Today (per the paramedic visit a couple weeks ago) Micah had a swallow study at Vanderbilt. Because of his traumatic hospital/doctor experiences in the past, Micah wasn't, how shall I say.... cooperative. It wasn't terrible by any means. But the thing is, Micah likes to exercise his willpower in anyway he can. And today he tried to let me know how distraught we has to be there by rejecting food, which is sort of the most important part of the study.
But after many dramatic tears, thrashing, yelling "no," clinging to me and not letting go... I had to switch from the loving "Micah, buddy, its okay, mommy's here. I'm not leaving. They're not going to hurt you. We're just gonna eat. Take a bite Buddy," to a deep, stern, "Micah. That's enough. You eat this right now and then we're going home." Which actually had a better effect.
So once they got the pictures they needed, the long and short of it is exactly what I expected: Micah doesn't chew is food. And he's aspirating on water when he drinks it from his sippy cup. So we are going to check out the speech and language learning center here in town. And we're gonna ditch the sippy's.
We've known since Micah came home that he doesn't really chew. But its understandable considering he never had solid food until he was four. Once he did try solids, he couldn't use his teeth to chew because his molars were all rotted down the nerve. But once we got caps on all of them (and had extensive nerve treatment), he'd already learned that chewing is painful and to avoid it if at all possible. And got quite good at eating without chewing.
He also learned from that lovely eastern European orphanage how to eat his food as quickly as possible so it wasn't taken away by peers or by the big Russian women in white coats. SOOO Micah inhales his food.
Lastly, they asked me again if he has some sort of respiratory infection. Just like everyone who's ever heard Micah breathe at any point in the last 2 1/2 years. To which I gave the answer that I could recite in my sleep. "Micah has sounded like that since we got him but the doctors say he's not sick. He's just really gurgly and its worse after he eats or drinks." Is he aspirating? I don't know. Does he have pneumonia? Don't think so but it does sound like it after he eats. Are they ever going to get to the bottom of that? Hopefully today is a step in that direction.
So.
I'm glad we did the study.
I love Vandy Childrens.
I really loved the speech pathologist.
But I'm tired now and its taking everything in me to write this post. And I won't have time to write this later today because I procrastinated on making two little Native American costumes for "Colonial Day" at Ashley and Emily's school tomorrow. So now I'm gonna put my littles down for a nap and hopefully take one myself. Consider yourself updated. ;)
I'm ready
Every year since my kids started school, my brain falls into this disillusionment in the weeks leading up to spring break. I look forward to it thinking I'll rest, hang with the kids, enjoy the break in packing lunches and washing uniforms, and even get some spring cleaning done. The kids can add some books to their reading logs, we'll do some craft projects, go to the library, the park, the zoo, the moon... you get the point. High expectations.
And every year, after a full week with all of my *ahem* blessed children... the kids have accomplished nothing, I have accomplished nothing, if anyone has bathed all week- it sure wasn't me, the house is usually about 72.6% dirtier then when spring break started, my hair is about 45.2% thinner and I've lost about 5-10 pounds (its amazing the calories you burn chasing children). We run around like crazy doing... a whole lot of nothing. I look back that next Monday morning wondering where in the world the week went and how I'm going to tunnel out of the rubble.
(Not to mention, it feels like we add another child almost yearly, compounding the chaos.)
So this year I'm going in with a mission. Not too rigid (fun, games, and outdoor times are scheduled in daily) but not too relaxed (pretty much every hour is accounted for). This doesn't include all of Kate's bottle feedings, but it's more posted for the kids than for me. Also, I'm still planning to get up before they do and have my usual coffee and quiet time. And during their nap/movie/reading time (depends on the age) I'm going to get my own chores done: laundry, dishes, bills, etc.
A schedule. A plan. I'm ready.
Let the games begin.
And every year, after a full week with all of my *ahem* blessed children... the kids have accomplished nothing, I have accomplished nothing, if anyone has bathed all week- it sure wasn't me, the house is usually about 72.6% dirtier then when spring break started, my hair is about 45.2% thinner and I've lost about 5-10 pounds (its amazing the calories you burn chasing children). We run around like crazy doing... a whole lot of nothing. I look back that next Monday morning wondering where in the world the week went and how I'm going to tunnel out of the rubble.
(Not to mention, it feels like we add another child almost yearly, compounding the chaos.)
So this year I'm going in with a mission. Not too rigid (fun, games, and outdoor times are scheduled in daily) but not too relaxed (pretty much every hour is accounted for). This doesn't include all of Kate's bottle feedings, but it's more posted for the kids than for me. Also, I'm still planning to get up before they do and have my usual coffee and quiet time. And during their nap/movie/reading time (depends on the age) I'm going to get my own chores done: laundry, dishes, bills, etc.
A schedule. A plan. I'm ready.
 |
Let the games begin.
The battle
My heart: "That quiet time this morning was SO good and rich."
My head: "Now its time to push up my sleeves and get some work done."
My heart: "Oh maybe the dishes can wait, that Beth Moore work book is calling my name. Just one more section, you're behind a little anyway."
My head: "The day is young and you need to prepare your house for the weekend. I need to finish up the laundry, tidy up the bonus room, make meal plan and a shopping list for tomorrow, and today is cleaning day so I've got to clean my bathroom, the kids' bathroom and this week I wash our sheets........."
My heart: "Go dig into that verse in first Peter just a little more...."
Oh the epic Martha vs Mary battle that wages daily in me!
Thank you Lord for my quiet times with you. Walk with me today and reveal your Word to me as I...
go scrub the shower.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms...
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
(Proverbs 31:17 and 27)
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:25-26)
My head: "Now its time to push up my sleeves and get some work done."
My heart: "Oh maybe the dishes can wait, that Beth Moore work book is calling my name. Just one more section, you're behind a little anyway."
My head: "The day is young and you need to prepare your house for the weekend. I need to finish up the laundry, tidy up the bonus room, make meal plan and a shopping list for tomorrow, and today is cleaning day so I've got to clean my bathroom, the kids' bathroom and this week I wash our sheets........."
My heart: "Go dig into that verse in first Peter just a little more...."
Oh the epic Martha vs Mary battle that wages daily in me!
Thank you Lord for my quiet times with you. Walk with me today and reveal your Word to me as I...
go scrub the shower.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms...
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
(Proverbs 31:17 and 27)
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:25-26)
Cue the gray hair
Speaking of the son I love dearly...
He gave me quite a scare last night. Actually it was not long after that last blog post.
A typical Wednesday night, Jake was gone at youth group and I was rummaging through the refrigerator for leftovers to feed the troops. "Lunch meat: Ashley, Micah, and Kate will eat that. 2 string cheeses: Emily can have one, Mabry will want the other. Leftover rice: Everyone but Abby will eat that." And so on until everyone has something that resembles a full meal.
Now, on a normal night, we'd all be sitting at the table together. I feed Kate, Jake keeps an eye on Micah because he's known for eating too fast and/or stealing food from other plates, and we tag team Abby and Mabry. But because last night was a hodge podge meal, the kids ate in shifts at the counter as I kept pulling out random food and heating it up.
But somewhere near the end of Micah's bowl of rice, he jumped down from his barstool, and with big eyes, started rocking side to side and pointing at his throat. Now, this isn't completely uncommon. Micah always eats so fast that sometimes we have to stop and let the food catch up. When this happens, its not an issue of not getting air. He's breathing... technically... but he does this gurgly, burping, coughing... thing... for a few minutes and once the food "clears" he gets a big smile, gives sort of a thumbs up and dives face first back into his plate of food.
So I went right over and sat with him, encouraging him to take slow breaths, rubbing is back gently and kindly reminding him that this is why he needs to CHEW and eat slowly. I mean, everything is a teachable moment right? :)
But after about 10 minutes of gurgling, crying, and rocking... it wasn't "normal for Micah" anymore. I started to get nervous. I prompted Emily to gather up the 3 little girls into the living room and Ashley to start cleaning up the kitchen. Its that moment when you aren't sure how serious something is about to become and you just know you need to be prepared.
5 more minutes past and nothing had changed. And for last 20 minutes I'd been running the checklist in my head: Are his lips blue? No. Does he have good color? Yes. He's crying so I know he's getting some kind of air, but he clearly can't take deep breaths. Could he be having an allergic reaction? No, he's literally just had lunch meat and white rice. Stuff he has all the time.
I check out trusty Google. I literally typed in "choking on rice". Somehow I got to wikipedia reading about aspirating. When pulmonary aspiration occurs during eating and drinking, the aspirated material is often colloquially referred to as "going down the wrong pipe." Yes, check. Food going down the wrong pipe. I think that's what's going on here. So I keep reading. Consequences of pulmonary aspiration range from no injury at all, to chemical pneumonitis or pneumonia, to death within minutes (which you KNOW is the only part my brain read) from asphyxiation. Ok, so maybe Google wasn't the best idea.
I've had enough, I pick up my phone and call 911. I gave them our address and a description of whats going on. I have Ashley (who pretty much cleaned the entire house in that few minutes because she didn't know what else to do with herself) go unlock the childlock on the front door and wait there to flag down the paramedics. Micah's still rocking, crying and gurgling.
Of course, he freaks out when they come in because he still hates doctors from his horrible experiences in Ukraine. After much conversation between myself and one of the paramedics, some listening to Micah's back, and Micah finally calming down enough to tell the team "bye" because he wanted them to leave, he was looking much better.
My options were to take him in to do some Xrays to see if there is actually any food in his lungs or keep an eye on him. If he starts to show symptoms like a fever or labored breathing, he could have aspiration pneumonia. Where his body sort of covers the food with fluid because its foreign, causing pneumonia. So I opted to not traumatize him further and just keep an eye on him.
I'm going to call the pediatrician this morning to see what they want to do, but I really think he's fine now. Its just a really good reminder that I've got to keep a close eye on him while he eats. And maybe its time for a swallow study after all.
I'm really proud of how well my big girls stepped up to the plate, you never would have known that 5 other children were in this house.
And aside from the gush of tears that came when I finally heard the sirens and saw the lights in our culdesac (which I managed to wipe away before they came in), I was glad I was able to stay calm through the entire ordeal.
But I might be the only 29 year old mom in town sporting a couple of new gray hairs.
He gave me quite a scare last night. Actually it was not long after that last blog post.
A typical Wednesday night, Jake was gone at youth group and I was rummaging through the refrigerator for leftovers to feed the troops. "Lunch meat: Ashley, Micah, and Kate will eat that. 2 string cheeses: Emily can have one, Mabry will want the other. Leftover rice: Everyone but Abby will eat that." And so on until everyone has something that resembles a full meal.
Now, on a normal night, we'd all be sitting at the table together. I feed Kate, Jake keeps an eye on Micah because he's known for eating too fast and/or stealing food from other plates, and we tag team Abby and Mabry. But because last night was a hodge podge meal, the kids ate in shifts at the counter as I kept pulling out random food and heating it up.
But somewhere near the end of Micah's bowl of rice, he jumped down from his barstool, and with big eyes, started rocking side to side and pointing at his throat. Now, this isn't completely uncommon. Micah always eats so fast that sometimes we have to stop and let the food catch up. When this happens, its not an issue of not getting air. He's breathing... technically... but he does this gurgly, burping, coughing... thing... for a few minutes and once the food "clears" he gets a big smile, gives sort of a thumbs up and dives face first back into his plate of food.
So I went right over and sat with him, encouraging him to take slow breaths, rubbing is back gently and kindly reminding him that this is why he needs to CHEW and eat slowly. I mean, everything is a teachable moment right? :)
But after about 10 minutes of gurgling, crying, and rocking... it wasn't "normal for Micah" anymore. I started to get nervous. I prompted Emily to gather up the 3 little girls into the living room and Ashley to start cleaning up the kitchen. Its that moment when you aren't sure how serious something is about to become and you just know you need to be prepared.
5 more minutes past and nothing had changed. And for last 20 minutes I'd been running the checklist in my head: Are his lips blue? No. Does he have good color? Yes. He's crying so I know he's getting some kind of air, but he clearly can't take deep breaths. Could he be having an allergic reaction? No, he's literally just had lunch meat and white rice. Stuff he has all the time.
I check out trusty Google. I literally typed in "choking on rice". Somehow I got to wikipedia reading about aspirating. When pulmonary aspiration occurs during eating and drinking, the aspirated material is often colloquially referred to as "going down the wrong pipe." Yes, check. Food going down the wrong pipe. I think that's what's going on here. So I keep reading. Consequences of pulmonary aspiration range from no injury at all, to chemical pneumonitis or pneumonia, to death within minutes (which you KNOW is the only part my brain read) from asphyxiation. Ok, so maybe Google wasn't the best idea.
I've had enough, I pick up my phone and call 911. I gave them our address and a description of whats going on. I have Ashley (who pretty much cleaned the entire house in that few minutes because she didn't know what else to do with herself) go unlock the childlock on the front door and wait there to flag down the paramedics. Micah's still rocking, crying and gurgling.
Of course, he freaks out when they come in because he still hates doctors from his horrible experiences in Ukraine. After much conversation between myself and one of the paramedics, some listening to Micah's back, and Micah finally calming down enough to tell the team "bye" because he wanted them to leave, he was looking much better.
My options were to take him in to do some Xrays to see if there is actually any food in his lungs or keep an eye on him. If he starts to show symptoms like a fever or labored breathing, he could have aspiration pneumonia. Where his body sort of covers the food with fluid because its foreign, causing pneumonia. So I opted to not traumatize him further and just keep an eye on him.
I'm going to call the pediatrician this morning to see what they want to do, but I really think he's fine now. Its just a really good reminder that I've got to keep a close eye on him while he eats. And maybe its time for a swallow study after all.
I'm really proud of how well my big girls stepped up to the plate, you never would have known that 5 other children were in this house.
And aside from the gush of tears that came when I finally heard the sirens and saw the lights in our culdesac (which I managed to wipe away before they came in), I was glad I was able to stay calm through the entire ordeal.
But I might be the only 29 year old mom in town sporting a couple of new gray hairs.
Dear Micah and Abby,
To my beautiful Abigail Grace and my sweet Pavel Micah.
I cannot imagine, nor would I want to, what my life would be like without the two of you.
Abby, you are spunky and sassy. A girl who knows what she wants. Smart as a whip. You quickly become a celebrity every where you go. People who work with you at church and at school will hunt me down to say what a cool little girl you are. And how impressed they are by you.
You love your sisters. You idolize Ashley and Emily and I can see in your eyes that you are trying to model them. Mabry is your best friend. When its just the two of you, you sink away into an imaginary world with a language all its own that only the two of you understand. You love to hold and kiss your Baby Kate. Though sometimes agitating as all brothers are, Micah is secretly your buddy. And I know that in your head... you are, in fact, Ruby and Micah is Max.
We love you Abby Grace. I'm so glad that you came into our lives and changed them forever. There were times that the thought of raising you seemed simply overwhelming. But the reality is... you're just my little girl. Another spunky, smart, blonde haired, blue eyed Spencer girl with a personality all her own. Who I can't wait to watch grow up and show the world what she can do.
Micah, my little buddy. My only son. My how you've grown since you came home to us. We had a rough start, you and I. Didn't we buddy? You have taught me the most ---out of all of my children, out of all my life experiences, out of all of my trials--- patience. But not just because I had to be patient to teach you. You taught me patience because you were patient with me. We've had to be patient with each other. Learning one another. You'd never had a mother, and I'd never had a son. But we're doing it. :)
And you are so quick to forgive. Anyone. You never hold a grudge. You forgive quickly and its over, never to be remembered. You must get that from your {heavenly} Father.
You're so smart. You are sight reading, signing, tracing letters, problem solving, making friends, pedaling tricycles, exhibiting huge independence at school and even doing... better... staying with Mommy in public. :) You're totally potty trained, not even wearing a pull up at night! MY how far you've come!!!
"Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget, for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."
~~~
Today is World Down Syndrome Day. I am so humbled and proud to be the mother of two incredible individuals with Down Syndrome. I love you Abby and Micah.
I cannot imagine, nor would I want to, what my life would be like without the two of you.
Abby, you are spunky and sassy. A girl who knows what she wants. Smart as a whip. You quickly become a celebrity every where you go. People who work with you at church and at school will hunt me down to say what a cool little girl you are. And how impressed they are by you.
You love your sisters. You idolize Ashley and Emily and I can see in your eyes that you are trying to model them. Mabry is your best friend. When its just the two of you, you sink away into an imaginary world with a language all its own that only the two of you understand. You love to hold and kiss your Baby Kate. Though sometimes agitating as all brothers are, Micah is secretly your buddy. And I know that in your head... you are, in fact, Ruby and Micah is Max.
We love you Abby Grace. I'm so glad that you came into our lives and changed them forever. There were times that the thought of raising you seemed simply overwhelming. But the reality is... you're just my little girl. Another spunky, smart, blonde haired, blue eyed Spencer girl with a personality all her own. Who I can't wait to watch grow up and show the world what she can do.
Micah, my little buddy. My only son. My how you've grown since you came home to us. We had a rough start, you and I. Didn't we buddy? You have taught me the most ---out of all of my children, out of all my life experiences, out of all of my trials--- patience. But not just because I had to be patient to teach you. You taught me patience because you were patient with me. We've had to be patient with each other. Learning one another. You'd never had a mother, and I'd never had a son. But we're doing it. :)
And you are so quick to forgive. Anyone. You never hold a grudge. You forgive quickly and its over, never to be remembered. You must get that from your {heavenly} Father.
You're so smart. You are sight reading, signing, tracing letters, problem solving, making friends, pedaling tricycles, exhibiting huge independence at school and even doing... better... staying with Mommy in public. :) You're totally potty trained, not even wearing a pull up at night! MY how far you've come!!!
"Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget, for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."
~~~
Today is World Down Syndrome Day. I am so humbled and proud to be the mother of two incredible individuals with Down Syndrome. I love you Abby and Micah.
I wanna be moved
I love how the Lord give us what we need when we need it.
Why do I forget/doubt how much my Creator knows my heart?
In women's Bible study, we just started the Beth Moore series, "Stepping Up: A journey through the Psalms of Ascent" And while we watched the session together yesterday morning, one of the things Beth was talking about was songs. It was a great message that I could talk about forever. But to stay on point, I'll suffice to say that I found myself thinking, "Lord put a song in my heart. Give me something fitting for this season."
This morning I got up and did my usual morning routine. Stumble out of bed, down the stairs and pour a cup of coffee with one eye open. And then I had my quiet time with the Lord. But today was an especially sweet time with Him. I dug deep in my heart. And the cry I found? I want to go deeper; I want more.
As a stay at home mom, its so easy to slip into the mundane. Its so easy to let the monotony of your daily routine wash over and sweep you out to a sea of complacency. I want to be filled with You God. Fill me. I want more of You. I need more of You.
I. Want. More. And my God promises me that if I ask, I'll receive.
But, I had to move along with my morning. Packing lunches, making oatmeal, french braiding hair and matching socks, chatting with beloved car pool moms and kissing my boy as he got on his bus. Then its back into the house for diaper changes, a bottle for the baby, and cleaning up aftermath from the hurricane that sweeps across my kitchen counters between 6:30 and 8:00am every day.
I flipped on my ipod as usual and the song that came on stopped me in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes.
"I don't want to be a flame, I wanna be a raging fire. Tired of my will, my way, Your calling's higher. I know its time I stopped running from the truth so I'll stand here still until I'm filled, I wanna be moved."
An old Ginny Owen's song "I wanna be moved" Only You, Lord.
So this is my song.
"I don't want to be a flame, I wanna be a raging fire". Not a flickering tea light but an epic, out of control, bonfire! I want my life to be marked by passion. I want to be emptied of myself and filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit. The works of my hands, the works of His hands. My countenance, His. My attitude, His. You know that feeling when you're so in love with the Lord that you could just be raptured up right then and there? I want that more. A raging fire... *sigh*
"Tired of my will, my way." As a mom, its easy to slip into doing everything "my way". I'm the mom, I know what's best for my kids! But does it spill over into other areas of my life? If I'm honest I think I know whats best for myself as well. I'm daily teaching my kids to trust me and obey the first time. (And what an uphill battle that can be.) But if I stand here still and listen, the Lord is telling me to trust Him; His way is better. And obey... the first time. He's patient with me, much more patient than I am with my own children. But it, dare I say it, takes me even longer to "get it" then it does my kids.
Whew.
Fill me with fresh fire. A flame that burns wildly for You. I pray that it would spill over into my home and onto my children. I don't want complacency. I need a fresh word for this season. New manna from heaven. I get it, God. I trust you. I'm obeying. Mold me. Use me. I'm yours. I wanna be moved. Amen.
And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness. Acts 4:31
Why do I forget/doubt how much my Creator knows my heart?
In women's Bible study, we just started the Beth Moore series, "Stepping Up: A journey through the Psalms of Ascent" And while we watched the session together yesterday morning, one of the things Beth was talking about was songs. It was a great message that I could talk about forever. But to stay on point, I'll suffice to say that I found myself thinking, "Lord put a song in my heart. Give me something fitting for this season."
This morning I got up and did my usual morning routine. Stumble out of bed, down the stairs and pour a cup of coffee with one eye open. And then I had my quiet time with the Lord. But today was an especially sweet time with Him. I dug deep in my heart. And the cry I found? I want to go deeper; I want more.
As a stay at home mom, its so easy to slip into the mundane. Its so easy to let the monotony of your daily routine wash over and sweep you out to a sea of complacency. I want to be filled with You God. Fill me. I want more of You. I need more of You.
I. Want. More. And my God promises me that if I ask, I'll receive.
But, I had to move along with my morning. Packing lunches, making oatmeal, french braiding hair and matching socks, chatting with beloved car pool moms and kissing my boy as he got on his bus. Then its back into the house for diaper changes, a bottle for the baby, and cleaning up aftermath from the hurricane that sweeps across my kitchen counters between 6:30 and 8:00am every day.
I flipped on my ipod as usual and the song that came on stopped me in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes.
"I don't want to be a flame, I wanna be a raging fire. Tired of my will, my way, Your calling's higher. I know its time I stopped running from the truth so I'll stand here still until I'm filled, I wanna be moved."
An old Ginny Owen's song "I wanna be moved" Only You, Lord.
So this is my song.
"I don't want to be a flame, I wanna be a raging fire". Not a flickering tea light but an epic, out of control, bonfire! I want my life to be marked by passion. I want to be emptied of myself and filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit. The works of my hands, the works of His hands. My countenance, His. My attitude, His. You know that feeling when you're so in love with the Lord that you could just be raptured up right then and there? I want that more. A raging fire... *sigh*
"Tired of my will, my way." As a mom, its easy to slip into doing everything "my way". I'm the mom, I know what's best for my kids! But does it spill over into other areas of my life? If I'm honest I think I know whats best for myself as well. I'm daily teaching my kids to trust me and obey the first time. (And what an uphill battle that can be.) But if I stand here still and listen, the Lord is telling me to trust Him; His way is better. And obey... the first time. He's patient with me, much more patient than I am with my own children. But it, dare I say it, takes me even longer to "get it" then it does my kids.
Whew.
Fill me with fresh fire. A flame that burns wildly for You. I pray that it would spill over into my home and onto my children. I don't want complacency. I need a fresh word for this season. New manna from heaven. I get it, God. I trust you. I'm obeying. Mold me. Use me. I'm yours. I wanna be moved. Amen.
And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness. Acts 4:31
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