Gray Patches

At first I thought it was the angle and reflection of the lighting in my bathroom.

Or hey, it's summer. We go to the pool all the time. Maybe it's just a little natural streaking from the sun. My girls all have that.

It could also be the white blonde of my childhood coming back.... 

No wait. It's the dry shampoo. Yep. That's it. Need to find a better brand that doesn't leave my hair white.

Then one night as we were having dinner, the kids and I were teasing Jake about how much gray is in his beard now. Then my loving husband turned the finger back around and pointed out ... I've got not only a gray hair, but a whole patch of gray.

What. In. The. World. I'm going gray.

I'm not a part of the selfie generation so excuse the poor quality. I feel I should get points for even telling you about it much less trying to capture it in a picture. But that, my friends, is a section of white strands.

I'm telling you what. If stress causes gray hair (because I'm certainly not old enough to start having gray *wink*), I know what caused mine. His name is Micah.

~~~

On the fourth of July our culdesac was packed. Kids of all ages on bikes and scooters. Some of the usual faces and some added friends and family visiting for the 4th. The air smelled like BBQ and the sky was faintly smokey from the nearby neighbors pre-testing fireworks. All the kids had on some sort of red, white or blue and were excited about the festivities to come.

Late in the afternoon I called all my kids in. I couldn't watch them anymore because I needed to make dinner so we brought the toys in, closed the garage door and they all crashed in the living room. At some point we heard the garage door open again. I looked up to see who it was and one of the kids said it was Emily getting something from the car. I didn't think much of it and went back to cooking.

A short while later came an aggressive knock at the door. I ran to open it and it was a neighbor from down the street... There to return my son.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to throw up or cry. My son with special needs was gone and I didn't even know it. I wanted to crawl in a hole. To shut down my blog, turn in my PTO membership, resign from the church women's board, close my FB account and hand in my proverbial mom card. All I could think was, I am a failure as a mother.

Micah isn't like just any child. He has Down Syndrome but what's more, he is nonverbal. He can make some sounds but he can't even say is own name. And when he's not in the midst of his structured routine, he gets-- distracted. Unfocused. That's the best I can describe it. But he's also extremely smart and understands everything he hears. A lot of kids who are "flight risks" have autism, but Micah doesn't. He's just very curious, headstrong and he can figure out how to get himself into a variety of messes, he just can't figure out how to get out of them. There's just no telling what would have happened if that neighbor hadn't recognized him.

The nightmarish "what ifs" and the never ending "if only I'd".... I won't even go through them now. I won't speak them out now because the path of "what ifs" only leads to self-condemnation, depression  and fear. That day is over now. God protected him. Thank you God for protecting him.

He hasn't wandered in years. He used to. But he hasn't even tried in a long long time. The best I can figure is that the friends in the culdesac cleared and he went to find them for more playtime. And since he can't ask me, he didn't.

So the very next day, I ordered this.

He used to have a metal ID bracelet (Abby still has hers) with his name and my number on it. But he broke the chain and I hadn't replaced it yet. (Another if only...) I found this one on FB and it has room for so much more information and it's more comfortable. Abby is still fine with her chain, so we'll keep it for now. But this will be what we order for her next.

Nothing will EVER replace the watchful eye we have to keep on Micah (or any of our kids for that matter, of course!) but in an emergency situation, I know he'll have the information he needs on his person. That bracelet is now a part of my son, 24/7.

~~~

The funny thing about my little patch of gray is that it's usually hidden. It's under my side swept bangs. I have to pull them back to see it. I'm not even intentionally hiding it, that's just where it is.

The funny thing about the stress on parents of children with special needs is that it's usually hidden. We're just making ourselves presentable, we don't even do it intentionally. "More alike than different" as the World Down Syndrome Motto goes, and it's true. But what's hidden underneath is the gray patch. The tell-tale sign of worry, stress, exhaustion over our children. 

And you know, we wouldn't have it any other way.

If I continue to strive and fight for my kids, they'll reach higher goals, live better lives. I'm never going to stop striving. If I am continually on my toes, I can better protect my children. Forbid that I ever let my guard down. We don't even have a choice. We will fight and protect. Its what we do. But all the fight, all the protecting, leaves us with a feathery, snow white patch of premature aging. Beautiful strands of wisdom for tomorrow. We've earned it, friends. Actually, I think I might start wearing my hair back more. 

~~~





If you or someone you know has a child that wanders, here are some resources I've found. Thankfully there's a lot out there now, but these are some that I have personally heard testimonials about. I hope this helps you narrow down your own search for a product that fits you and your child(ren). And if you have a product that helps your family, please feel free to share it in the comments below. Lastly, I encourage you to find a church group, other special needs parents from school or work, FB groups, whatever- to walk this parenting thing out with you. Don't keep hiding the gray and doing it alone.

1) Safe Baby
For my local friends. We knew from Day 1 with Micah that he was a wanderer so we had our friend Buck at Safe Baby come do "the works" to each of the houses we've lived in since he's been home. Child safety locks on the doors, baby gates, whatever was necessary to keep the kids in and safe.

2) Alert Me Bands Bracelet
This is what Micah has (photo above) and we plan to buy one for Abby next. Its low cost (abo $26), fits a ton of information, he can't get it off and it does have cute dinosaurs (a print I chose) but his wrist is so small, we had to tighten it too much for the print to show.

3) Make Me This Bracelet
I bought Micah and Abby each one of these. Its a metal ID bracelet with a design on the front and their information inside. Micah did break his but after a couple of years of wear. Abbys is still going strong, occasionally I check to make sure the inscription has't worn flat. For $9.95 you can't beat it.

4) If I Need Help QR Code in a variety of forms
This is a service that creates a personal data base and a QR code that can be purchased on a shoe tag, ID card, window cling, dog tags, you name it! In an emergency, anyone with a smart phone can scan the QR code and pull up any critical information that you would want them to have.

5) Amber Alert GPS Wearable GPS system
There are several child GPS systems but if we ever have the resources, I'd chose this one. The features take full advantage of modern technology for peace of mind for parents like us.