Last night I was talking with some friends about how our moms call us every year on our birthdays. Mine goes through the whole story of my birth every year. Inevitably I roll my eyes but... I always love it. I told them I wondered if I'd call my kids and do that. And I can't remember my comment exactly but Jake had to stop me and remind me that I didn't actually deliver Micah. I forget that sometimes.
And today, while thinking of all my grandmothers, mom, stepmom, mother in law and mentors.... My mind drifts to a woman I've never met.
I wonder what she looks like? I wonder where she lives now? Did she have other children? She's 44 this year. Her name is Tatyana Borisova. The birth mother of my baby boy.
I wrote her this letter about a year ago but updated it some. *sigh* I'm posting it today... and praying for her.
Dear Tatyana,
As I write this letter, you don't know me. We'll probably never meet. You had your lawyers make sure of that. But I woke up thinking about you this morning. Because you gave birth to my son.
I know that his Down Syndrome was a surprise to you. I know that you were ashamed. I know that you told the doctors you should have sued them because they didn't detect his diagnosis. I know that you said you would have aborted him, had you known. I know that you told your family he died. The orphanage told us everything.
But he didn't die.
He lived for four years shut away in an orphanage. Just a number and a diagnosis.
But he's been adopted. By my husband and I. He has 5 sisters. And friends.
You see, God had a plan for this little boy. A plan to redeem him. To give him a hope and a future. I'm not sure if you named him or the hospital did, but his Ukrainian name was Borisov Pavlo Viacheslovovich. We named him Pavel Micah Spencer. Micah means "Who is like God?"
I want you to know. Your little secret... he's alive.
He's thriving. And he's loved.
I want you to know that I understand what you went through. I too had a baby growing inside of me with no clue that she had Down Syndrome. I too was totally surprised by her diagnosis. I too was scared and confused. But it was all too much for you to handle. And I can only assume it was because you didn't have the power of the Living God to bring you through it.
And now...
It makes my heart so sad to think that you are missing out on all of this. Do you have any idea??? I wish with all my heart that you could see him now.
He's so smart. He can read, write and type. He's great at math and loves science. He's in a regular classroom with an aid. He's the only one with special needs in the class. Actually they're taking a field trip on Tuesday just to cheer him on at his first Special Olympics event.
He's not really speaking. He had no early intervention speech therapy in the orphanage. And they only gave him bottles and babyfood, not allowing his oral motor skills to develop. And because he didn't have a mother talking and singing to him, he didn't have a need to speak back to anyone. But now he's learning to sign and is making some sounds. Everyone is amazed by how quickly he learns and how sharp his problem solving skills are.
He has a great personality. He's so funny and has a contagious, bubbly, raspy, little-boy laugh. He doesn't know a stranger and spreads love without condition. He's known for his hugs and kisses. He forgives immediately and knows no other way. The teachers and kids at school all love him. Everywhere I go in our town, children call out, "Hey that's Micah! He goes to my school!"
Micah loves water. Sprinklers, swimming pools, the ocean... our family vacation to the beach is his favorite time of year. Which I think is funny since he was born in a touristy beach area by the Black Sea.
He's handsome. He has tan skin all year around and has beautiful chocolate brown, almond shaped eyes. I often wonder if he looks like you or your husband. If he favors his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins...
He's healthy. He's had none of of the medical conditions commonly associated with Down Syndrome. Except that he needs glasses. But do you or your husband have glasses? Does that run in your family? He also is lactose intolerant but that comes from the years living with a parasite at the orphanage. It makes me so sad to think he could have a normal diet, had we gotten to him sooner.
He's in a family who loves him. Adores him, actually. He has 5 sisters who all boss him around. But he doesn't mind at all. He loves the attention.
He has such amazing potential. There's really no telling what all he'll accomplish, if given the chance.
I don't know why, but I need to tell you that I forgive you. My guess is that you are living with an incredible amount of guilt and torment over your secret. Or maybe you aren't. But I've got your little boy. He's safe and he's mine now. And I'm taking good care of him. And loving him as my very own. He may not have grown in my belly but he grew in my heart. And I'll do my best to raise him up into an amazing young man.
And I hope that someday, if you haven't already... you are able to find hope and healing in Christ.
Sincerely,
Amy
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