and new schedule, shopping from new stores, paying new bills... making meals is the only thing that doesn't look very different, although I'm sure my family would be happy to have that part changed up a little.
Monday about mid-morning I was mid-juggling all the balls. All. the. balls. When my sweet husband came in and asked me a very simple question about our schedule. And I lost it. I started bawling. About how the kids needed to be fed and I was behind on lesson plans and couldn't find the teachers guides online to the curriculum we have and that I didn't know what I was cooking for the large group of students coming over for dinner and and and and....
This kind of outbursts of emotion used to send us both into a defensive uproar. But over the years
A couple of days later I came down with a flu bug of some kind. Sore throat, nauseaus, coughing, body aches and general misery. It hit hard and fast late one night and I knew tomorrow--and whatever tomorrow held--I wasn't going to be able to pull off.
Jake jumped into gear without batting an eye. He whizzed through the day getting kids to school, feeding them, taking them to the park, keeping the house clean and the laundry going. He canceled some meetings and had others over the phone. He even recorded a remote podcast from one of the kids' bedrooms. All this while bringing me Gatorade and medicine and putting essential oils on my back when I'd ask.
Never complaining once.
When I finally made it downstairs, I thanked him and tried to tell him how amazing he was. "I mean, you do this stuff every day," he said simply. "Yeah but I couldn't just jump into your job and pull it off like that." I was right and he couldn't argue. He's super dad. :)
We've been looking for a new vehicle since we moved, knowing it was a time that made sense for us financially. As much as it meant laying my pride down... it was time for our family to get a passenger van. Not that Suburbans are exactly a cool vehicle to have, it still felt more like a family vehicle and less like a hotel shuttle. So I determined that I wanted a Nissan because I like the look, safety ratings and flexibility of the seating inside. And I wanted either a Blue, Brown or Black one. Not that I'm picky. :) So Jake hunted high and low for exactly what I wanted at a price we could afford. And he found one. In Boston.
This man. In the midst of all that he has going on (and having lost a work day while I was sick) got a one way ticket to Boston, Massachusetts, bought me a van and drove it 16 hours home over 2 days.
Because he loves me. And he takes care of our family, sacrificially.
Jake lives that marriage is 100/100. Each laying everything down for the other. "...as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Eph 5:25 I may not always do everything I can for Jake. I'm not always selfless and taking care of him. And he's not perfect either. But regardless of the response of the other, the goal is that we give 100%. Christ laid down His life for us. For those who chose to receive Him and for those who don't. He didn't say, "I'm only giving 100% if you do." He loves us no matter what.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
I'm not saying its easy. It isn't. What's easy is to give in to fear or insecurity. What if it isn't reciprocated? What if I take care of him but he doesn't take care of me? But in our few years of marriage, we're learning: it doesn't come naturally so it has to come spiritually. It's only when you plug into the love of Christ that you can fully lay yourself down in vulnerability, faithfulness and sacrifice. And when we each do that, it works so much better than when we try to fly solo.
"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3
Yesterday was Valentines Day. Jake got in late in the afternoon with the new van and its awesome. But what's a million times more is that my husband loves me and gives of himself for me. And everything in me wants tell him and show him how much I love him back.
I love you Jake Spencer. You are my beloved and I am yours. 100%
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