Laying Mabry down for nap today, we had a sweet conversation that I want to record so I don't ever forget.
The girls nap better in separate rooms, so she climbed up into Micah's bed like she does every day, jabbering and asking a million questions. Kate goes down first because she naps longer, so Mabry and I usually have a little quiet time each afternoon to talk or read or sing or answer Mabry's million questions until I reach, "... I don't know the answer to that. Now it's time to sleep."
As she laid down I pulled up a throw blanket and said, "This blankey was Grannie and Papaws." I said it half just to hear myself say it--because of my own sentimentality--and half to see how Mabry would respond. Dreading the day she forgets.
"Oh. Does Papaw lives in Heaven now and Grannie lives in... whats its called?"
"Texas. Grannie lives in Texas." Only slightly choking on my words. Papaw only passed a little over a year ago and Grannie just moved this past fall. It's still a little fresh when I've been used to having them both down the street the last 14 years.
"Oh that's right. Texas. What about she's house here?"
"She sold it and somebody else lives there now remember? She moved to Texas with our family there," I replied.
"Well what color is it?" She said it as if it were equally as confusing and important as why Grannie moved.
Trying to give a serious reply through my smile, I said "I don't know but I think some day we can go see her and find out what color it is." Then pausing I added, "And someday we'll ALL go see Papaw and what color his house in heaven is too."
Very pleased with that answer she smiled, "Ok mommy. Now can you sing to me? 'Create in me a clean heart'."
Then I sang. Then I kissed her. Then she gave me three kisses back.
And I closed the door tearing up just a little knowing that life changes. And kids grow up. And people go to heaven. And to Texas.
Showing posts with label granddaughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label granddaughter. Show all posts
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
With mixed emotions, I'm prepping my house and family to be without me for a couple of days.
Since Papaw went to heaven in January, I knew it was a matter of time until Grannie sold the house. The memories are... almost too much to handle. (For any of us really. So I can't imagine how Grannie's handling it.) And because we have lots of family in Texas and its her "old stomping grounds" (her words), she's moving back. Tomorrow.
Once the decision was made, Mom, Grannie and I staged the house. Painted it. Planted flowers. Bought some new things. Sold some old things. Sifted through Papaws things.....
And then it sold. In 24 hours.
I wasn't ready for that.
Then we started packing. Got things in order. And now it's time.
It just happened to work out that I be the one to drive her down in her car and fly home the next day.
I have mixed thoughts and emotions about her moving. To name a few.....
The Good.
I think it'll be really good for her to be out of that house. I think she'll be more active in Texas, she's settled into almost too much routine here. I'm happy that my cousins will get to spend time with her the way I have for almost 15 years. I'm happy that she'll get to see her great-grandbabies in Texas. I'm thankful that she and Papaw were here to see all my babies join this family. I'm thankful that she was in the room to see Avery Kate enter the world.
The Bad.
I'm gonna miss her. I'm worried that we won't get to visit as much as we'll want to. I'm going to miss the impromptu lunch dates. I'm going to miss her meals. I wanted her to teach the girls to knit and we never got around to it. I want my kids to know the words to "Roses on my shoulders". I need her here with me.
The Ugly.
Are you ready? Ugly is really ugly. The horrible thoughts in my head... What if they don't take care of her like we do? What if she misses Tennessee? What if Kate doesn't remember her? We "lost" Papaw and now we're losing Grannie too? And the clincher- facing the fact that it WAS hard for me to juggle helping with Grannie and Papaw. What if I feel relieved once she's moved away? ...............
But the truth is (and I can barely see the screen through tears as I type this)... I'd take a thousand inconveniences, errands, phone calls, lunch dates, board games, plates of beans and cornbread, hugs, worries, laughs, scares, doctor visits, trips to the mall... I'd take the good, the bad and the ugly... if it meant Grannie and Papaw always being close to me.
But I can't always have what I want.
Better put: I can't have what I want, forever.
~~~
So I'm laying out school clothes, giving instructions to Jake, making arrangements for rides and activities. Packing my own few things for one night. (And because its just how things go in this house, about an hour ago we thought Kate broke her leg. Which we are now pretty sure she did not.) I'm tucking in toddlers and asking the big kids to please be helpful to Daddy. I'm signing folders, packing lunches and washing sippy cups. Making sure my crew is set.
And in a few hours I'll have a long road trip with my Grannie. My prayer-warrior. My friend. The one who takes care of me as I do her. The one who listens, counsels, and loves me--- through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Standing Strong
In efforts to catch up my blog so that our family memories are {sort of} in one place, I'm going to recap some of 2013. But I'm afraid the first post is one of the most painful to write.
January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd...
I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.
What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say, Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.
Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer.
Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.
But for us...
In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus....
And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."
Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor.
Diagnosis: mono.
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?
"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor.
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back."
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away."
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*
I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.
~~~
This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.
The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"
Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,
"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"
and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words.
The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...
But through the lessons this week, it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.
When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.
So that I can stand strong.
Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)
January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd...
I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.
What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say, Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.
Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer.
Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.
But for us...
In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus....
And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."
Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor.
Diagnosis: mono.
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?
"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor.
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back."
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away."
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*
I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.
~~~
This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.
The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"
Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,
"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"
and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words.
The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...
But through the lessons this week, it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.
When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.
So that I can stand strong.
Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)
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