Pray for pictures

The most recent post on my friend, McKenna's blog mentioned that she has been scouting as much as she can and hasn't seen my boy yet. :( She's seen 3 of the 10 "groupa's" in the orphanage but he was in none of them. So she said tomorrow she's going to ask her translator to ask her facilitator to ask the director (got it?) if she can have a tour and maybe catch a peek of Pavel and the other two little girls who have a family working for them.

This is such a stange feeling. I'm feeling such odd emotions for so many reasons. 1.) I have a SON. Which is a first. :) I can't even imagine what that's like yet. 2.) He's three. My little boy has been around for three years... and I missed his first smile, his first steps, his first words. I didn't get to rejoice as he rolled over or started to crawl. I didn't teach him to hold a spoon and carefully bring it to his mouth. I've never changed his diapers, changed his clothes or given him a bath. I've never kissed his face or even seen him smile. And the really sad part is... I don't even know that the caregivers who DID and do experience these things even appreciated it. That hurts me deeper than words can describe. 3.) He's on the other side of the world. In a culture I've never seen and don't understand. 4.) In four months, he'll be here. In my house. Playing with the girls on the floor, sitting around the table coloring, going to church with us, and reading books on the couch before bed. I can hold him, squish him and love him anytime I want. :)

Anyway, I don't know what made me share all that. Its just in my heart. And I think about it SO much while I know someone is THERE in the same building with him, who could take his picture so that I have something new. Some sign that he's okay. A few of the kids there have bronchitis and chicken pox. Is he one of them? Is he healthy? Is he happy? Does he know love at all? A picture can be worth a thousand words. And worth a thousand answers. :)