Big Spencer Family Announcement

TODAY is a very special day in our house.

For the first time in exactly 10 years and 6 months...

I have no children in diapers.

Today is the first day since I became a mom on August 12, 2003 I have not had at least one child in diapers.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I did some math. And to make sure my math is correct, some dates (to the best of my memory):

--August 03: Ashley was born (1 in diapers)

--June 2005: Emily was Born (2 in diapers)

--February 2006: Ashley potty trained (back to 1 in diapers)

--November 2006: Abby was born (back to 2 in diapers)

--December 2007: Emily potty trained (back to 1 in diapers)

--June 2009: Micah came home (back to 2 in diapers)

--October 2009: Mabry was born (3 in diapers)

--June 2011: Kate was born (4 in diapers) At this point, we had off and on been trying to potty train Abby, with zero success. Micah had been "time trained" at the orphanage but because of his parasite and lactose intolerance he had *ahem* explosive bowels and was therefore back in diapers from the time that we got him. He could have possibly been potty trained sooner but we had to take care of his health issues first to make sure he could "hold it in". I wish I was kidding. You can read an old post from those days here: Potty Talk

--January 2012: Micah finally healthy and potty trained! Whoo hoo!!! (back to 3 in diapers)

--June 2012: Mabry potty trained (back to 2 in diapers and a little sadness in my heart because I was hoping Abby would potty train before Mabry, being three years older)

--August 2013: Abby potty trained!!!! This was the biggest landmark for me. She was starting 1st grade and the weekend before I went HARD CORE potty training because I was determined not to go another school year with her in diapers (down to 1 in diapers for the first time in 4 years and 2 months)

--February 2014: Kate potty trained! FREEEEEDOOOOOM!!!!

Therefore I deduce:

-I had at at least 1 child in diapers for 10 years and 6 months.

-I had at least 2 in diapers for 5 years 11 months.

-I had at least 3 in diapers for 2 years 8 months.

-I had 4 in diapers for 7 months.

Now can you see why this is such a huge announcement for our family? I know there are tons of families out there who have more in diapers (and for longer) than this. My hat is off to you. Wish we'd connected sooner, we could have swapped diaper coupons. ;)

I wish I had gotten more pictures (or videos) from my other little potty trainers, but, here's one from Mabry:

And one pic from my sassy baby (on the same potty almost 2 years later) :

Gone are the days of diapers. *sigh* I can actually say it's bittersweet. Not like the bittersweet when I stopped nursing my last baby. I cried over that one. 

This is like- I could break out in a Gangnam Style song and dance in the middle of my kitchen and scare all my kids because I'm that excited not to be changing diapers any more. 

But its bitter because it means a chapter closed. The thought stops me in my tracks: I don't have any babies anymore. I have mini people that walk around independently, needing me just a little less today. And because baby momma has been a part of my identity since I was 20. I'm good at babies. I don't know yet if I'm good at adolescence. And to be really honest, this milestone falls really close to some very mature conversations with my oldest. Bittersweet.

All signs point to::: my kids are growing. And I can't stop it.

Today a song has been in my head and it only feels right to post the lyrics. "'Cause now I see, I'll never stop this train."

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

John Mayer, Stop this train

Let's not lose sight.

I came across this little graphic on Pinterest not too long ago. Its so simple. 

The graphic is imperfect and messy. 

The message is inspiring and beautiful. 

I love it.

I made it the lock screen on my phone, just as a constant reminder. And because, lets be honest, my phone is one of the places I get distracted the most.

These words are direct. And they redirect me.

There is much to be done. Losing sight distracts us. And when we are distracted, we don't press on towards the goal.

There's much to be done at home. This house of eight is a machine. I wish I could say it was well oiled. But its got lots of moving parts, and many affect another, for better or for worse. As a homekeeper, its my job to make sure that it stays clean and organized. Which is a full time job alone. But it's also important that I make sure the children stay on top of their chores. That I teach the little ones to do new chores. That I wash all the laundry, fold all the laundry and put all the laundry away. That I pay the bills, plan the meals, make the grocery lists, file the coupons, buy the groceries, buy the birthday gifts, make the casseroles for friends and neighbors, fill out the school paperwork, filter the internet research for the science project, write the check for the school fundraiser, sign the folders for the kids, and pack the lunches for ones who need it. Organize the medical bills, stay on top of the insurance EOBs, schedule checkups at the doctor, dentist, and eye doctor for all 8 of us once a year. Pick up the shoes, kick the toys back into the playroom, find the remote, fill the sippy cups, change the diapers (though not for long!), cook the dinner, clean the dishes, book the babysitter, and write her the check when we get home. Whew! To name a few things. ;)

Home requires physical work, and that's my job. But if I lose sight of it, I'll drop the ball somewhere. All my days are scheduled with different tasks. If I get distracted, those tasks don't get done in time and our home suffers because of it. 

There's much to be done for my family. I am the only wife Jake has. I'm his confidant. I'm his helpmate. I'm his only lover. My heart and my mind need to be available for him. As in: not being spent and irritated and pulling out my hair at the end of the day, because its the only time he see's me. He needs me to trust him. As in: not be defensive in conversation, not nag him to do things, and not question his side of the story. He needs me to be respectful to him. And he loves me back by honoring me and providing for me. By being my confident, lover, and best friend. This relationship affects... everything. So its worth a weighty investment. Of focus.

*Before I keep going, a disclaimer: Parenting is a partnership in this house. But this post is about what happens if I personally lose focus. And while I am not solely responsible for the upbringing of our children, Jake entrusts me with these things while he's physically at work all day. This is from my perspective as a mother.*

The kids need me to train them up in the way of the Lord. The older girls need me to listen to their every story... excitedly. ;) They need me to dance with them in the kitchen as we all clean up from dinner, and cry with them when they're hurt by the words of friends and enemies. They're completely aware of their need for Christ at this age, and I'm their number one mentor. Their self image will be based largely on my own. I'm still cool and fun enough to be begged to go on field trips or braid their hair or join them in devotions... I pray I'm always cool enough, but it will take careful nurturing of our relationships now. Micah and Abby need me to be their advocate at school. They need me to make sure that their many needs, physical and emotional, are met. I have to be able to recognize stimming and watch for cues that they need a sensory break. I have to battle through the delay in verbal skills. And wipe away tears that I don't understand, while fighting back my own. The littler girls (aside from their basic needs which mostly depend on me) need me to get back the toy their sibling stole, read to them, kiss their boo boo's, sing to them at night, and teach them that there are no monsters because the God sets his angels charge over us. Its my job to calm the tantrum and determine the consequence. I have to teach them that Jesus loves them first and foremost, that Daddy is their hero and mine, and that I will always be their mommy.

If I get distracted or lose sight of any of these things, they don't get done. Which isn't an option. Because the spiritual, physical and emotional needs of my family are critically important. Lord help me to to never lose sight.

There is much to be done for the Kingdom of Heaven. Christ is coming soon. He will return in glory to get His bride and I want to be ready. I want everyone around me to be ready. My husband is in full time ministry and I need to do everything I can to support that. And for me personally: my disciples are the 6 small people that live in my house. And I pray that my heart and my home are ever open to my community. Ready to serve with love and joy.

Current thieves of my focus. Pinterest is awesome. Any of my closest friends will tell you, I start several conversations with, "I saw this thing on Pinterest..." It’s extremely helpful to me in homekeeping. Recipes, cleaning tips, decorating ideas, inspiring scriptures... I've already said, I found the above graphic on Pinterest! But it literally profits me nothing if I sit and stare at it all day. Its merely a distraction. 

Facebook creates good community. I don't even know where I'd be without my adoption and Down Syndrome groups. But when I have (what I believe to be) a clever, interesting, or funny thought, posting it to Facebook shouldn't be my first reaction. 

Instagram is fun. Pictures are worth a thousand words and I am a wanna-be photog with some seriously cute kids. But I can check it every 2 or 3 days and stay caught up. And not everyone needs to see everything we do. 

I love me some good blogs. But I have to carve out a set time (and ending time) to read them, or I'll get distracted.

Even the tasks of my home can be a distraction for me. Like spending so much time deep cleaning that the kids are doing who knows what. Or vice versa. I could lay on the floor reading or playing dolls with the babies all day, but if my husband gets home and the house is a wreck, I look disgusting, and there's no dinner... yeah, no. 

So it’s got to be about balance. And focus. On the one who sets these tasks before me.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance: for you serve the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23, 24 

"And let us not grow weary of doing good. For in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9

Father may I never lose sight of Your will for me. Keep my eyes open and focused on the task that lay ahead of me. Every day, every hour. As I serve my home and my family, remind me that I'm serving you.

"I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.... I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12, 14

There is still much to be done. Let's not lose sight.

To you...

To the woman who prayed for a blond haired, blue eyed daughter...

To the person who always put me first...

To the one who led me to Jesus in the kitchen of our farmhouse...

To my 4th-12th grade teacher...

To my high school best friend...

To the first number I called when my water broke...

To the my late night consultant when my babies are sick...

To the one who held my hand as the doctor said the words "Down Syndrome"...

To the face on Skype holding 3 beautiful girls as we gave updates from Ukraine...

To the one who cut the cord for my very last baby...

To Marrietta because I'm Liz... To Andrew because I'm Andrew Jr...

To the grandmother who babysits, drives the carpool, and spends too much money at Petsmart...

To the woman I think I see when I quickly pass a mirror...

To the woman who's life motto is "give it to God" no matter what comes her way...

To the strongest woman I know...

To my mom.

Happy Birthday to you.

I love you.

Naptime talk

Laying Mabry down for nap today, we had a sweet conversation that I want to record so I don't ever forget.

The girls nap better in separate rooms, so she climbed up into Micah's bed like she does every day, jabbering and asking a million questions. Kate goes down first because she naps longer, so Mabry and I usually have a little quiet time each afternoon to talk or read or sing or answer Mabry's million questions until I reach, "... I don't know the answer to that. Now it's time to sleep."

As she laid down I pulled up a throw blanket and said, "This blankey was Grannie and Papaws." I said it half just to hear myself say it--because of my own sentimentality--and half to see how Mabry would respond. Dreading the day she forgets.

"Oh. Does Papaw lives in Heaven now and Grannie lives in... whats its called?"

"Texas. Grannie lives in Texas." Only slightly choking on my words. Papaw only passed a little over a year ago and Grannie just moved this past fall. It's still a little fresh when I've been used to having them both down the street the last 14 years.

"Oh that's right. Texas. What about she's house here?"

"She sold it and somebody else lives there now remember? She moved to Texas with our family there," I replied.

"Well what color is it?" She said it as if it were equally as confusing and important as why Grannie moved.

Trying to give a serious reply through my smile, I said "I don't know but I think some day we can go see her and find out what color it is." Then pausing I added, "And someday we'll ALL go see Papaw and what color his house in heaven is too."

Very pleased with that answer she smiled, "Ok mommy. Now can you sing to me? 'Create in me a clean heart'."

Then I sang. Then I kissed her. Then she gave me three kisses back.

And I closed the door tearing up just a little knowing that life changes. And kids grow up. And people go to heaven. And to Texas.

A Year in Review: 2013

I've officially had my record low number of posts this year. Which is sad to me because it certainly hasn't been for lack of adventure in the Spencer Camp. But as all healthy things grow, and growing things change... So has our family. Many of my adventures as the mom of so many babies... has morphed into adventures of just a couple babies, a couple of not so little kids with Special Needs, and a couple of "tweens". I'm still in denial that I'm old enough to have a child this close to middle school... When did I go from an always pregnant, early-twenty-something, knee deep in diapers, baby food and hair bows to an early-thirty-something mother with 4 kids in 2 different schools, almost none in diapers, and sharing socks, lotion and lip gloss with my eldest?

And because the children have matured, so have the stories. So while I still have quite a few "we can laugh about it now" stories and sharpie faced toddlers, an increasing amount of what makes me giggle under my breath need to be kept in my heart, unpublished, lest my daughters be "totally embarrassed".

But my blog-related hopes for 2014 are to share general family updates, share stories as we embark on the last days of toddler antics, and (as was one of the original purposes of this blog) share the triumphs and trials we face raising children with Down Syndrome... one being a hansom little adopted Ukrainian.

Since the last year was so poorly recorded here on this blog, here is an entire year, condensed into a one and a half minute video. ;) A Spencer Family year in review. A reminder not to blink because though the days seem to dredge on... they will be gone in an instant. And you'll be left with a flash of memories, a warm heart, and kids that are a few inches taller.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

With mixed emotions, I'm prepping my house and family to be without me for a couple of days. 

Since Papaw went to heaven in January, I knew it was a matter of time until Grannie sold the house. The memories are... almost too much to handle. (For any of us really. So I can't imagine how Grannie's handling it.) And because we have lots of family in Texas and its her "old stomping grounds" (her words), she's moving back. Tomorrow.

Once the decision was made, Mom, Grannie and I staged the house. Painted it. Planted flowers. Bought some new things. Sold some old things. Sifted through Papaws things..... 

And then it sold. In 24 hours.

I wasn't ready for that.

Then we started packing. Got things in order. And now it's time.

It just happened to work out that I be the one to drive her down in her car and fly home the next day. 

I have mixed thoughts and emotions about her moving. To name a few.....

The Good.

I think it'll be really good for her to be out of that house. I think she'll be more active in Texas, she's settled into almost too much routine here. I'm happy that my cousins will get to spend time with her the way I have for almost 15 years. I'm happy that she'll get to see her great-grandbabies in Texas. I'm thankful that she and Papaw were here to see all my babies join this family. I'm thankful that she was in the room to see Avery Kate enter the world.

The Bad.

I'm gonna miss her. I'm worried that we won't get to visit as much as we'll want to. I'm going to miss the impromptu lunch dates. I'm going to miss her meals. I wanted her to teach the girls to knit and we never got around to it. I want my kids to know the words to "Roses on my shoulders". I need her here with me.

The Ugly.

Are you ready? Ugly is really ugly. The horrible thoughts in my head... What if they don't take care of her like we do? What if she misses Tennessee? What if Kate doesn't remember her? We "lost" Papaw and now we're losing Grannie too? And the clincher- facing the fact that it WAS hard for me to juggle helping with Grannie and Papaw. What if I feel relieved once she's moved away? ...............

But the truth is (and I can barely see the screen through tears as I type this)... I'd take a thousand inconveniences, errands, phone calls, lunch dates, board games, plates of beans and cornbread, hugs, worries, laughs, scares, doctor visits, trips to the mall... I'd take the good, the bad and the ugly...  if it meant Grannie and Papaw always being close to me. 

But I can't always have what I want. 

Better put: I can't have what I want, forever.

~~~

So I'm laying out school clothes, giving instructions to Jake, making arrangements for rides and activities. Packing my own few things for one night. (And because its just how things go in this house, about an hour ago we thought Kate broke her leg. Which we are now pretty sure she did not.) I'm tucking in toddlers and asking the big kids to please be helpful to Daddy. I'm signing folders, packing lunches and washing sippy cups. Making sure my crew is set.

And in a few hours I'll have a long road trip with my Grannie. My prayer-warrior. My friend. The one who takes care of me as I do her. The one who listens, counsels, and loves me--- through the good, the bad, and the ugly.