A mothers letter

Micah was the first one up this morning. Which isn't uncommon. But there's no school today and Jake was getting ready for church (he leaves before we do). So I went to get Micah up, motioned for him to be quiet and follow me. We both climbed into my bed, each hitting the pillow hard. Without a sound, Micah reached to Jake's nightstand, grabbed the remote and with half-closed eyes, handed it to me. His unspoken, "I want to watch morning cartoons." So I turned on the Sprout channel. A few "Happy Mothers Day" notes scrolled quietly across the bottom of the screen and I remembered it was today. Before the first commercial break Micah was snoring. I smiled and drifted back to sleep.

Last night I was talking with some friends about how our moms call us every year on our birthdays. Mine goes through the whole story of my birth every year. Inevitably I roll my eyes but... I always love it. I told them I wondered if I'd call my kids and do that. And I can't remember my comment exactly but Jake had to stop me and remind me that I didn't actually deliver Micah. I forget that sometimes.

And today, while thinking of all my grandmothers, mom, stepmom, mother in law and mentors.... My mind drifts to a woman I've never met.

I wonder what she looks like? I wonder where she lives now? Did she have other children? She's 44 this year. Her name is Tatyana Borisova. The birth mother of my baby boy.

I wrote her this letter about a year ago but updated it some. *sigh* I'm posting it today... and praying for her.



Dear Tatyana,

As I write this letter, you don't know me. We'll probably never meet. You had your lawyers make sure of that. But I woke up thinking about you this morning. Because you gave birth to my son.

I know that his Down Syndrome was a surprise to you. I know that you were ashamed. I know that you told the doctors you should have sued them because they didn't detect his diagnosis. I know that you said you would have aborted him, had you known. I know that you told your family he died. The orphanage told us everything.

But he didn't die.

He lived for four years shut away in an orphanage. Just a number and a diagnosis.

But he's been adopted. By my husband and I. He has 5 sisters. And friends.

You see, God had a plan for this little boy. A plan to redeem him. To give him a hope and a future. I'm not sure if you named him or the hospital did, but his Ukrainian name was Borisov Pavlo Viacheslovovich. We named him Pavel Micah Spencer. Micah means "Who is like God?"

I want you to know. Your little secret... he's alive.

He's thriving. And he's loved.

I want you to know that I understand what you went through. I too had a baby growing inside of me with no clue that she had Down Syndrome. I too was totally surprised by her diagnosis. I too was scared and confused. But it was all too much for you to handle. And I can only assume it was because you didn't have the power of the Living God to bring you through it.

And now...

It makes my heart so sad to think that you are missing out on all of this. Do you have any idea??? I wish with all my heart that you could see him now.

He's so smart. He can read, write and type. He's great at math and loves science. He's in a regular classroom with an aid. He's the only one with special needs in the class. Actually they're taking a field trip on Tuesday just to cheer him on at his first Special Olympics event.

He's not really speaking. He had no early intervention speech therapy in the orphanage. And they only gave him bottles and babyfood, not allowing his oral motor skills to develop. And because he didn't have a mother talking and singing to him, he didn't have a need to speak back to anyone. But now he's learning to sign and is making some sounds. Everyone is amazed by how quickly he learns and how sharp his problem solving skills are.

He has a great personality. He's so funny and has a contagious, bubbly, raspy, little-boy laugh. He doesn't know a stranger and spreads love without condition. He's known for his hugs and kisses. He forgives immediately and knows no other way. The teachers and kids at school all love him. Everywhere I go in our town, children call out, "Hey that's Micah! He goes to my school!"

Micah loves water. Sprinklers, swimming pools, the ocean... our family vacation to the beach is his favorite time of year. Which I think is funny since he was born in a touristy beach area by the Black Sea.

He's handsome. He has tan skin all year around and has beautiful chocolate brown, almond shaped eyes. I often wonder if he looks like you or your husband. If he favors his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins...

He's healthy. He's had none of of the medical conditions commonly associated with Down Syndrome. Except that he needs glasses. But do you or your husband have glasses? Does that run in your family? He also is lactose intolerant but that comes from the years living with a parasite at the orphanage. It makes me so sad to think he could have a normal diet, had we gotten to him sooner.

He's in a family who loves him. Adores him, actually. He has 5 sisters who all boss him around. But he doesn't mind at all. He loves the attention.

He has such amazing potential. There's really no telling what all he'll accomplish, if given the chance.

I don't know why, but I need to tell you that I forgive you. My guess is that you are living with an incredible amount of guilt and torment over your secret. Or maybe you aren't. But I've got your little boy. He's safe and he's mine now. And I'm taking good care of him. And loving him as my very own. He may not have grown in my belly but he grew in my heart. And I'll do my best to raise him up into an amazing young man.

And I hope that someday, if you haven't already... you are able to find hope and healing in Christ.

Sincerely,
Amy

The Remedy

I'm a fourth generation homekeeper. It might even go back further than that, but I can at least testify that my mom, grandmother and great grandmother were all wives, moms, and homekeepers. I'm a little old fashioned at heart and I love that there's a new generation of women trying to go back to the way their grandmothers did things. I mean, in my family we pass down things like our recipe for Frito Casserole (except its not the same thing if you don't say it with a southern accent) or how to fry okra. But that's not what I'm talking about. Lots of women are going back to gardening, couponing, using natural remedies, and cleaning with what's in the pantry. In fact, in a world of Pinterest and Crunchy Betty, "going granola" is pretty trendy.

But rather it be old-fashioned, crunchy, granola, hippie or none of the above: as a wife, mom and homekeeper, I'm always trying to keep my family healthy. With as few chemicals and drugs as possible. And on a budget. With the occasional Frito Casserole or run through taco bell. (gasp!) Hey. Don't judge.

Ya know... in this day and age, it's not easy. 

You either do no research at all and live in ignorant bliss (which I don't feel is super wise) or every time you turn around, you find out something you're buying or consuming is killing you. Or causing eczema in small children. Where's the balance? There's almost too much information out there, and not all of it accurate. 

We just don't live in the same world our grandparents did. We live in a world where autism, cancer, childhood obesity, ADD and even allergies are all on the rise. Just to name a few things. All of my grocery stores carry foods that aren't actually food at all and even the produce is laced with toxins. And while things are labeled "natural" I still have to do my homework because even "natural" products could be harmful to my family. And you can have the internet equivalent of a public stoning just for mentioning rather or not you've chosen to vaccinate your children. No comment.

And while I want to do the very best I can by my family, I try not to obsess over it. I'm not going to let fear control me. We buy some organic food, try not to buy too many processed foods, and cook from scratch as much as I can. I make my own laundry detergent and cleaners (because its cheaper and healthier). And recently, I'm trying to replace our medicine cabinet with essential oils. I make my own lotion, but I'm sure if you look in my bathroom cabinets you'll find something with a paraben in it. (gasp again!) But you know what?  I do what I can to walk in wisdom while ultimately putting my trust in the Lord.

I haven't been using essential oils forever, really just in the last few months. But so far, I really love what I've been using. We've used them for eczema, fevers, sore throats, snotty noses, strep, diaper rash, headaches and PMS. And I'm doing some research on how they can help Micah and Abby focus when they're at church and school. Jake still prefers his excedrine migraine and cold medicine. And if something serious crops up, I'm not against picking up some antibiotics as needed. But for the most part, we're trying to take care of business-- medical business-- naturally. With essential oils, balanced with other things like organic apple cider vinegar and raw organic coconut oil.

But.

Not surprising of our culture, I'm noticing a tipping scale. People getting a little obsessive. Looking to oils or even just natural remedies for ev.er.y.thing. Its like a game. "What oil can I use for...?" And dare I even say it, using essential oils for spiritual purposes. I'm not talking about everyone that's using them. But its out there. And I feel that if I'm going to encourage others to use essential oils as a part of their medicine cabinet (because I love them!) I feel a responsibility to clarify what I'm encouraging the use for. Does that make sense?

Now, let me be clear. When I say spiritual... I don't mean psychological. I realize there are real chemical/hormonal/emotional/psychological reasons to use medical intervention via essential oils, pharmaceuticals, or whatever you choose. Depression, addiction, sensory processing disorder... these (and more) are very real diagnoses that are miserable to go through. And there are medicines and certainly oils that help with them, if not cure it altogether.

(Now, what I'm about to say does not apply to someone who is not a born-again believer. If you've not found Jesus, the following paragraphs do not apply to you. But I would encourage you to start a relationship with Jesus Christ because you'll find more fulfillment in Him than anyone/anything else you've ever tried or ever could try. I promise.)

But for the born-again, Bible believing, Spirit-filled, follower of Christ. There is not anything on this planet that should replace us going to our God and creator for our ultimate spiritual fulfillment and healing. He alone should be our all in all.

Can we use the resources He's given us to treat the illnesses of this world? Yes. Absolutely.

Should we use the brain in our heads that He's given us to make wise choices? Of course.

But what do we turn to first?

Are we using these things to give ourselves a sense of power and control over our circumstances? 

And to take it a step further, should we be using oils for spiritual enlightenment (whatever you think that might mean) or to achieve a deeper inner peace and self worth? 

Shaky ground my friends. Shaky ground. 

There is nothing that should replace the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm not big on religion. I'm big on relationship. With the true and living God. The maker of heaven and earth. Who see's my heart and knows my thoughts. Who loved me enough to send His one and only Son do pay for my sins. By Who's stripes I'm healed.

I'm not going to get super legalistic and outline what I feel is acceptable and unacceptable concerning... any of this. But can I ask you this? Please don't just read blogs, or trust in something someone on a FB group said or recommended, or listen to someone... who's selling something. Check God's Word. Find out what trusted and Godly friends and leaders think about it. And most importantly, pray about it. Check your own heart and ask the Lord to show you anything in your life that you're putting more trust in than Him. And if it causes you to sin-- and putting anything before Him is sin-- remove it. (Mark 9:43)

Today I was talking through some of this with a close friend. A fellow mom that strives to hear the Spirit of the Lord over the noise of our toddlers. She had a great point and said it so beautifully (as she usually does) with these words. "We want an answer that we ourselves can administer, removing the need for Christ. But we veil it in nobility of doing the natural best thing for our family. He is the cure. The remedy. First. Always." She texted those words to me and I stared at them for a long time. She absolutely hit the nail on the head.*

And listen people, I'm preaching to myself over here. If I'm so consumed with essential oils, "natural remedies", healthy living, organic food, being gluten free, being sugar free, clean eating or any other way of eating... or anything else for that matter... Facebook, emails, getting to the gym, my friends, what my friends think, my job, my parenting philosophy, my blog, my hobby, my home, even my kids... I don't care how good and right it is. If we're putting it before the Lord, its time for a change. Time to repent and rearrange the priorities. 

I hope I'm able to communicate through these written words, with no tone or voice inflection being heard, the love with which I say these things. God is a God of love, mercy and grace. But He is also a jealous God with a fierce love that is serious about things that come before Him in our lives. I can't tell you what that means for you specifically. But I can tell you that we are not without measures for checking.

These are perilous times in which we live. (2 Tim. 3:1) Let's seek to do the the very best by our families, watching over the ways of our household. (Prov. 31:27) Let's run the race, not looking to the right or left. (Hebrews 12:1) Let's be of sober mind, testing everything. (I Peter 5:8, I Thes. 5:21) And hey. Lets do it together.

And should the Lord tarry, I'd love to raise up a new generation of sober minded, vigilant, God fearing wives, mothers and homekeepers who know: Christ is the Remedy.

*You can read more of my friend Sarah's beautiful words over on her blog, My Awefull Life

Throwback Thursday: Sleepy Heads on YouTube

I love posting pictures for #tbt. I'm pretty sentimental and there's just something about going through old pictures...

I've been going through all my One True Media videos and montages and posting them to YouTube because their site is closing down at the end of May. And this one... This is one of my favorites. Its in order that the kids came home: Ashley, Emily, Abby and Micah. Seeing it makes me want to update it to include all my pics of my two newest sleepy heads.

Happy Throwback Thursday y'all.

(Be sure to turn up the volume!!)

Extravagant Prayers

I started praying for my husband when I was 12.

Encouraged by my youth leaders, some Godly friends and let's be honest- Rebecca St. James' self titled album, I was committed to live for The Lord. And to pray for my future husband.

So I made a list of all the qualities my 12 year old mind thought I would want in a husband and I started praying. 

He has to love God first and foremost.

He has to be respectful to his mom.

He has to be honest.

He HAS to make me laugh.

And the list went on. It was quite long actually. Character traits that looked like they added up to just the right man for me. Someday. :) Then at the bottom I added a personal request. Green Eyes. Somehow that one felt like it was too much to ask. It felt like an extravagant prayer. Can I really ask God for that? And isn't it already decided by now?

I prayed weekly, if not nightly, for years. That God would protect him and keep him for me.  I prayed that God would instill these qualities in my future husband and that when I met him, I'd recognize them and know it was him. And I knew it was silly... but ever so often I'd add, "and Lord if You see fit, could he have green eyes?" 

Enter scene: Jake Spencer.

I don't have to tell you that he met every quality on my list. But somehow the thing that blew my mind the most were his green eyes. God answered my prayers. Even the extravagant one.

And it's a reminder to me that my Father loves me. He wants to give me good gifts. He wants to show me how much He loves me.

And that sweet little answered prayer passed down to the next generation. 

Her eyes are a wink from God. He loves me.

God has answered a few extravagant prayers in my life. Beneath-my-breath ones and life-altering ones.

My mom was healed from cancer. That was a pretty extravagant prayer.

This guy came home to us, safe and sound. A gut wrenching plea.

And I still have a couple tucked in my heart. Extravagant prayers. Things deep in my heart. They may seem too big to pray. To far fetched or even too wonderful. And maybe they won't be answered this side of heaven. Or maybe they will.

You know, the Bible is full of extravagant prayers. Prayed by not so extravagant pray-ers.

Because The Lord of creation, the Saviour of our hearts... Has an extravagant love for His children.

~~~

Something happened today while I was writing this post and I don't believe it was a coincidence.

The kids were running through the house and playing. Inside doors and outside doors slamming shut as kids whirl past me singing and laughing and yelling "you're it!" But I stopped when I heard my 4 year old in the hall bathroom, screaming/grunting and pounding her feet on the floor. I opened the door to a full on tantrum. My voice has been gone for the last 3 days from allergies, so I wasn't able to give my admittedly wrong reaction of "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You're too big to be throwing a tantrum like this!!!" Instead I had to whisper, "what's wrong?" She was so flustered and red faced that she couldn't even get words out to reply. She just pointed at a little tiara on the floor and back at her own head. She'd been trying to get it just right in her hair and it wouldn't stay on. I picked it up, tucked it in her hair, and whispered "there. Next time just ask."

What's the prayer hidden in your heart? What holds you back from praying it? Are you afraid? Are you bitter? Are you scream/grunting and pounding your feet on the floor because you can't do it yourself? The maker of your heart knows what you hold there and He longs for you to talk to Him about it. And He wants to answer your simple prayers and dare I say it... your extravagant ones, if you'll just ask Him and hand it over.

Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17





*Photo credits for the first two pictures, Brandon Chesbro

Common-for-me weirdness

Weirdness is sort of normal in my life. Or maybe its not weird at all. I mean, who makes the scale really?

Some of it just comes along with parenthood. Some of it comes along with parenting children with special needs. Highlights this week:

Monday I found Kate crying and "stuck" in the window (standing on the window sill with her body pressed against the glass and she couldn't move or she would fall)... In just her underwear. Which has to look really strange and inappropriate from outside.

Monday night I cut new bangs for Emily and inadvertently created my own mini lookalike. I'm afraid people will think I did it on purpose. I truly didn't realize she looks so much like me or I wouldn't have cut her bangs exactly like mine.

Tuesday I discussed in full detail, my sons bowel movements to his special education teacher. Including the distinct scent and color. She may have said the words "we thought someone had a strong marker in the room" to me.

Then Wednesday happened and it got me thinking.

Wednesday was just another typical, common-for-me weird day. I got four kids ready for school. Two who do 90% of the work themselves and two who do 10% of the work themselves. I helped Ashley fix her hair, signed Emily's folders and kissed my big girls as I sent them out the door with Daddy.

Then I got Micah and Abby up. I got their lunches packed, made their breakfast, helped them get dressed, brushed their teeth, helped Abby with her shoes, wiped both of their faces, brushed Abby's hair, signed their folders, wrote reply notes to their aids, told Micah for millionth time not to bend forward and flip his heavy backpack up over his head because it could break his iPad, made them both go potty one last time... and then kissed my "middle two" and coaxed them onto the bus. The way I do every. single. morning.

Then I got the two little girls fed and dressed and we headed to ballet. (We've officially hit the place where Mabry is surpassing Micah and Abby in development, so much of the things I do for them, I don't need to do for Mabry. Or even Kate sometimes.)

Kate's Kindermusik class was canceled so I chased her around Mabry's ballet class, thankful that my best friend is the teacher and didn't care about a disruptive 2 year old. (And that the other parents didn't seem too annoyed.)

We had lunch with D'Arcy, with only one "MOM I'M GONNA PEE!!" and emergency potty trip. After that I let the girls run around the mall playland, and left slightly embarrassed that Kate had started stripping when I was involved in conversation. (But just slightly embarrassed. I've gotten pretty used to those moments.)

Then I left the girls with D'Arc and headed to Nashville. I had an appointment at the Vanderbilt Kennedy Center. They wanted to interview me about our church special need ministry and what it means to our family.

So for about 45 minutes I sat in a small, nearly empty, uncomfortably warm room with two women I'd never met asking me questions that they were professionally (and a little mechanically) reading from printed papers. Besides those papers, the only other thing on the board room table was two recorders with the microphones facing me.

At first I was a little nervous. And painfully aware of the clock because if I didn't leave on time, I'd be late to pick up my little girls and then late to meet the bus and the carpool.

But as I answered their questions, the weird situation melted away and several things ran through my head.

"I can't believe we've been a part of Grace Chapel for so long." Part of the interview included what first drew us to this church. I was 18, I don't fully remember. Except that God led me there. I was young, in love with my fiance, and on fire for the Lord.

"I can't believe I'm sitting here as the mom who has kids with special needs." I would never have guessed that would be me. The world of special needs would not only come to define a part of who I am, but I'm passionate about it. Never would have imagined.

"My kids-- all of them-- are loved." Our church special needs ministry makes it possible for parents like me to be a part of service. I drop my kids off and don't give it a lot more thought until service is over. Some parents who have kids with special needs aren't even able to go to church because they don't feel like they can.

"I am so blessed. Thank you Lord, for community, church family, and friends." I am so humbled. And so blessed.

If I could say one thing to the special needs parents out there... the ones who never would have imaged that they'd be special needs parents... the ones who don't think they're able to go to church anymore... the ones who have to do 90% of the work to get their kids ready... who worry about health concerns, behavior issues, stares from others, ignorant questions and who will love their kids if they drop them off in children's church....

Don't give up the search. There are churches out there where you can go. Its worth the hunt.

I know its a very real struggle. That's why the Kennedy Center is doing this research. To help churches help you. Keep trying. You might even meet other families who walk through your same common-for-you weirdness. Then we can all be common-for-us weird. Together. :)

Updates all around

I feel like I'm a little behind on keeping up with general Spencer kid updates. I should be writing a grocery list because I need to go shopping in a little bit but... I'm gonna write about my kids instead. ;)

The 2013-2014 school year is coming to a close. And I'm fully aware that next school year is going to be a different one. Five of my six babies are going to be in school. Mabry starts Pre-K at our church school in the fall and though its 3 full days, it'll be strange for this momma.

All 4 school kids are finishing their years well. Good grades, good behavior. I've seen a lot of growth in each one this year.

Ashley is taking great initiative in doing her own projects and homework. She loves to read, so no prompting from me is needed. We had a little bit of drama at school but that seems to have toned way back the last half of the school year.

Ashley with her buddy Mary Bradley

At home, she teeters between being really annoyed when asked to pitch in, and jumping in to help without even being asked. But overall, she really is a huge help to me. She does her own laundry, puts the little kids to bed sometimes (including changing them into jammies, taking them potty, and singing lullabies), and she's even teaching some of the little ones to unload the dishwasher.

She recently loves sewing. My sewing knowledge is limited and self taught, so it didn't take long for her to know all that I know. But she loves experimenting and making little purses and things.

I kind of can't believe how tall and lanky she's gotten. With all that wild, blond, curly hair. I feel like I'm watching a young lady blossom right in front of me. Its beautiful and frightening. ;)

Miss Em. Oh, Miss Em. I love that kid.

Ash and Em

She is bold and outgoing and hilarious and generous and kind.

School is going well. Being one of the youngest in her class, its always a bit of a struggle to keep up but she's doing a great job and taking a lot of initiative. I'm surprised by how organized she is sometimes, given her free spirit. Her side of the room is rarely messy. (A stark contrast to her sister's side.) And she knows if she keeps it up, it will never become a big project. I love that.

Recently, Mabry is becoming one of her closest siblings. She knows Mabry looks up to her and she eats it up. Emily loves to dress her up and Mabry loves the attention. When I pair up the bigs and littles, those two always claim one another first.

She's helpful around the house too. She prefers to get all of her homework and chores done first so she can be free to play. No procrastination in that girl. Her job is keeping the floor swept and the play rooms clean. And she does her own laundry too. Only she's great about folding it all and putting it away instead of letting it sit in a clean heap for days. Which even  I am guilty of. ;)

Then there's Micah.

This was VERY early in the morning. How is someone this happy without coffee??

I'm seriously floored by Micah. Continually. He's become very expressive and even a little more verbal. He's got way more self control than he used to and while he still likes to wander and explore some, for the most part, he stays with us. I can see him maturing enough to know, "I stay with my family."

He pitches in with the chores too. Sometimes he'll clean the entire, crazy messy playroom without even being asked. And then sweep it too! He can follow two-step instructions pretty well. So if I say, "Go upstairs and grab an extra blanket," or "put your dishes in the sink and your napkin in the trash," he's on it.

His sense of humor is hilarious and his giggle is contagious. Shoot, even his grin is contagious.

He's doing well in school. I love his aide and she gives me detailed pages of how his day went. He keeps them on their toes but he's a smart cookie who works hard at learning. And is well loved. :)

So that this isn't an incredibly long post, I'll update on my 3 baby girls in another post. For now, I better start on that grocery list...