He speaks

Four years ago today... I would never have thought that Micah would still be non-verbal. Sure, anything is a possibility with kids who have varying special needs. When we signed up for this, we didn't know if he would speak or not. Or if he could use the potty, or if he would have major heart problems, or if he'd be partially blind... We were just being obedient to The Lord. Trusting Him for all of it.

And here we are. After 4 years home, what can he say? Well... he says "no". He verbalizes a few letters. And the beginning sounds of a few basic words... Sometimes... But only when he's in the mood.

A few months ago, the school system approved Micah for a speech device. An iPad with an augmentative communication app. Fancy words that mean Micah pushes some buttons and it speaks out loud for him.

And for a mother who desperately wants to know what's swimming around in the obviously sharp brain of her now eight year old son... It's a small, flat, miracle machine. 

I've been working on it to get it in order- all of the buttons he would use at home. Rooms of the house, activities he enjoys, the foods we eat.

So far his favorite sentences are, (now imagine a deep, slightly British sounding voice speaking from an iPad, with a cute little Down Syndrome face peering out from behind it)... 

"I want a fruit and grain bar please" and "I want to take a bath" ... Like every 5 minutes. So we stick to our old signing routine around the house until we hit a moment where further communication is needed.

Like today.

Micah had just come downstairs and I wanted him to go to the living room and not into the playroom. Abby wasn't feeling well so she was temporarily quarantined in there until I could determine if she was really sick or not. 

So I said, "Micah, don't go into the playroom buddy, go to the living room." To which he completely ignored me and I repeated myself, more quickly and loudly this time as he was approaching the playroom. 

Just before he opened the playroom gate to let himself in, I ran over, grabbed his hand in mine and (admittedly too harshly) I scolded him for not obeying and sent him to a mild time out- sitting on the livingroom couch. But in a typical mad-he's-in-trouble Micah fashion, he sat and cried. And kept crying long after we told him he could get up and play.

Frustrated, I finally said "Why are you crying Micah?!" I grabbed his iPad, handed it to him and crossed my arms. I only half expected him to give me an answer that didn't involve food, TV, a bath or playing in the baby pool.

He wiped his tears and started hunting the screen for the right words.

At first it was something that had to do with cars or something. He shook his head no and kept searching. And then he came up with 4 words that softened my heart. Words I presume he's wanted to tell me countless times for the last 4 years but couldn't. 

"I... is... why... bad"

I knew exactly what it meant. "How have I been bad?" "What have I done wrong?"

Sometimes Micah is SO obviously defiant. He tests boundaries bigtime. He's notorious for it. But being the human, not-perfect parent that I am, it's hard to differentiate when he's being disobedient and when he's just not paying attention. Just the same as my other kids. Except my other kids can defend themselves. Micah can only cry.

Until now.

Sweet buddy. I explained to him the whole situation and I'm fully confident he understood. What a freeing thing. For both of us. 

Father give me patience with my son. Give me discernment and eyes to see when any of my children are testing the boundaries or merely being oblivious. Thank You for the blessing of a device that gives him a voice. Thank You for Your son Jesus who is the voice for all of us before the Father. And thank You that because of Jesus, Your mercies are new every morning... for mother and son alike.