The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

With mixed emotions, I'm prepping my house and family to be without me for a couple of days. 

Since Papaw went to heaven in January, I knew it was a matter of time until Grannie sold the house. The memories are... almost too much to handle. (For any of us really. So I can't imagine how Grannie's handling it.) And because we have lots of family in Texas and its her "old stomping grounds" (her words), she's moving back. Tomorrow.

Once the decision was made, Mom, Grannie and I staged the house. Painted it. Planted flowers. Bought some new things. Sold some old things. Sifted through Papaws things..... 

And then it sold. In 24 hours.

I wasn't ready for that.

Then we started packing. Got things in order. And now it's time.

It just happened to work out that I be the one to drive her down in her car and fly home the next day. 

I have mixed thoughts and emotions about her moving. To name a few.....

The Good.

I think it'll be really good for her to be out of that house. I think she'll be more active in Texas, she's settled into almost too much routine here. I'm happy that my cousins will get to spend time with her the way I have for almost 15 years. I'm happy that she'll get to see her great-grandbabies in Texas. I'm thankful that she and Papaw were here to see all my babies join this family. I'm thankful that she was in the room to see Avery Kate enter the world.

The Bad.

I'm gonna miss her. I'm worried that we won't get to visit as much as we'll want to. I'm going to miss the impromptu lunch dates. I'm going to miss her meals. I wanted her to teach the girls to knit and we never got around to it. I want my kids to know the words to "Roses on my shoulders". I need her here with me.

The Ugly.

Are you ready? Ugly is really ugly. The horrible thoughts in my head... What if they don't take care of her like we do? What if she misses Tennessee? What if Kate doesn't remember her? We "lost" Papaw and now we're losing Grannie too? And the clincher- facing the fact that it WAS hard for me to juggle helping with Grannie and Papaw. What if I feel relieved once she's moved away? ...............

But the truth is (and I can barely see the screen through tears as I type this)... I'd take a thousand inconveniences, errands, phone calls, lunch dates, board games, plates of beans and cornbread, hugs, worries, laughs, scares, doctor visits, trips to the mall... I'd take the good, the bad and the ugly...  if it meant Grannie and Papaw always being close to me. 

But I can't always have what I want. 

Better put: I can't have what I want, forever.

~~~

So I'm laying out school clothes, giving instructions to Jake, making arrangements for rides and activities. Packing my own few things for one night. (And because its just how things go in this house, about an hour ago we thought Kate broke her leg. Which we are now pretty sure she did not.) I'm tucking in toddlers and asking the big kids to please be helpful to Daddy. I'm signing folders, packing lunches and washing sippy cups. Making sure my crew is set.

And in a few hours I'll have a long road trip with my Grannie. My prayer-warrior. My friend. The one who takes care of me as I do her. The one who listens, counsels, and loves me--- through the good, the bad, and the ugly.