Holland

I love my kids. All three individually. They each have their own unique personallity. And though Abby has Down Syndrome, we try to keep it on the down low. It does not define my daughter, but its a major part of her life. Not long after Abby was born I found this little article. While I don't know that this is about Down Syndrome specifically, this is such a beautifully true description of what we experienced. I was thinking of this especially yesterday... most of you know I had found a little Ecuadorian boy on Reece's Rainbow, Josue :) who completely stole my heart. And while Jake was making "no way Josue" jokes, I couldn't get this little boy out of my head. So I was praying and praying about this today, I decided to take a step in one direction or the other and emailed his adoption agency. And within the hour they emailed back to tell me that he's already been adopted. He's home. :) Which is wonderful news for him and a final answer for me to put him out of my head. A door closed, which is exactly what I prayed for. And though adoption is a totally different experience- you know what you're getting into- still all day I've had this article in my head. Thinking of the day Abby came home to be a part of our family. This is exactly how I felt. It brought tears to my eyes the first time I read it because it hurt so bad to be in Holland. But when I read this now, I can appreciate that I've been to Italy AND Holland. And I LOVE both places. And it makes me smile...

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try and help people understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this....

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas of Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It is all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, 'Welcome to Holland.'

'Holland???' you say. 'What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.' But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you have been there for a while you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going to Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.'

And the pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."