Standing Strong

In efforts to catch up my blog so that our family memories are {sort of} in one place, I'm going to recap some of 2013. But I'm afraid the first post is one of the most painful to write.

January and February are sort of a blur. Christmas and New Years were fun and crazy and everything that Christmas and New Years should be. Friends, family, sweet memories and traditions. But on January 2nd... 

I had no big plans for the day but I got up early and jumped in the shower. Hadn't even had coffee yet, I was trying to hurry before the kids woke up. When I got out I realized I'd missed 2 calls. One from my mom, one from my Grannie. My heart beat sped up what felt like 100% because... well I knew what I thought it meant. And I don't even remember what phone calls took place after that. I only remember that my fears were confirmed. I found myself in my suburban too upset to cry, racing down the street and tearing into my grandparents neighborhood. Ambulances and emergency vehicles crowded the tiny subdivision street. I jumped out without even turning off the car and ran towards the house. Though I could barely see where I was going, the panic was so intense.

What happened after that- what I saw, the emotions and exchanges shared by my grandmother, my mother and myself- is all too sacred to be shared here. So I'll suffice to say,  Papaw went to be with Jesus that January morning. On the birthday of the wife he'd left behind. His health had been going down for a while-- we knew it wouldn't be long. But it's still incredibly difficult not to have that one last goodbye.

Even now, 6 months later... it takes my breath away to think he's not walking on this earth any longer. 

Now. Let me say, I can rejoice because theres no doubt - he's alive. Actually, he's more alive than ever. He's free. He  is no longer in pain. And he doesn't wear oxygen tubes on his face. He's in the presence of his King and Savior whom he loves so much.

But for us...

In those days that followed came whirlwind of events. Decisions to made, family coming in town for the memorial service, flower arrangements pouring in from loved ones all around the country, choosing old photos for the slide show ...... explaining to my children that Papaw is with Jesus.... 

And tiny moments when I can't breathe because he's not texting me reminding me that it's supposed to rain in the morning or calling just to say "goodnight hun."

Just days after the service, I finally realized how bad I was feeling. Like, literally. Complete exhaustion, sore throat, headaches, and glands in my next so swollen you can see them. So Jake finally convinced me to go the doctor. 

Diagnosis: mono. 
Treatment: as much rest as possible for 6 weeks.
Are you serious?

"How did I get mono?" I asked the doctor. 
She said, "Well, it's more common in teens and younger adults, but if you've had it before and you've been under a lot of stress or aren't taking care of yourself- it can come back." 
"Hmm. Well all 6 of my kids just had strep throat over christmas break while my husband had the flu. Oh and then my grandpa just passed away." 
"There's your mono," she laughed. But I didn't think it was as funny as she did. "One more thing Mrs. Spencer. It's best if you don't lift your kids for the next 6 weeks either because your spleen is enlarged and has a greater possibility of rupturing if your children push on it." Awesome. Thanks. *eyeroll*

I'd like to add here how completely amazing my family and friends were while I was sick. People brought us meals, helped with the kids, and even took some laundry. Jake had to be out of town one weekend for youth winter retreat but people were so great helping to carry me through that. I'm so humbled and grateful for my church family, school family, and neighbors.

~~~

This past week I volunteered as a crew leader at VBS for the first time. It's rare that I'm not pregnant or nursing (I'm only sort of kidding). But this year they had childcare for Kate, mini-VBS for Mabry, a buddy each for Micah and Abby so they could participate, and of course Ashley and Emily went as they do every year. And because of all of that, I was able to be a volunteer myself, which was fun. Thoroughly exhausting-- but fun.

The theme this year was "Kingdom Rock: Where kids learn to stand strong"

Each day was a different catch phrase. Like,

"Gods love helps us... STAND STRONG!"
"Family and friends help us... STAND STRONG!"
"Prayer helps us... STAND STRONG!"

and so on. And of course each time you say the words "stand strong" you have to stand with your feet apart and fists on your hips to shout the words. 

The whole week was awesome and I may have been caught crab walking with my crew across the church, being a "pole" that kids threw giant rings over, wearing a cool whip beard, and other VBS adventures. In related news, I'm down 5 lbs...

But through the lessons this week,  it reminded even me- a tired mom and VBS crew leader- the eternal truth that Gods love, family and friends, prayer, and Gods Word all help us to stand strong.

When my Papaw went to heaven... and I stood in the front row of the service unable to breathe much less speak, one of my closest friends stood next to me, helping me to stand strong. When my body was weak and friends brought us meals, they were helping us stand strong. When I need to know where my Papaw is now and what he's doing, I grab our pastors sermon series on heaven. And the scripture gives me strength and hope.

So that I can stand strong.

Thank you God that You love us and carry us. Thank You that Your Word and promises are eternal and are for every generation: "Those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)