Moments

Adoption is tough. It just is. Having a new kid in your house is tough. If I'm completely honest with myself and our personal situation (in other words, I'm not saying its this way for every adopting family by any means), Micah has "attached" to us more than I've attached to him. Sometimes he drives me nuts. And sometimes... something supernatural kicks in and he's MINE.

A few months ago, I was getting seriously frustrated with Micah. He is a one man tornado that needs monitored every second of every day and it was wearing me down. Then one night something strange happened. He was getting down from his booster seat after dinner, stumbled a little, fell, and made a little wimper noise. The mommy in me went over, without thinking, scooped him up, offered sympathy and an enveloping mommy hug. And it hit. My heart loved him as my own. Deeply. Forget all the craziness, forget the frustration, this is MY boy. And I think he felt it too. We just held one another. The girls finished their dinner, Jake cleared the table and washed faces, and even put Abby to bed. And still there we stood. Catching up on some bonding that we haven't had the last 4 years. It wasn't the first time that that feeling had hit me, but it was the "strongest" for lack of a better word and I'll never ever forget it.

Today it hit again. I was back in my bedroom and Jake was out in the livingroom with the kids. Micah was running and took a tumble, falling on his eye somehow. A little cut and a big swollen bruise behind it. And being the awesome daddy that he is, Jake cleaned it off, got him a little baggy of ice and had Micah sitting on the couch holding his ice pack. And that is how I found him when I came out. I ran over to him as Jake recounted the story, I scooped him up, sat him in my lap and there it was. This crazy mama bear fierce love. Wild horses couldn't have dragged him away from my chest.

Something else I've been doing that was suggested by my "After the Rainbow" group, is swaddling. Every now and then before bedtime, I'll take a big blanket, wrap his arms up really tight (like swaddling a baby but without the legs), sit him in my lap, lean him back and rock him like a baby. When I first heard of this I figured he would fight me. But you know, he LOVES it. He doesn't smile or anything, but sucks really hard on his tongue and his eyes roll around like "this is awesome". :) Its very therapeutic for BOTH of us.

Moments. Occasional moments when God's love and heart are poured into mine and I see Micah through a different light. The son of my heart. My sweet baby boy.